Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aiu to feel annoyed about Xmas plans

223 replies

XmasAnnoyances · 17/09/2019 16:58

The last 3 years it has fallen to me to host Xmas. So mum, dad, bro and his partner and their teenage child all at mine from Xmas Eve til boxing day.

Last year I did it all with 4 children, 1 a newborn. None of them bought anything, not even a cheap bottle of wine (although they got the kids lots of lovely presents!) Noone helped, I was cooking Xmas dinner while holding baby who would only be comforted by me. Baby was very unwell and after lunch I ended up taking her to a&e, she had a viral wheeze and after treatment we were discharged with inhaler and steroids. I returned to find all the washing up still piled high, mess everywhere, bro was pissed, DH was trying to help but looking after children. When we got back dad said "yay, she's back, we can have supper now!"

So this year I decided not to host and wait (hope) one of the others would do it.

My mum just called to say bro and his family are going to hers for xmas but that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone so we are invited to join them for a walk boxing day afternoon if we want.
I feel a bit peeved as we have no other family, DH is only child and his parents died before we had kids.

So aiu to feel irritated?I know hosting doesn't mean they have to return the invite but I feel a bit used. Also wibu to think sod it and start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

OP posts:
JasBBGG · 17/09/2019 23:17

Definitely go away if you can! Never host again. If you're home this year M&S it all the way! And if you can't get abroad I highly recommend Alton Towers between Xmas and new year it's great for the kids.

Notajogger · 17/09/2019 23:27

They sound like absolute cockwombles.

As for the boxing day meal update, I'd be upset about this too. Also - surely your brother can host xmas then there's no issue? (Presuming he has a bigger house than your parents if he has kids). Him being infantilised is no excuse. He must know how to turn an oven on, or your mum could cook at his house as she was offering to cook at hers.

Also as a pp said - it doesn't really matter if people are squished in/sitting on a cushion on the floor to eat - the point is being together.

ChicCroissant · 17/09/2019 23:28

I think you should have been clearer OP, and said that you wanted someone else to host everyone this year - you've done it for the last three years, what happened before that?

I think YAB a bit U to expect them to mind read. Last year sounded awful so I don't blame you for not wanting to do it again, but you should have been clearer about what you did want.

Pumpkintopf · 17/09/2019 23:34

I can't believe the way your parents are behaving to be honest, I'm shocked they would treat you so badly.

MargotLovedTom1 · 17/09/2019 23:39

Your parents are obviously keeping schtum about the restaurant as it's not likely to be the sort of place you'd take four young children, esp including a one year old. However they've been shitty how they've gone about it.

EL8888 · 17/09/2019 23:40

Total CF. I would book a holiday or a posh lunch out. I feel your pain as the last Christmas dinner l cooked for the wider family, then l had to everything. Even the washing up if I hadn’t dug my heels in -my then husband did it with bad grace. I then had a 12.5 hour shift the next day, while everyone else lay around the house

EL8888 · 17/09/2019 23:42

Wow just seen your update. They have got even more rude and thoughtless 😢

FrenchBoule · 17/09/2019 23:42

So mum wants to go for a walk with you after she’s had lunch with her Golden Child and little bro asking when he can come and be waited on...
Stuff them OP, just tell them you’re not hosting anymore!

scubadive · 18/09/2019 00:01

Why not have Xmas at home with your children and enjoy not having to cater for others.

You can prep the night before, even buy ready made roasts, prepped vegetables if you want make it easier. It’ll be cheaper than going away, M&S can make it very easy, then spend as much time as possible playing with your children. Get something really easy for supper, cooked mini sausages and nibbles,you won’t need much after Xmas dinner and you’ll have a great time.

Next year, if your parents ask explain that you can only host if others wash up and make supper.

kateandme · 18/09/2019 00:13

aww yes this is really bloody thoughtless.and another son "golden boy" post.been there,seen it,done it,got pissed(jeealous kind of) rage with it.
see it as a way out.a blessing.this is your year.dont let them wreck it by letting there thoughtlessness fester in your to keep hurting.this wont make them change and will only continue to hurt you.
have the best christmas doing waht you want to do.

