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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aiu to feel annoyed about Xmas plans

223 replies

XmasAnnoyances · 17/09/2019 16:58

The last 3 years it has fallen to me to host Xmas. So mum, dad, bro and his partner and their teenage child all at mine from Xmas Eve til boxing day.

Last year I did it all with 4 children, 1 a newborn. None of them bought anything, not even a cheap bottle of wine (although they got the kids lots of lovely presents!) Noone helped, I was cooking Xmas dinner while holding baby who would only be comforted by me. Baby was very unwell and after lunch I ended up taking her to a&e, she had a viral wheeze and after treatment we were discharged with inhaler and steroids. I returned to find all the washing up still piled high, mess everywhere, bro was pissed, DH was trying to help but looking after children. When we got back dad said "yay, she's back, we can have supper now!"

So this year I decided not to host and wait (hope) one of the others would do it.

My mum just called to say bro and his family are going to hers for xmas but that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone so we are invited to join them for a walk boxing day afternoon if we want.
I feel a bit peeved as we have no other family, DH is only child and his parents died before we had kids.

So aiu to feel irritated?I know hosting doesn't mean they have to return the invite but I feel a bit used. Also wibu to think sod it and start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

OP posts:
JetPlanesMeeting · 17/09/2019 17:40

Do you think she was secretly hoping you would offer to host again?

Fuck them all, do Christmas your way, whether that is at home or being catered by other people on Christmas day.

We have never stayed away for Christmas because the children enjoy the tradition of waking up here on Christmas morning.

Jayaywhynot · 17/09/2019 17:41

YANBU, I host xmas every year, last year we had 12 for lunch, it's such hard work. This year everyone has had better options so it's just the four of us who live here and my mum. I cant wait. I think you should have xmas day at home with hubby and DC & I'll bet you love it

Serin · 17/09/2019 17:43

I think you could be a victim of your own success OP. You are probably such a good host that you make it all look effortless. Perhaps they genuinely think you cope with everything.
They are still a bunch of useless arses though.
I would welcome the new plans with open arms. You are free to do your own thing now! Families get bigger and it's just not feasible to meet up for several days over Christmas.

eddielizzard · 17/09/2019 17:44

Fuck em. Can they really not see that last Christmas was a shit deal for you and at least try to reciprocate! Unbelievable.

EileenAlanna · 17/09/2019 17:45

I'll say the same here as I've said on a few threads that are cropping up now in the run up to Christmas - have Christmas at home with just you, DH & your own DC. Visit other family before or after the day or say they can visit you for a glass of something & a mince pie on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day but that's all.

Too many women being put under pressure & stress for nothing. Enjoy the holidays & hope you have lovely Christmases from here on in [santa]

Bouffalant · 17/09/2019 17:46

Bet you could get a pretty decent deal to Tenerife or somewhere OP.

We had 5 nights in a cottage in Lanzarote for £390.

FrauHaribo · 17/09/2019 17:47

start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

exactly what I would do!
and I wouldn't bother hosting them again for at leat the next 10 Christmas (make it 15) but I am childish like that!

dillusionaldog · 17/09/2019 17:48

next year i would host DB and tell DM "sorry no room but feel free to come for a walk on boxing day". fuckers.

Knittedfairies · 17/09/2019 17:48

I'm on Team Bugger'em. Go away or stay at home, but do your own thing. Let them be annoyed.

stepmumandmumtobe · 17/09/2019 17:51

Please hop on a plane and go enjoy your X'mas with your kids and DH. You deserve some time off with all this family crap hanging on top of your head.
Maybe send some fab pictures to your DParents and DBro of you and your family celebrating a relaxing and cheerful X'mas as it's supposed to be. Good Luck

Nanamilly · 17/09/2019 17:52

I'd say dont worry, I know exactly how you feel about cooking for a lot of people so this year is probably the right time to put an end to the big family gatherings.

Thanks for inviting us to go for a walk but we'll pass on that and do our own thing.

RichPetunia · 17/09/2019 17:52

Don't go away. Too much hassle. Stay home, have a small, cosy family Christmas. Watch the movies, have a relaxed dinner and relax. You'll never go back to hosting againSmile

Nousernameforme · 17/09/2019 17:57

I wouldn't go away. You can make new Christmas memories to wipe out last years. I would use the going away money to buy all the lovely pre-prepped stuff from m&s to minimise on the work. One of you do the cooking one clear up so its fair spend the entire thing in your pj's and have a lovely Christmas playing with the little ones and their toys

SunshineCake · 17/09/2019 17:57

Only go away if you want or.

