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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed or am I acting spoilt?

216 replies

sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 16:45

I came to my boyfriend's city for the weekend. He lives in a different city so we only see each other at the weekend. Spent a lot of money to get here, currently extremely broke. My boyfriend is usually extremely attentive and really caring for context

Anyway, since I have arrived it's been non stop running errands. He is moving house next week and so is currently staying at his sisters. I'm quite close to his sister so she said it was fine for us to sleep there.

Anyway. When I got here on Friday it was past 11pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took 1 hour. Then he said he wanted to go and see his brother for a few drinks. Didn't get back to his sisters until 3am. Had to wake up at 8am as he had an event he had to do in another city at 2pm. I went to this and waited around about 3 hours whilst he did it. Took 4 hours round trip to get there. Then he said he needed to go to see his family so we stayed at his mum's until 12am. He then met his brother again at 1am for a drink, and I asked him to come back because it was our last night together, which he did. This morning we both had to wake up at 8am again to move stuff for his house move, which involved me basically sitting in the car until now so his brother could help him carry stuff. He now is going for training for a sport he does until 8pm.

His sister has now gone on holiday and I don't feel comfortable sitting in her house on my own. So he's dropped me at a local coffee shop and then he's going to pick me up at 8.

I feel like shit. I know its so childish but I made such an effort to be here and I just feel so exhausted by all the running around. We didn't do anything nice, and we didn't really interact apart from during the drives to the things he needed to do.

On top of this I have had really bad chest infection so still have a temperature and feel sick.

I feel like such an idiot sitting in a coffee shop.

He's dropping me back home after his run but to be honest even tho I'm broke I just want to get a train...

Do you think I'm being childish ??

I don't even know whetehr to bring it up

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/09/2019 16:48

What was the point in you being there for the weekend if that's what he had planned? What was he thinking about?

Get the train now and get yourself to bed. He was really expecting you to wait in a coffee shop until after 8 pm? That's awful.

Get home and have a think about whether this is a man you want to be involved with.

DingDongDenny · 22/09/2019 16:51

That's really crap. Some of it is understandable - getting ready to move house and work commitments, but having to see family multiple times and doing his sport (I presume a hobby) I think he should have given that a miss to spend time with you

Does he make the same level of effort as you overall - take turns visiting etc?

ShitFuckBastardBollocks · 22/09/2019 16:51

How bizarre.

Did you know he would be doing all this?

Sparkletastic · 22/09/2019 16:51

He's acting like you aren't there. Leave. And have a good long think about the future of the relationship.

tommyshaircut · 22/09/2019 16:51

Go home

bridgetreilly · 22/09/2019 16:52

He's moving house next weekend and you didn't anticipate he might have stuff to do this weekend? YABU, sorry. This is what real life is like, and you can't always set it to one side, even at a weekend.

Weepingwillows12 · 22/09/2019 16:53

Did he know you were coming or did you turn up as a surprise? Sounds like he already had a busy weekend planned so should have told you up front. However, if he told you and you came anyway then I think you are acting spoilt.

LunasOrchid · 22/09/2019 16:55

Wow. YADNBU! You are bottom of his priority list. Scrap that, you're not even on it. I would not be happy and would not tolerate it tbh. A serious conversation is needed.

Marlena1 · 22/09/2019 16:57

If you sit there till 8pm you are telling him that this behaviour is ok and it's really not. He is telling you that you are not a priority. We all live and learn with these situations but in your shoes I would go home and look after yourself, xx

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 17:04

He's off this coming week for what I presumed would be sorting stuff to move. He didn't mention it to me before I came. He told me to come

OP posts:
7salmonswimming · 22/09/2019 17:06

Sounds like this wasn’t a good time for you to visit him, for either of you.

Weepingwillows12 · 22/09/2019 17:07

Then he is treating you very badly. Just go home and try and do something nice for yourself. He has some grovelling to do and you need to think whether this weekend is normal behaviour for him and whether you want him in your life anymore.

Bembridge124 · 22/09/2019 17:09

You need to be in bed resting not sitting in a coffee shop. His weekend was too hectic and he shouldn't have asked you to visit. But his behaviour probably feels way worse because you are unwell right now. Get well soon

Zebraaa · 22/09/2019 17:13

Just sounds like he had a busy weekend with lots of stuff to do and you clearly wanted him to sit indoors with yourself the whole time. Sadly, that isn’t real life.

Cherrysoup · 22/09/2019 17:18

So most stuff could have waited til this week, given he’s off? I’d just go home. That’s been a shit weekend for you.

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 17:21

I didn't expect him to sit in with me all weekend at all. Just expected some time where we just spoke or had a meal or something.

He's arranged to meet his friend this week, so he could have done moving stuff this week

OP posts:
Andylion · 22/09/2019 17:23

He's moving house next weekend and you didn't anticipate he might have stuff to do this weekend? YABU, sorry.

It sounds like very little of his activities and errands were to do with moving.

Rainbunny · 22/09/2019 17:25

Well sometimes life gets really busy and it seems that happened this weekend, he really should have let you know that it's a bad weekend to visit. I do sense a undercurrent of you not being a priority at any moment during this visit. Staying out drinking with his brother every night (whom I assume he sees often) rather than spending a few hours with you seems cold behaviour IMO. I'd go home and think about whether you're both in the same place in your relationship. I certainly wouldn't give up my weekend to trail around my partner.

Also, does he ever sleep? I was exhausted just reading about all the things he was doing over the weekend!

Etino · 22/09/2019 17:25

Go home.
Flowers

category12 · 22/09/2019 17:26

You're not acting spoilt. Go home.

TheAlternativeTentacle · 22/09/2019 17:27

If he was moving house then he was expecting to be busy.

Can you just go home?

Duchessgummybuns · 22/09/2019 17:27

He should have told you he would be busy sorting stuff for the move etc and not to come. If you have a chest infection you should have stayed at home anyway, you could get worse with all this stress and being passed from pillar to post. Go home to bed.

tryingoutgreyhair · 22/09/2019 17:27

Depends what kind of a long distance relationship you want.

Either you see each other less often and make the weekend you do visit "special" ie a long date or more regularly but you both get on with normal stuff. But you can't see each other frequently and put life on hold.

Plus this weekend was unusual as a house move/camping at his sisters always going to add stress

Lifeisabeach09 · 22/09/2019 17:28

He really needed to see his brother at 1am whilst you sat home with his parents?? Now, you're in a coffee shop waiting for him to finish his run?? He doesn't seem very attentive.

Fuck me, it's all about him!! Stop being a mug, waiting around for this dick, and get on a train home ASAP.

tryingoutgreyhair · 22/09/2019 17:30

Are you in a town? If so I'd go to the cinema for a couple of hours and relax

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