Aiu to feel annoyed about Xmas plans

[XmasAnnoyances]

The last 3 years it has fallen to me to host Xmas. So mum, dad, bro and his partner and their teenage child all at mine from Xmas Eve til boxing day.

Last year I did it all with 4 children, 1 a newborn. None of them bought anything, not even a cheap bottle of wine (although they got the kids lots of lovely presents!) Noone helped, I was cooking Xmas dinner while holding baby who would only be comforted by me. Baby was very unwell and after lunch I ended up taking her to a&e, she had a viral wheeze and after treatment we were discharged with inhaler and steroids. I returned to find all the washing up still piled high, mess everywhere, bro was pissed, DH was trying to help but looking after children. When we got back dad said "yay, she's back, we can have supper now!"

So this year I decided not to host and wait (hope) one of the others would do it.

My mum just called to say bro and his family are going to hers for xmas but that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone so we are invited to join them for a walk boxing day afternoon if we want.
I feel a bit peeved as we have no other family, DH is only child and his parents died before we had kids.

So aiu to feel irritated?I know hosting doesn't mean they have to return the invite but I feel a bit used. Also wibu to think sod it and start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

Have a lovely relaxing Christmas with your family wherever you choose!

My family are exactly like this - there are 18 of us when we all get together with children of various ages. I started inviting everyone round to mine for family birthday parties when I had my children (close in age) and found myself run ragged. They would just sit in their chairs, expecting tea, cold drinks etc and no-one (apart from my lovely SIL) would think to ask if I needed a hand or supervise my children whilst I was busy in the kitchen.

After a couple of years, I decided that I had a choice - continue inviting them and accept the way they were, or make it easier for myself. So when I do invite them now (much less frequently), I borrow an urn from work, lay out the easiest buffet I can manage and then plonk myself next to my children and tell everyone to help themselves. CF!

They probably are annoyed with you for not hosting this year as it means they have got to get off their arses and dip into their own wallets.

What an incredibly shitty family you have OP. I would feel hurt in your situation. Don't ever invite any of those freeloaders for Christmas again and enjoy Christmas with your DH and kids.

I think I would have to tell them as well how awful they'd been.

"My mum just called to say ... that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone ..."

"I actually think they are annoyed at me because I said I didn't feel up to hosting this year."

Honestly? I'd be giving mommy dearest both barrels for being so fucking RUDE. Annoyed? I'd be incandescent with her behaviour!

Go on holiday and fuck the lot of them.

Have a break away or a quiet one for you and your family.

Just break free,the only thing to do.and don't fret about what others will say.

Wow she has been so rude! I would ignore the walk on boxing day! 🙄 At least now you know better. Never invite them again for xmas. If you can afford to go away then do it. If not, you can have a lovely time on your own, have a quiet one. We used to invite family over xmas day for years. Not once was it reciprocated, nor did anyone help. One year I had a small child and a baby one xmas, I told everyone we were having a quiet one (just us). My bil kicked off as he couldn't possibly cook for him and his daughter?! He actually said that we ruined his xmas, and told his daughter, christmas was cancelled! 🙄 Never again! People seem to use me and get angry when I stop.

WOW Op, they sound very selfish! They are lucky I am not their DD because I would tell them straight 😂

What did you say when your mum invited you over for a Boxing Day walk? How could you not speak up?

I wouldn't go anywhere, but I would splash out on the lushest food I could find and order the full works (special treats for breakfast, snacks, starters, Xmas meal, pudding) so no cooking. Unless you like to cook (I do), then I'd get the very best to cook, like a prime rib, fancy veggies, bake a lush pudding, etc. And we'd eat it all round the table in our pyjamas. I might even be tempted to use disposable plates & cutlery.

I'd probably need a good long walk on Boxing Day. But it wouldn't be with your parents, that's for sure!

This is your chance to start having lovely Christmas traditions with just your own family. No more cooking for ten or more, no more drunken relatives, just looking after yourselves and children.
Do you say you have four children? What a fantastic time you will all have, and you will save money too.

Tell Mother you will be too busy to see them.

Time to start your own Xmas traditions.

