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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed or am I acting spoilt?

216 replies

sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 16:45

I came to my boyfriend's city for the weekend. He lives in a different city so we only see each other at the weekend. Spent a lot of money to get here, currently extremely broke. My boyfriend is usually extremely attentive and really caring for context

Anyway, since I have arrived it's been non stop running errands. He is moving house next week and so is currently staying at his sisters. I'm quite close to his sister so she said it was fine for us to sleep there.

Anyway. When I got here on Friday it was past 11pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took 1 hour. Then he said he wanted to go and see his brother for a few drinks. Didn't get back to his sisters until 3am. Had to wake up at 8am as he had an event he had to do in another city at 2pm. I went to this and waited around about 3 hours whilst he did it. Took 4 hours round trip to get there. Then he said he needed to go to see his family so we stayed at his mum's until 12am. He then met his brother again at 1am for a drink, and I asked him to come back because it was our last night together, which he did. This morning we both had to wake up at 8am again to move stuff for his house move, which involved me basically sitting in the car until now so his brother could help him carry stuff. He now is going for training for a sport he does until 8pm.

His sister has now gone on holiday and I don't feel comfortable sitting in her house on my own. So he's dropped me at a local coffee shop and then he's going to pick me up at 8.

I feel like shit. I know its so childish but I made such an effort to be here and I just feel so exhausted by all the running around. We didn't do anything nice, and we didn't really interact apart from during the drives to the things he needed to do.

On top of this I have had really bad chest infection so still have a temperature and feel sick.

I feel like such an idiot sitting in a coffee shop.

He's dropping me back home after his run but to be honest even tho I'm broke I just want to get a train...

Do you think I'm being childish ??

I don't even know whetehr to bring it up

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 22/09/2019 17:31

You cannot expect him to value you unless you value yourself. Why on earth are you sitting in a coffee shop when you are ill. Go home.

StarlingsInSummer · 22/09/2019 17:34

When I got here on Friday it was past 11pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took 1 hour. Then he said he wanted to go and see his brother for a few drinks. Didn't get back to his sisters until 3am

I can’t imagine anything worse than this, especially with a chest infection. What a grim weekend. He’s being very inconsiderate, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want to go home.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 22/09/2019 17:38

Did you not discuss weekend plans beforehand? Do you visit each other every weekend? If so he has to see his family and such as well as you so could be understandable depending on usual schedules.
I do think you are being a bit of a martyr tho be refusing to stay at his sisters house on your own it you are unwell. He definitely isnt being great but sounds like you are not helping yourself either.

Jeschara · 22/09/2019 17:39

Go home and get some rest. Use the train and have a sleep. Get yourself well and see where you want to go with this relationship.
Don't do anything while you are I'll or upset
He may just have been thoughtless. You need to then explain how you feel ,he may understand and apologise, but you need to be firm and tell him it must not happen again. If he does not appologise I would be thinking of leaving the relationship.

Butterfly84 · 22/09/2019 17:43

Yeah, doesn't sound attentive at all.

He should have missed his hobby/not seen his family because you'd made the special effort to come and see him. He doesn't seem bothered about you being there. It's like he just took you along (or dropped you off somewhere you didn't want to be) whilst he saw the people who he actually wanted to see.

Nearly all these activities weren't concerned with his house move so I can't see things getting better OP.

INeedAFlerken · 22/09/2019 17:45

Did he find time to want sex both nights? After pretty much prioritising everyone and everything else since you arrived?

I would think long and hard about where you rank in his life.

IN the meantime, go home. Get in bed. Get well. Then think about what you want out of a relationship and demand it.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/09/2019 17:46

" You cannot expect him to value you unless you value yourself. Why on earth are you sitting in a coffee shop when you are ill. Go home."

THIS ^^
I hope you went home. Also I've suffered from Chest infections and they can be absolutely grim without any visible sign from the outside. People who are only thinking about themselves will not notice or show any sympathy. Chest infections can also get worse very quickly.
Please Please go to your GP and get this sorted out as soon as you can and PUT YOURSELF and YOUR HEALTH FIRST!!!
This is what your boyfriend should be saying to you by the way!

