Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He bought a motorbike knowing my feelings

223 replies

Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:16

So for years I have told my husband my concerns regarding the safety of bikes. He said he's love one but I made it quite clear i wouldn't allow a bike in our home. I'm very aware of the dangers of bikes having worked in the emergency services I see first hand the carnage.

Today he arrived at my place of work to surprise me. He arrived with a motor bike. Aibu to have blown my top and sent him away with a red ear. He never said he was buying a bike today.

OP posts:
Kaykay06 · 23/09/2019 10:02

You sound more like his mother than his wife. I’m not a fan of bikes either, but lots of things are dangerous, we can’t stop living because of it just be prepared and careful. My boyfriend used to have a motorbike but doesn’t just now and has mentioned getting one again, I’m not happy about the thought but he’s a grown man and he has to weigh up the risks himself. Step dad and sister both ridden bikes for years and years safely, my mum even used to go on the back.

My children are 8&9 but @ 7 years old would only say what your child has if someone had put that thought into his head, don’t scare your child. Tell them daddy will be careful, he’s got the correct gear etc and ensure he’s secure and loved by you both. This is an argument between you, your child should know nothing of it.

Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 10:06

Beesandcheese. This is not about the money. He works hard and long hours he can spend his money on what he likes. I am more concerned about the safety element.
A red ear, I was less than impressed by the his stunt. But no I didn't lose my cool and scream and shout. My children were with him.. I'm not in the habit of verbally attacking him contrary to the beliefs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 10:14
. I wasn't going to add this link. These are the road safety ads that are on the tv in Ireland. Once more I did not put it on my child's head. I'm not sure what goes on in your homes but that is completely unacceptable in mine. We don't and won't burden young minds with worry and anxiety. So before u comment on me telling my child take a moment to watch the link. If it's not coming up. Search rsa motorcycle ad Ireland.!!!!!
OP posts:
CassianAndor · 23/09/2019 10:17

Kaykay06 and others - no-one put the idea of bikes being dangerous into my DD's head. The fact of her godfather being in a wheelchair following a motorbike accident put it in her head.

easyandy101 · 23/09/2019 10:23

Why start a thread to solely reject people's opinions?

Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 10:28

As your name states..... easy Andy. Why comment if that's what you think.

OP posts:
sashh · 23/09/2019 10:36

On a bike you have nothing except a pair of "leathers and gloves and helmet" no matter the cost they come an apart like plastic in an impact. Or wait now for u all to tell me I'm wrong there to

Well considering most people buy gear with kevlar in these days yes you are wrong.

Marzipane · 23/09/2019 10:40

No idea why you're ignoring the suggestion of track days, you're just intent on being pissed off.

Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 10:50

Sorry marzipan, we don't actually have that option near to where we live. We don't live in England so there's not as much options for that here.

OP posts:
Neron · 23/09/2019 10:55

Mondello Park near Dublin does if that's doable OP

Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 10:58

Mondello is hours away from us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 11:04

I Will suggest it all the same.

OP posts:
PurpleTrilby · 23/09/2019 11:10

I get it, OP. Bikes are statistically the worst form of transport for lethal and life changing accidents, nobody can argue with that and sadly you've seen the sharp end of that, too. I grew up in a semi biker household and fancied the idea of getting one recently. I said this to my lovely, laid back, supportive partner and he looked at me in total wide-eyed shock and just said No!! He basically pleaded with me not to for exactly the same safety reasons and I listened and decided against it. His sibling and their family are big into bikes, fast ones, and he worries all the time about them. A colleague had the same situation with her partner, he'd already been in a bad crash before they met. She laid down the law by saying if you get a bike, you get comprehensive life insurance, too, I'm not getting left penniless if you die or end up disabled. He's yet to get one. I do think your husband is selfish doing this, purely from the safety angle, nothing to do with money. You also have kids and neither I nor my colleague or her partner do, so we don't even have to worry about that responsibility, but we do have to think about causing worry and possible heartbreak to our loved ones. Hope you can work it out with him.

Neron · 23/09/2019 11:10

Ah that's great OP. You may not wish to, but spectators can usually go along if you and the kids wanted to see what it was all about.

CassianAndor · 23/09/2019 11:16

I wouldn't. If he wants to risk his life and wrecking his family he can do his own fucking homework. And I wouldn't go to spectate, and I wouldn't allow my DC to go.

Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 11:22

Ive already told him to gather the life insurance policy documents and we are going to review and amend. Ive also make an appointment for us to make our wills.(should have been done along time ago I know) I refuse to be left dealing with his business.
I'm very cross. In fact I'm so mad. No amount of money from a policy could ever compensate for his loss. I'm trying very very hard to see if from his perspective but it's quite difficult when I know what I know. This is not something that I can accept. The burden of anxiety that has been now placed on me is enormous

OP posts:
italianfiat · 23/09/2019 11:45

One of the best worst OP's ever I think Grin

Original poster
Har23 · 23/09/2019 11:47

Why is that italianfiat!

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 23/09/2019 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itstrue · 23/09/2019 21:15

I held my boyfriends hand as he died from a massive head injury from a motorcycle collision. So I'm with you OP.

You are all lucky until it happens to you.

itstrue · 23/09/2019 21:32

And he didn't cause the accident. Kids ran out of the road in front of him and he swerved to avoid hitting them. Low powered bike, experienced rider, going the speed limit.

EverdeRose · 23/09/2019 21:47

YANBU I completely understand and agree with you OP. I have a huge fear of anything on a road other than cars, due to a similar role.
When we first got together DH had a scooter, it took coming across a horrific crash where we performed CPR on a biker to put him off. I refused to marry him until he sold his scooter and told him I'd divorce him the minute he got back on one.

Every so often when the weather is good, he'll mention missing getting the scooter out, until I remind him of what we witnessed and had to do.

whippetwoman · 23/09/2019 22:01

OP, I think YANBU. I'm sure if I worked in emergency services and saw first-hand the horrific sights you have seen as a result of motorbike accidents I would feel the same as you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page