Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aiu to feel annoyed about Xmas plans

223 replies

XmasAnnoyances · 17/09/2019 16:58

The last 3 years it has fallen to me to host Xmas. So mum, dad, bro and his partner and their teenage child all at mine from Xmas Eve til boxing day.

Last year I did it all with 4 children, 1 a newborn. None of them bought anything, not even a cheap bottle of wine (although they got the kids lots of lovely presents!) Noone helped, I was cooking Xmas dinner while holding baby who would only be comforted by me. Baby was very unwell and after lunch I ended up taking her to a&e, she had a viral wheeze and after treatment we were discharged with inhaler and steroids. I returned to find all the washing up still piled high, mess everywhere, bro was pissed, DH was trying to help but looking after children. When we got back dad said "yay, she's back, we can have supper now!"

So this year I decided not to host and wait (hope) one of the others would do it.

My mum just called to say bro and his family are going to hers for xmas but that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone so we are invited to join them for a walk boxing day afternoon if we want.
I feel a bit peeved as we have no other family, DH is only child and his parents died before we had kids.

So aiu to feel irritated?I know hosting doesn't mean they have to return the invite but I feel a bit used. Also wibu to think sod it and start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

OP posts:
hippy1952 · 17/09/2019 17:01

Go for it!

sleepismysuperpower1 · 17/09/2019 17:01

YANBU to feel irritated! And I wouldn't think twice about going away!

Chitarra · 17/09/2019 17:01

I agree that seems unfair. You hosted for three years and now you're invited back to go for a walk!

Is your brother the 'golden child'?

YANBU to go on holiday instead. Do it!

Didntwanttochangemyname · 17/09/2019 17:02

Sod the lot of them, and remember this next year.
Can you and DH and the children go and do something really lovely together? Stay in a nice hotel and have everything done for you!

eosmum · 17/09/2019 17:03

That’s really horrible and I would have to say something to them about how shitty the are. But also now you get a lovely chill Christmas kids with their toys and only yourselves to please.

Teachermaths · 17/09/2019 17:03

Jeez OP kyou should have found a backbone a long time ago. They are fuckers.

Go away and enjoy the holiday away from your vile family.

Justmuddlingalong · 17/09/2019 17:03

Get booking!

Original poster
XmasAnnoyances · 17/09/2019 17:03

Bro is younger and infantilised. Wouldn't occur to him to invite us. I am practical and got on with life, he always needs handouts and help. He is selfish, I love him but it's like he never grew up - in fact his name is Peter and we joke he is Peter Pan!

OP posts:
Blue5238 · 17/09/2019 17:04

Definitely sod the lot of them and go away

Raffles1981 · 17/09/2019 17:05

A walk?! After all you did! Yeah, fuck them and the horse they rode in on OP. Make it all about you and your DH and DCs. It's the least you deserve x

IsSummerOverYet19 · 17/09/2019 17:05

YANBU, I would feel used too.

Either go away, or stay home as a family, but never invite them to yours again, has your brother ever hosted?

We always alternated between my parents and in-laws, since we only have inlaws now, we have every other Christmas alone as a family of 4 (although we will see inlaws before or after Xmas).

Whilst I like my in-laws, I also really like the Christmas days just the 4 of us, they are more chilled !

Original poster
XmasAnnoyances · 17/09/2019 17:06

I never minded hosting before as I have the bigger house, lots of children etc. But last year was awful and not only did I feel I wanted someone else to host so I could enjoy the kids rather than running around after everyone, I also wanted to be somewhere else so we didn't relive the horrible memories of DD being so poorly last year. After the viral wheeze she developed pneumonia and it was a nasty couple of months at the beginning of the year.

OP posts:
Paddington68 · 17/09/2019 17:07

Get thee on a plane.

Nonnymum · 17/09/2019 17:07

Just enjoy Christmas with your DH and DC. They sound very thoughtless.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 17/09/2019 17:09

Send them each a very cheap bottle of wine for Christmas OP, no expensive presents. Save your money so you and your DH can treat yourselves and the DCs.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/09/2019 17:09

It must be annoying that they have so little awareness of how much you’ve done for them at Christmas over the years.

But if it was me, I’d be getting the flags out! You and your DH can enjoy being with just your family. What could be better?

ChristmasFluff · 17/09/2019 17:09

Arrange something else lovely for you and your family, or have a nice relaxed Christmas at home alone.

Don't you dare go for their stupid Boxing Day walk either!

Next year, get in first, and invite the whole ungrateful lot of them to YOURS for a Boxing Day walk, and let's see how they like them apples!

Parky04 · 17/09/2019 17:10

Bliss you can either go away or have Christmas at home without anyone else! We always have Christmas at home and never invite anyone!

Chocolatemouse84 · 17/09/2019 17:10

I'd be really hurt about that. To me, Christmas is an open invitation for family, we just make do in terms of space and cooking and my parents would never have dreamed to have invited my sibling and not me.

Just do your own thing and don't feel guilty

RicStar · 17/09/2019 17:10

OP I get you are annoyed but I dont get how you were made to host. If you dont want to host dont offer. But you cant make anyone host you. Put your family first going forward and feel no guilts about it.

Cakeorchocolate · 17/09/2019 17:11

Defitintely nbu. I would absolutely go on hol if dh and the kids are up for it. Enjoy.

nancy75 · 17/09/2019 17:13

I don’t understand why, when just invited for a walk, you didn’t tell them how crap that was after you’d hosted for 3 years.

Drum2018 · 17/09/2019 17:13

Be delighted that the tradition has been broken and you'll never have to host them again. I certainly wouldn't be inviting them again. Start your own traditions with Dh and the kids and build on them over the coming years as kids get older and their needs change. Personally I wouldn't go on holidays with young kids at Christmas (trying to fit in Santa presents) but definitely when they are older it will be something to plan for. Let your mother continue to baby your brother - god help his girlfriend if she sticks with him!

managedmis · 17/09/2019 17:14

YANBU.

I've been there, done that. Christmas Dinner for 14 people, prior offers of help but everyone shitfaced off of white wine comotosed on the sofa, me running round like a blue arsed fly with a baby and a manic toddler.

Fuck that.

AgentProvocateur · 17/09/2019 17:14

Damn, I pressed the wrong button. YANBU.