Before you have your next visit. Make sure to find out what the schedule or plan is and decide in advance if this is something you actually want to spend your time doing.
It sounds as though you are trying to be supportive and flexible for his benefit, which is nice, but if you keep doing this - he will eventually expect this all the time and take it for granted.
For one thing, it doesn't convey a great image of yourself to the world or to him to allow yourself be parked in a cafe, feeling tired, ill and miserable. You will probably get some flak for this, even though its not your fault. There is no way to win here. You are left with a choice of playing the plucky co-operative good sport or the moaning minne.. two awful roles. The only way forward is to plan in advance and negotiate how you spend your time when you visit. If it doesn't suit you, don't go. Sorry that you are feeling so unwell and I hope you are on your way home x

Lou0390 · 22/09/2019 17:48

Just like everyone else is saying he really does not put you high in his list of priorities. Believe me, don't think for a minute it will improve.
Go home, get better and really decide if you want to continue to be treated like this Thanks

rosedream · 22/09/2019 17:52

You're both in the wrong.
He should have communicated what was happening this weekend to you.
You shouldn't have gone up ill with a temperature and feeling sick. You should have stayed home to get better on your sofa in pj's and the TV plus not spread your germs about.
What did he say when you said to him you hadn't had any time together and he should have told you of his plans ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2019 17:57

Go home. You really shouldn’t have gone this weekend. You are ill and he didn’t have time for you. A big lesson for both of you in communication.

neighbourhoodwitch · 22/09/2019 17:58

God, poor you :(

hazell42 · 22/09/2019 17:58

If you are always this accommodating he is going to walk all over you.
Go home. Tell him the next time he invites you over, it had better be to spend time with you.
Parking you with relatives and abandoning you in coffee shops while he does other stuff is not on. Very little of that seems to have been important. If he was busy he should have said so and given you the option to stay at home and nurse your cold he is an arse

wichitalinemanswoman · 22/09/2019 18:01

Go home. He's wasting your time and evidently thinks his time is more important than yours. Go home and learn from this weekend.

SunshineCake · 22/09/2019 18:02

If you can't communicate then maybe you're not ready for a relationship.

Ohyesiam · 22/09/2019 18:09

You definitely need to bring it up or it would be weird. If your in a relationship with someone but you don’t communicate about what’s important to you, it’s not really a relationship is it?
Stick to how it feels for you. Communication always goes better if you keep your cool and don’t start accusing him of things. Sounds like he had lots to do but could have been more considerate about meeting his brother.
Hope it goes well.

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 18:14

There's no available trains below £100 tonight and I am not in a position to spend that much. Also I have his flat keys for some reason 🙄

I'm just going to tell him that communication this weekend wasn't good and that he should have told me that it would be extremely errand based. He already senses something is wrong. He felt my head before and said oh you seem really unwell- still went for a run. I might also give next weekend a miss.

He has a tendency to get really upset with what he perceives as criticism so not sure when to bring it up

OP posts:
Herja · 22/09/2019 18:18

If I were you I'd get the train home. I'd not bother telling him, nor would I bother speaking to him for a while. You're not being spoilt, he's being a twat. How long have you been together? Perhaps too long...

category12 · 22/09/2019 18:19

It gets worse: you can't talk to him about when he behaves badly because he throws a hissy fit. Sigh.

category12 · 22/09/2019 18:19

He knows you're ill and he still left you in a coffee shop for hours.

Herja · 22/09/2019 18:20

Sorry OP, cross posts.

How long have you been together? He doesn't really seem to give much of a fuck about you. Or at least from these posts.

Beautiful3 · 22/09/2019 18:21

He has a lot to do and there is no point you being in a coffee shop surely. Just send a friendly text saying, "I'm feeling like crap so am heading home. Good luck with the house move."

Shoutouttomyspecs · 22/09/2019 18:21

On top of this I have had really bad chest infection so still have a temperature and feel sick. yabu for going in the first place when you feel like this.

Original poster
sittingunderthetree · 22/09/2019 18:24

For those saying I shouldn't have gone with the end symptoms of a chest infection, I have travelled to London every day for work for 2 weeks in the midst of it. I was thinking I would be in a house most of the weekend, just not mine.

OP posts:
ChikiTIKI · 22/09/2019 18:30

bring it up in the car where neither person can storm off. if you raise it at the start of the journey hopefully he will have accepted it by the time he drops you off.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 22/09/2019 18:31

Check to see if splitting the ticket is any cheaper.

He can't handle anything that seems le it might be criticism? Thay doesnt bode well for the future.
You've been his lowest priority all weekend. He's put late night to early morning drinking with his brother before even a cup of tea in bed and a chat with you on both nights. I could understand if the weekend was full of house move stuff, but it's been his leisure activities and not even joint ones with you eg a meal or cinema. I had a long distance boyfriend weekend like that, it ended with me buying him a coffee in the train station and him telling me he didn't think it was working out! Angry

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