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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed or am I acting spoilt?

216 replies

sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 16:45

I came to my boyfriend's city for the weekend. He lives in a different city so we only see each other at the weekend. Spent a lot of money to get here, currently extremely broke. My boyfriend is usually extremely attentive and really caring for context

Anyway, since I have arrived it's been non stop running errands. He is moving house next week and so is currently staying at his sisters. I'm quite close to his sister so she said it was fine for us to sleep there.

Anyway. When I got here on Friday it was past 11pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took 1 hour. Then he said he wanted to go and see his brother for a few drinks. Didn't get back to his sisters until 3am. Had to wake up at 8am as he had an event he had to do in another city at 2pm. I went to this and waited around about 3 hours whilst he did it. Took 4 hours round trip to get there. Then he said he needed to go to see his family so we stayed at his mum's until 12am. He then met his brother again at 1am for a drink, and I asked him to come back because it was our last night together, which he did. This morning we both had to wake up at 8am again to move stuff for his house move, which involved me basically sitting in the car until now so his brother could help him carry stuff. He now is going for training for a sport he does until 8pm.

His sister has now gone on holiday and I don't feel comfortable sitting in her house on my own. So he's dropped me at a local coffee shop and then he's going to pick me up at 8.

I feel like shit. I know its so childish but I made such an effort to be here and I just feel so exhausted by all the running around. We didn't do anything nice, and we didn't really interact apart from during the drives to the things he needed to do.

On top of this I have had really bad chest infection so still have a temperature and feel sick.

I feel like such an idiot sitting in a coffee shop.

He's dropping me back home after his run but to be honest even tho I'm broke I just want to get a train...

Do you think I'm being childish ??

I don't even know whetehr to bring it up

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 22/09/2019 22:44

He hasn’t dumped you for talking about this. He’s behaved like this and prompted this conversation in order to break up with you. He’s being a cowardly sock trying to make you responsible. Don’t let him and don’t second guess yourself.

cstaff · 22/09/2019 22:44

So it's your fault that he was an asshole all weekend. I don't bloody think so. Hope you are ok OP Flowers

BrownStripePJ · 22/09/2019 22:53

Lucky escape x

Unknownanon · 22/09/2019 23:00

He treated you badly. I hope he dropped you home first and i hope you ignore him if he comes crawling back.

Magicmama92 · 22/09/2019 23:02

You sound better off rid. I no youl be hurt but what he did wasnt right. He should have said hed be busy not just expect you to sit around and be only there for sex that's disgusting. Dont think of it as dumped think you've been set free from someone who obviously dosnt care unless its about him.

Dieu · 22/09/2019 23:09

I'm sorry, but you sound too needy. This obviously wasn't going to be an ideal weekend to visit, and it sounds like you've been more hindrance than help.

TheJellyBabyMadeMeDoIt · 22/09/2019 23:12

Vile creature.

You may not be able to see it now but you're better off without him and he's done you a favour.

I was dumped under kind of similar circumstances, I think the humiliation stings as much as the broken heart.

Can you take tomorrow off work and just rest? A chest infection, a temperature and now an emotional upheaval - without wanting to be dramatic you don't want to risk getting more unwell.

Look after yourself Cake BrewFlowers

mankyfourthtoe · 22/09/2019 23:14

Ah he was doing that thing where they treat you like shit so you'll get angry and there's a reason he dumped you.
You are so well rid

GettingABitDesperateNow · 22/09/2019 23:19

I'm sorry OP

If he can only see you weekends he should have been making the most of it. House moving stuff may have been unavoidable but seeing his brother both nights when you're waiting for him at his sisters is extremely rude.

I also think he was treating you horribly to make you dump him and then he isn't the bad guy. In a relationship you should be able to tell someone that they have upset you without them taking it out on you.

Basically he has behaved like a shit, and then got angry at you for getting upset at being treated like shit. It seems to happen a lot on mumsnet, man has awful behaviour (eg getting drunk and puking on the kitchen floor and leaving it), women understandably gets upset and tells him, man attempts to cover up his disgraceful behaviour by attacking the woman (eg you're always nagging at me to clean, I'm sick of being criticised, its abusive, no wonder I'm forced to drink til I'm sick everywhere, and storms off). I'm sure at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, you'll realise what a lucky escape you had. And he should be feeling like shit, because he left his sick gf on her own in a strange house all weekend when she made the effort to visit.

GroggyLegs · 22/09/2019 23:31

Sorry OP.
Try to remember :
There was never a future with a man you couldn't talk to. You end up tiptoeing around on eggshells & it's a terrible way to live.
He behaved like an utter bellend.

NoSquirrels · 22/09/2019 23:36

He has a tendency to get really upset with what he perceives as criticism

I c+p this to tell you he sounds like an arse you shouldn't pander to.

And then I read your update:

He's dumped me for making him feel shit

What an absolute prince.

It's not you, it's 100% him.

I'm sorry, you must feel fucking awful but from over here, I can confidently tell you he is not worth your time or affection and you will find someone much better in the future. Flowers

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 22/09/2019 23:44

So where are you staying tonight, OP? Are you ok?

thecatinthetwat · 22/09/2019 23:57

Oh op Flowers

He’s an absolute arsehole. You did the right thing to not except his bad treatment of you.

He obviously can only be with someone who does everything he wants and jumps through hoops.

Get yourself well and do not take him back. I suspect he will come crawling back once he’s sufficiently punished you for not towing the line.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2019 23:57

What a pig. He found time to have sex with you, treated you abysmally all weekend then dumped you for making him feel shit. Flowers

MidniteScribbler · 23/09/2019 00:22

Dodged a bullet there. Imagine dealing with this fuckhead for the rest of your life?

HollowTalk · 23/09/2019 00:29

He's dumped you? Oh I wish you'd got in there first. What a waste of time he is. There are better men out there, OP.

And btw was he letting you pay each time you went to his town, even though you have no money?

MaraScottie · 23/09/2019 00:34

He sounds like a giant child.

Well rid!

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 23/09/2019 00:39

If he had dumped me I would have denied having his flat keys and then dumped them down a drain.

billy1966 · 23/09/2019 07:22

OP, you are well rid of him.

He's treated you very poorly all weekend.

You were not his priority.

Move on.
Feel better soon 💐

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 23/09/2019 10:31

What an arse.

He's dumped me for making him feel shit.

I say this over and over again on here and it's worth saying again - nobody can make anybody else feel anything. If Viktor Frankel, survivor of the holocaust and Auchwitz can say nobody else is responsible for your feelings, his sorry ass in 2019 luxury can be responsible for his own feelings.

You aren't a stepford wife, and bloody well done for not behaving like one! Onwards! Flowers

GreatestShowUnicorn · 23/09/2019 10:40

He's been an arse I thought you were going to complain he was too busy moving house but very little sounds house related. You are well rid of him.

ChicCroissant · 23/09/2019 10:44

How long had you known him, OP?

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 23/09/2019 10:49

I'm just really shocked this morning.

This is the first time we have argued. Weve only been together a few months. It's long distance.

He just dropped me home and said he wanted to go home. When I asked if we were breaking up he said "I am" and then wouldn't engaged kept saying I want to go home over and over again. That I didn't consider his feelings and that he always considered mine. That I won't trust him ?Confused

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/09/2019 11:09

He thinks he considered your feelings this weekend?

HollowTalk · 23/09/2019 11:11

I say this over and over again on here and it's worth saying again - nobody can make anybody else feel anything

I can never understand this quote. Of course people can make you feel things - they can make you feel unloved, unattractive, stupid and the rest. Why pretend that they can't, just because one person says so?

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