To be annoyed or am I acting spoilt?

[sittingunderthetree]

I came to my boyfriend's city for the weekend. He lives in a different city so we only see each other at the weekend. Spent a lot of money to get here, currently extremely broke. My boyfriend is usually extremely attentive and really caring for context

Anyway, since I have arrived it's been non stop running errands. He is moving house next week and so is currently staying at his sisters. I'm quite close to his sister so she said it was fine for us to sleep there.

Anyway. When I got here on Friday it was past 11pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took 1 hour. Then he said he wanted to go and see his brother for a few drinks. Didn't get back to his sisters until 3am. Had to wake up at 8am as he had an event he had to do in another city at 2pm. I went to this and waited around about 3 hours whilst he did it. Took 4 hours round trip to get there. Then he said he needed to go to see his family so we stayed at his mum's until 12am. He then met his brother again at 1am for a drink, and I asked him to come back because it was our last night together, which he did. This morning we both had to wake up at 8am again to move stuff for his house move, which involved me basically sitting in the car until now so his brother could help him carry stuff. He now is going for training for a sport he does until 8pm.

His sister has now gone on holiday and I don't feel comfortable sitting in her house on my own. So he's dropped me at a local coffee shop and then he's going to pick me up at 8.

I feel like shit. I know its so childish but I made such an effort to be here and I just feel so exhausted by all the running around. We didn't do anything nice, and we didn't really interact apart from during the drives to the things he needed to do.

On top of this I have had really bad chest infection so still have a temperature and feel sick.

I feel like such an idiot sitting in a coffee shop.

He's dropping me back home after his run but to be honest even tho I'm broke I just want to get a train...

Do you think I'm being childish ??

I don't even know whetehr to bring it up

OP I think you need to take back some control. The way he has reacted is a massive red flag and in all honesty I would walk.

He seems to want everything on his terms, with no consideration for you.

Block him and get on with your life

You have done nothing wrong. He hasn't considered your feelings at all.
You are thinking he should have some credit for driving you to a coffee shop and leaving you there for hours with nothing to do? Why?

He is making you ill. Tell him its over and then block him.

It's not meant to be this hard / fraught, and you're not meant to spend your entire time second guessing him and yourself.

When you meet someone you're actually compatible with, it's easy. It all falls into place and there's none of this angst
.
You'll get back together with this guy. And you'll carry on having these fallings out because you're not right for each other - you don't help each other, or bring out the best in each other.

You'll eventually break up for good - because, well, you will.

And then one day, you'll meet someone you actually get on with, and you'll realise how it's meant to be.

@OooErMissus

I think that's what I am struggling with. Like I have mentioned, we were seemingly extremely compatible before this weekend. Even before the coffee shop incident really - interests, values, careers all matched up. We talked about everything and anything. It seemed very equal.

Should I really put this one experience down as a "definitely not compatible?" Do I not consider the stress he is under ATM?

I know I am going round in circles. This is horrible.

I don't know enough about it but I've read on here about men adapting their reality to fit yours, so everything is in sync, just to reel you in.
If he was really into you he'd have seen you were ill and apologised for a crappy weekend and promised a better one after he'd moved. Not just telling you you made him feel bad.

Also thank you to everyone who has responded, I don't have many friends in real life who would help me through this. My mum is also not well atm and dont want to burden her with something so tedious.

I really appreciate the insights.

Mirroring, yes.

He did acknowledge how ill she felt at one point, and then went off and left her to it.

It's not that you rowed (even though you barely did) it's how he's dealing with it now that's the telling thing. He's not apologising or meeting you halfway. He's conditioning you to avoid challenging him next time.

I honestly wouldn't let there be a next time but I suspect you will.

Totally agree with what @carlywurly said. If you get back with him you'll have to just accept that you can never bring up any issues because I can guarantee this is how he will always react so your feelings will never be listened to and everything will always be your fault.

@carlywurly

You're right. I fully expected an apology on the Monday phone call. The longer it goes on, the more certain I am that this is a massive game playing ploy.

My UTI is worse so I don't think I will be meeting him Friday regardless.

Don't entertain this. Straighten your crown and move on in dignified fashion. ❤️

You sound incredibly run down. If you have a uti go to your GP, you'll likely need antibiotics.

Rest up and focus on you. Unless he has issued a grovelling apology, I wouldn't give him the time of day on Friday. Seriously, he sounds controlling and frankly very immature.

It doesn't really matter how ostensibly 'compatible' you were.

This is a massive incompatibility red flag very early on in the relationship.

It does not bode well. In fact, it tells you everything you need to know, which is to remove yourself from the situation.

This is still early days, and if it (the relationship) were right, this whole weekend would never have played out like this. You wouldn't already be walking on eggshells for fear of criticising him.

You know it's not right, but you think ignoring your instincts is the right thing to do, because you'd rather be with him.

That's your choice.

You may well have seemed perfectly compatible up until this weekend, but isnt that the point of dating someone? That you are seeing if you are compatible, especially in the early days (I know its been a few months but that is still early ish), and if you aren't, its time to go before you waste any time.

I keep flipping back from he does lots of things for me (including driving me home, buying me dinner etc) and that I should have kept my mouth shut

No.

No, no, no. You don’t put up with bad behaviour because another person ‘does stuff’ for you. Your compliance and tolerance of bad behaviour isn’t payment for a lift or dinner.

He said you were ‘manipulative’ - Classic DARVO.

He says you’re ‘like his sister’ - presumably an insult, but also indirectly shows you his opinion of women in general.

Find someone nicer, sweetheart.

Wow what an arsehole! He is manipulating you, love bombing then boundary testing, gaslighting you, the works.

Don't even entertain talking to him again. He needs a few days to decide if he wants to be with you??! he can fuck off! You deserve a partner who doesn't even need to think about if they want to be with you, they just do.

Tell him you're done, block him. You are worth so much more than that piece of shit.

I'm sorry you had such an arse weekend. He treated you horribly, and is still doing it. Take control back and block him.