Beautiful3 · 18/09/2019 06:41

Just seen your update op. Wow how rude. What's wrong with your mum? Let them have their xmas without you. I'm sure you ll be missed.

maddening · 18/09/2019 06:56

Make your holiday lapland also, the ultimate Xmas holiday!

Actionhasmagic · 18/09/2019 06:59

That’s so weird Christmas is about being together and your own mum has excluded you!!!

Biggles398 · 18/09/2019 06:59

Have the Christmas you and your OH want, go away or stay at home and do exactly as you want. Turn it round and while I'd be upset that after the last 3 years, you're not invited, enjoy spending the time as you want, NOT looking after your ungrateful family!!

Newmumma83 · 18/09/2019 07:06

It’s not cheap
But £3335 will get you one week flying Christmas Eve in Spain all inclusive ... just a thought no cooking get playing to lotto my friend!

Yanbu ... enjoy this year ... even if you just go out for Christmas dinner or go crazy have Christmas dinner Christmas Eve and then gifts and Boxing Day dinner Christmas Day!! So you can enjoy the gifts and fun with the kids more x x

FabLaura · 18/09/2019 07:09

Oooh yes if you can afford it and the kids would be happy, go away. Gambia is supposed to be good at Christmas

Ponoka7 · 18/09/2019 07:15

Decide exactly how you want your Christmas to be. What you said you wanted doesn't tally with going away, or having to go to a posh restaurant with multiple children, including a one year old.

It sounds as though your Mum invited you to the bit that the children would enjoy. How many have you got? Does your Mum have the space, anyway?

A boxing day walk sounds lovely.

Clear the air about the non invite to the restaurant. Then be grateful the obligation has ended and that you can do whatever you want.

SallyWD · 18/09/2019 07:18

If you ever host again don't do everything! I've hosted a few times and I give people tasks. My parents were responsible for the turkey. I'm a vegetarian and have never cooked turkey whereas they've done it about 50 times! I got my brothers preparing the veg and my sister in law peeled the potatoes. My DH was responsible for amusing 5 kids. No one minded helping out at all. You just need to tell them.

ZenNudist · 18/09/2019 07:19

Im with everyone else not hosting your parents again and getting your dbro to man up and srart contributing.

Ponoka7 · 18/09/2019 07:19

maddening
"Make your holiday lapland". It's too cold for children under seven. Unless they're Scottish and used to it Grin

Tiredtessy · 18/09/2019 07:27

I would tell them exactly why I wasny hosting, why can they get away with this?
Def go away or have your own family xmas at home.

eddielizzard · 18/09/2019 07:29

Well sounds to me like your mum wants a more grown up, fancy meal out at a restaurant and you and your 4 kids don't fit into that picture. She could of course book that any time, not on Boxing Day so you could still be included. She sounds quite selfish to me. Is she?

Either way I'd be having a conversation something along the lines of reminding her what it was like for you last year. How you hosted with a very ill newborn. How you came back from hospital and everyone was just sitting on their arses. How you were looking forward to a stress free Christmas this year. What is she doing? Oh you heard she's taking DB to fancy restaurant. Etc. and draw it out. Make her tell you that she's not including you.

Christmas is about family, not about having your ideal way and fuck those who'll be hurt and who have previously bust a gut to host you.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 18/09/2019 07:31

Don't invite them to yours for Christmas ever again.

GreenTulips · 18/09/2019 07:40

You just need to tell them

It what world do you decend on a new mother with 3 other kids at Christmas and need telling to help? Or bring a dish? Washup or help tidy or entertain the kids??

Sunshinegirl82 · 18/09/2019 07:46

Well they all sound like dicks. I would remember this and I would never host them
for Christmas again. If they asked why I would tell them personally but if you don't want to make a big deal out of it you can just say it was too much the last time and you'll reconsider when the kids have left home!

I would stay at home and get Cook to deliver the entire Christmas meal. I'd get M&S stuff for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I'd buy fancy paper plates and cups so there was no washing up and spend as much time sat down with a drink in my hand or playing with the kids as possible. I'd get nice Christmas pj's or comfy Christmas leggings and jumpers and stay comfy and cosy all day. Make that your new Christmas tradition!