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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed or am I acting spoilt?

216 replies

sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 16:45

I came to my boyfriend's city for the weekend. He lives in a different city so we only see each other at the weekend. Spent a lot of money to get here, currently extremely broke. My boyfriend is usually extremely attentive and really caring for context

Anyway, since I have arrived it's been non stop running errands. He is moving house next week and so is currently staying at his sisters. I'm quite close to his sister so she said it was fine for us to sleep there.

Anyway. When I got here on Friday it was past 11pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took 1 hour. Then he said he wanted to go and see his brother for a few drinks. Didn't get back to his sisters until 3am. Had to wake up at 8am as he had an event he had to do in another city at 2pm. I went to this and waited around about 3 hours whilst he did it. Took 4 hours round trip to get there. Then he said he needed to go to see his family so we stayed at his mum's until 12am. He then met his brother again at 1am for a drink, and I asked him to come back because it was our last night together, which he did. This morning we both had to wake up at 8am again to move stuff for his house move, which involved me basically sitting in the car until now so his brother could help him carry stuff. He now is going for training for a sport he does until 8pm.

His sister has now gone on holiday and I don't feel comfortable sitting in her house on my own. So he's dropped me at a local coffee shop and then he's going to pick me up at 8.

I feel like shit. I know its so childish but I made such an effort to be here and I just feel so exhausted by all the running around. We didn't do anything nice, and we didn't really interact apart from during the drives to the things he needed to do.

On top of this I have had really bad chest infection so still have a temperature and feel sick.

I feel like such an idiot sitting in a coffee shop.

He's dropping me back home after his run but to be honest even tho I'm broke I just want to get a train...

Do you think I'm being childish ??

I don't even know whetehr to bring it up

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 22/09/2019 18:35

"He has a tendency to get really upset with what he perceives as criticism so not sure when to bring it up."

Just like people who are very straight talking and can't take criticism are always sensitive Hmm.

carlywurly · 22/09/2019 18:38

Let him take you home tonight - £100 is a lot if you're skint - and then have a good think about whether all this is worth it.

He has effectively shown you that you feature at the bottom of his priority list this weekend and he should have cancelled the non essential stuff to make room for you.

Leaving you in a coffee shop for hours on end is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not sure why you'd ever agree to that so suspect he's done a bit of a number on you.

category12 · 22/09/2019 18:43

And his reaction to perceived criticism is a big old red flag.

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 18:50

Yes I do feel like the lowest priority.

And yes he did find time to have sex.

OP posts:
StarStarBright · 22/09/2019 18:53

Based on how he’s treated you, you don’t seem to feature on his list of important things/people. I’d let him take you home and then reconsider if he features as an important part of your own life. It sounds like he just isn’t that into you

MrsAJ27 · 22/09/2019 18:53

He sounds very selfish, you should definitely tell him how you feel and let him have his hissy fit!

Drabarni · 22/09/2019 19:02

I'd give every weekend a miss.
The only acceptable thing was finishing off work, and he should have done this before you arrived.
For comparison me and dh had a long distance relationship for a while at about 18 months in.
We couldn't be parted at the weekends and it was hell leaving each other. Nothing else but time together mattered, and no way would a hobby have been considered.
You need to rethink your relationship and if this is worth it.

Raphael34 · 22/09/2019 19:10

Do you stay at his house every single weekend? What is he normally like on the other weekends? If you’re there every weekend and he’s working all week (and currently moving house), then there’s obviously going to be one weekend where he has other priorities rather than spending all his time with you. This weekend he had to work and wanted to spend some time with his family. If he’s not normally like this then I think the main issue is lack of communication. If you had a cheat infection and felt rubbish then you should have stayed at home. Did you ask him if he was planning on staying home all weekend, or whether he had stuff to do? Why couldn’t you have stayed at his house?

Lweji · 22/09/2019 19:11

If this is a one off, I'd let it go, but point out to him that I was feeling ill, spent all that money to travel and he hardly spent any time with me.

In any case, I'd tell him to come to me in future, at least for a while. Let him make the effort and show that you do matter to him.

category12 · 22/09/2019 19:18

But he has the coming week off, so he could have shifted things around to spend time with OP and to allow for her being ill still.

mankyfourthtoe · 22/09/2019 19:23

Get home when you can and don't come back next weekend to help him move.
And ask him what he has planned next time as you spent a lot of money and time coming over last time and felt like you slotted into a busy weekend, you'll leave it until you can be a priority.
Hope you feel better soon.

OooErMissus · 22/09/2019 19:31

He has a tendency to get really upset with what he perceives as criticism so not sure when to bring it up

Oh well, in that case, better sweep it under the carpet and never discuss anything that upsets you.

Or not....

Skysblue · 22/09/2019 19:59

Sorry you had a shit weekend. He treated you very badly. Some of it (house move) is kinda understandable but going out drinking without you, when you’re visiting, I find very weird/rude. At best he completely took you for granted, at worst he’s lost interest - although sounds like that might be a good thing!

(I’m suspicious that perhaps the fact you were feeling poorly meant he thought “girl broken => no dirty weekend => go do other stuff until girl better.”)

Anyway I would dump him or at least have a huge row. Who does he think he is? And why does he think it’s ok to treat you like that? He obviously doesn’t care at all how you feel and has no concept of basic manners. Not great material for long term partner.

worriedandannoyed · 22/09/2019 20:13

Does this happen every time you visit him? Does he come to your for weekends too?

It's fine as a one off weekend but not every time

UnderperformingSeal · 22/09/2019 21:11

He already senses something is wrong

Well done him, what a genius.

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 22:16

He's dumped me for making him feel shit.

OP posts:
ButterPie1 · 22/09/2019 22:25

OP, then he's a knob!! Are you back home? Have you got friends you can call on?

category12 · 22/09/2019 22:27

Oh, that kind of explains how he's been towards you. He's been leading up to this and it's why he hasn't made any effort for you all weekend.

Handy he can now say it's your fault for daring call him on his behaviour.

I'm sorry, OP. I think you'll find you're best off out of it.

Menandsecondfamilies · 22/09/2019 22:27

You’re well shot!!

Ragwort · 22/09/2019 22:29

Sorry you've been dumped but he sounds vile, you will be much better off without him, look after yourself and don't let another boyfriend treat you so badly.

When my DH & I met we were in a long distance relationship but weekends were always 'special', there is no way either of us would dream of doing chores or meeting other people (unless mutually discussed and agreed), sounds as if he was happy to use you for sex and nothing else Sad.

Wizzbangpop · 22/09/2019 22:38

Oh hun (I know that’s not very Mumsnetty) but he’s a knob. You can do a lot better. Hope you feel better soon and sending hugs FlowersCakeGinWine and for what it’s worth yadnbu

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 22/09/2019 22:39

He should feel shit. He's been a shit boyfriend this weekend and most likely in the lead up to this too.
You deserve someone who cares about you and prioritises you. X

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/09/2019 22:40

He's dumped me for making him feel shit

Should have been YOU dumping HIM for making YOU feel shit - but at least you're rid of the selfish twat.

Ginseng1 · 22/09/2019 22:41

Oh am sorry. I was just about to come on to say his behaviour was exactly like an ex of mine over 20 yrs ago now at the end of a 3yr relationship. Felt so stupid afterwards all the waiting around waiting for his attention. It was a wake up call & I was well shot of him & you are too. Its hard tho hope you've someone to talk to. Few yrs later met my now dh also a long distance relationship for a year as it happens but as it should be weekends were for us & precious time together!

C0untDucku1a · 22/09/2019 22:44

Sounds like he was trying to get you to finish with him. He sounded awful anyway.

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