Aiu to feel annoyed about Xmas plans

[XmasAnnoyances]

The last 3 years it has fallen to me to host Xmas. So mum, dad, bro and his partner and their teenage child all at mine from Xmas Eve til boxing day.

Last year I did it all with 4 children, 1 a newborn. None of them bought anything, not even a cheap bottle of wine (although they got the kids lots of lovely presents!) Noone helped, I was cooking Xmas dinner while holding baby who would only be comforted by me. Baby was very unwell and after lunch I ended up taking her to a&e, she had a viral wheeze and after treatment we were discharged with inhaler and steroids. I returned to find all the washing up still piled high, mess everywhere, bro was pissed, DH was trying to help but looking after children. When we got back dad said "yay, she's back, we can have supper now!"

So this year I decided not to host and wait (hope) one of the others would do it.

My mum just called to say bro and his family are going to hers for xmas but that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone so we are invited to join them for a walk boxing day afternoon if we want.
I feel a bit peeved as we have no other family, DH is only child and his parents died before we had kids.

So aiu to feel irritated?I know hosting doesn't mean they have to return the invite but I feel a bit used. Also wibu to think sod it and start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

I think you need to have words with your mum. You don’t have to be angry but you can let her know how disappointed you are.

EIther go away, or just say no to the walk and just have a family time at home over the whole period. I also wouldn’t be hosting Christmas for the whole family ever again. If you felt you had to then I would be divvying up who brings what and what jobs they will be expected to do months before Christmas in the hope it puts them off

Omg i read all your post fuming for you and was just about to comment that you should give them all a huge rant about what they put you through last year

Til i read your last line....

yeeesss...go on holiday.

You deserve peace and quiet. Forget them and dont ever waste energy on them again..and never invite them round again.

Get a trip to centerparcs or somewhere booked and have a blissfully quiet and content xmas

Sod the lot of them and do Christmas exactly as you want!

I would definitely go away. Rude buggers

Don't invite your brother to stay with you, he sounds like a bit of a free loader, interesting that he hasn't invited you to stay with him, to give you a break from cooking etc.
As for your Mother and the Boxing Day restaurant, well it shows how little she values you. She'd be waiting a long time before she saw me or my children again if she were my Mother.

Yabu enjoy this year just you you're child and you're dh not running around after everyone else surely this is a good thing op?

I’m team holiday. Their being awful to you.

I'd RSVP your mother and say yes, we'll be at the meal on Boxing Day.

Did she really expect you NOT to find out?

Your parents are wankers. Your brother is, too, sorry. I'd just tell have him to stay over New Year or after you get back from hols and just tell him that, as in this is how it is, end of discussion.

As for your parents, sorry, but I'd not be able to hold my tongue. That's a really shit thing to do.

Well! Now you know you aren’t invited for lunch at the posh restaurant they can all fuck off. ‘Hi mum, just to let you know I’m so disappointed to hear we are just invited for a walk after you have a nice lunch out, which I guess will be with the family you care about. Looking back at how hard I worked to host last christmas I regret it very much. I’m having Christmas with my family this year and you can all do whatever you want, so just like every year for you really.

I would have gone absolutely bat shit if I’d got back from AnE on Christmas Day and no one had so much as washed up!!!! You are a saint.
Get away from it all - or at least enjoy a quiet family Christmas with your DH and kids! Enjoy!

I would have gone ape shit at them long ago. That stunt when you came back with a newborn, wtaf, if I were your H I'd have had them mucking in to clean it all up and then telling them it was time to go as baby was ill. That was shit of them.

But now, I'd use time's message. Time to get a backbone.

Oh... I'm sad for you, your parents have treated you appallingly

Will you call them out on it? The boxing day dinner without you is harsh. I wouldn't be walking with them afterwards I'm afraid.

I I'd book your family a table at the restaurant, keep quiet and watch them squirm on the day. (as long as you can afford it).

Has the seaside town got a pier? A short one. That your parents can take a long walk off of. To not even invite you for a restaurant lunch is awful.

No fucking way would I ever host them again. Their attitude stinks.

Their conduct when you were in hospital with your newborn was absolutely unforgivable, but I do wonder how much the fact you have 4 small DCs is playing a part here?

Yes...go away

Don’t bother with the expense of going away. I would either buy lots of delicious food and have your own family Christmas or go out for Christmas lunch so you can just enjoy the day without cooking. Enjoy your little family . Christmases with small children are very precious.

Utter bastards! Book a holiday stuff the lot of them.

Someone mentioned upthread about the M&S pre prepped stuff! It's life-changing, you literally just shove it all in the oven and then onto your plate! They can even cook your turkey for you 😂 then just chill out with your husband and babies! Loads of films and choccies and your living room full of toys and pressies! It will be the best Christmas you've all ever had.

P.s your family are very unfair to treat you that way!!!!

I’m furious on your behalf for both the previous year and this one- and you absolutely need to let your parents know they are fuckers. I honestly don’t know if I could see my parents again if they did this. You will make your own traditions ... I love Christmas just for...

Given your update about the boxing day meal I would have to have it out with your mum. She is behaving incredibly hurtful and I don't think I would want anything to do with any of them again.

I actually think Christmas away with small children could be pretty stressful so if it were me I'd stay home and spend the money on treats and fun days out over the holiday, plus lovely food from someplace nice so you don't spend half the day in the kitchen.

Re your family I wouldn't be in any rush to host them again. I can't believe they were so unconcerned about their tiny gdc last year that they carried on enjoying themselves not giving a damn that you were concerned enough to bring her to A&E !

Tbh that would have been enough for me to decide never again and I'd have been questioning whether my parents and brother give a damn about me and mine. I don't think I'd have been interested in making any plans with them this year!