Or s.tay home, buy any lovely things you couldn't afford for more than yourself, your husband and kids before and I would be giving them a few choice words.

Clangus00 · 17/09/2019 17:58

I would've gone absolutely scripto at returning from hospital to a house like a tip and a comment like that from your dad! SCRIPTO!
Absolutely have Christmas just yourselves, be that at home, elsewhere in the U.K. Or a cheap deal abroad. This would never be forgotten
Hope you all have a lovely time.

notangelinajolie · 17/09/2019 18:00

I think you have had a lucky escape. If you had decided to host again, chances are you would be doing every year after that too and then before you know it, it would it become enshrined into family law and then there would be no escaping from the leeches.

Book a cruise and have a fabulous Christmas!

Ispini · 17/09/2019 18:00

I would have absolutely flipped out at my family if I returned to washing up needing to be done after being in A & E. My Dad would have gotten a mouthful if he had said that on my return. OP get yourself and your own family on a plane and have an amazing Christmas, personally I wouldn’t let the CFs inside my door again. If there’s any questions about not entertaining in the further tell them why!

Piffle11 · 17/09/2019 18:01

YANBU. What a thoughtless lot … I certainly wouldn't be having them all over for Christmas again - it's not as though you enjoy it, is it? Why not have Christmas with just DH and the DC? Years ago MIL invited us to hers for Christmas dinner: about 3 weeks before the day she ditched us in favour of her DB and his family. We thought it was just her and her (2nd) DH … but then DH's cousin puts photos up on FB and there's MIL, her DH, BIL, and BIL's girlfriend of 3 months and her young DC. So we were the only ones not invited. Big house, too (and big table!!) Never did get to the bottom of that one! After that we decided we would do our own thing.

RunningOutOfCharacte · 17/09/2019 18:02

Fuck them

Go somewhere lovely and cosy for Xmas. Then next year when they're all angling for an invite announce you had such a lovely time away you're going to make it your new Xmas tradition!

See how long darling parents get bored pandering to baby brother.

Oh and my mum would extend the table into the hall and sit on the floor rather than turn anyone away at Christmas. Granted she's slightly bonkers. But i honestly can't imagine not extending an invite to you after all you've done.

Hope you all have a much more relaxed Xmas this year Thanks

ImNotYourGranny · 17/09/2019 18:04

Do your own thing for Christmas. Trust me, it will be the best Christmas you've ever had and you'll wonder why you bothered with all the politics for so long.

Purpleartichoke · 17/09/2019 18:05

I wouldn’t bother flying somewhere. Just plan a wonderful holiday at home for you and your children.

Confusedbeetle · 17/09/2019 18:09

Have your own family christmas at home, thats where your children will want to be

ShippingNews · 17/09/2019 18:09

Off you go ! It'll be the best Christmas ever and you'll wonder why you ever put up with all that crap .

2018SoFarSoGreat · 17/09/2019 18:17

Totally feel for you, OP. I do hope you get to go away and enjoy time with your family, and to heck with the rest of them!

I hosted all family Christmases for the last hundred years. Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration. Family kept growing, and we kept hosting. Literally, went from 12 people to 30 over the years (one cousin adopted 4, ending up with 6 DC, one of whom got married and had 3 DC - you get the picture.)

I literally dreaded it for months in advance. It was days of work moving furniture, organizing food shopping, baking, not to mention gifts and tree and decorating and figuring out seating for all these people. I admit that I loved that moment of actually sitting at the beautifully decorated tables with all that wonderful food, and people I loved around me. But man, the work involved was killer.

We moved over the holidays 2 years ago, so could not host. So hoped that last year we'd get an invitation - but nothing. Not a one of them has ever offered to host. I haven't decided what to do this year, but am not quite dreading it. Yet.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 17/09/2019 18:17

Don’t spend money you don’t have, going away. You’ll only regret it if you need money after Christmas. What about ordering dinner from one of those food companies that prepare everything for you and deliver it. All you have to do is cook it. You won’t have to peel so much as a Brussel sprout. Then make sure you dress up nicely and put a lovely photo on Facebook. 😉