Time for you to call it a day op, and tell them why. You hosted for 3 years and the next year they are hosting for your bro!!! That would be it for me. Christmas as your own small family at home, or go away. I wouldnt be going for the walk on boxing day either .

They waited for you to get back from hospital with your ill child so that you could make them supper?

Normal people would have 1. cooked while you looked after your baby, 2. cleared up while you were at A&E and 3. sat you down on your return and handed you a plate of food and then 4. tidied up before fucking off home.

I'm not sure I'd go away, I'd stay at home - without them, obviously - and have an absolutely cracking christmas.

I would enjoy having Christmas in my own home, with my own children and no one else. And I wouldn't be visiting DM's on Boxing Day! I think going away at Christmas is lovely for adults, but probably not something I would want to do with young children as I think they enjoy Christmas more if they are in their own homes.

I suspect the reason that your DM doesn't want to host is that you have four young children. However well behaved they are, they will no doubt be very excitable - understandably! - and loud. DM probably feels she can't cope with it.

Definitely, and make it a new tradition. Sounds like they don't appreciate it when you host anyway so don't.

I've said this before on here but people are more harsh when someone generous finally draws a line, than they ever are with the lazy fuckers that do nothing for years. Say you'll pass on the walk and you'll do your own thing this year. Never host again.

Just think of the money you'll save, with five fewer people to feed! There might be a few things you've been doing because your parents insist on it too, like sprouts because your mum insists, but none of your family eats them. Or whatever, you get to decide exactly what suits your family and do that and nothing else.

When I got rid of the Christmas Cf relative, we realised that we don't much like either turkey or massive formal meals, so we changed everything. For he first few years, we let the kids vote on what would be for Christmas dinner, but now it's always steak pie (because they always voted for that). MrCarpet and I still eat our own weight in sprouts, but nobody else has to, because Christmas is a celebration and nobody celebrates anything by eating foods they hate. Our Christmases are much more relaxed that the ones I remember as a child, and are very informal, but full of love and joy and I'm never going back to turkey!

She’ll be wanting them all to come to yours for Christmas 2020, I bet. Make sure you say no, and invite them on a Boxing Day walk.

Dear family
After shopping, cooking, cleaning, and hosting over the Christmas period for many years I was very disappointed to just be invited for a walk this year. As last Christmas was horrendous as c was so ill, we were looking forward to new memories with others hosting us.
As this isn't to be, we'll be making other Christmas memories.

I really hate it when posters do this, so apologies in advance, but I have to ask, why the hell did you agree to host when you were pregnant and were going to have a new born at Christmas?

YANBU by the way - book it!

You’d think 5 adults would manage to wash up wouldnt you?

I’d stay home and start your own tradition and save the money spent on food and drink for 5/6 additional people!

Get the holiday booked OP.
I've never understood all this hosting crap.
I've never gone to anyone at Xmas, despite being asked and I've never invited anyone to mine.
Reading some of the Xmas threads on here I'm glad.

I'd thank my lucky stars and plan a lovely Christmas Day at home!

Have a lovely breakfast that can be prepped the day before, 'starter' around lunch-time, main course around 5-ish (cheat or prep ahead as much as possible) and cheese and wine once your DC are in bed. Eating later frees up the morning to enjoy time together opening presents etc.

Mini update, bro just called me for something totally unrelated. At the end I said that mum had called me about Xmas. Bro had assumed we were all going too and was really disappointed we weren't/hadn't been invited. He then asked if we going to [incredibly posh restaurant] for lunch with them all boxing day. I said I knew nothing about it. Apparently a reservation has been made by my parents and then they are hoping to go for a walk in the nearby seaside town after. I said we were invited for the walk but not dinner, but that none of it mattered as we had other plans. Bro said he still wanted to see us and when can they stay! I said I wasn't sure of plans... But obviously none of this has come from bro or his family as he was totally oblivious (he is to most things!). So it's mum and dad who are not wanting to be with us, which hurts, but will talk to DH tonight and see what plans we can make as a family.

Btw I would have coped with hosting with newborn (they sleep loads 😂) if she hadn't been unwell. I didn't mind doing it but their attitudes while they were here stunk. I stupidly assumed we would all muck in and they would be considerate that I had had a baby 5 weeks prior. But hey ho!