Aiu to feel annoyed about Xmas plans

[XmasAnnoyances]

The last 3 years it has fallen to me to host Xmas. So mum, dad, bro and his partner and their teenage child all at mine from Xmas Eve til boxing day.

Last year I did it all with 4 children, 1 a newborn. None of them bought anything, not even a cheap bottle of wine (although they got the kids lots of lovely presents!) Noone helped, I was cooking Xmas dinner while holding baby who would only be comforted by me. Baby was very unwell and after lunch I ended up taking her to a&e, she had a viral wheeze and after treatment we were discharged with inhaler and steroids. I returned to find all the washing up still piled high, mess everywhere, bro was pissed, DH was trying to help but looking after children. When we got back dad said "yay, she's back, we can have supper now!"

So this year I decided not to host and wait (hope) one of the others would do it.

My mum just called to say bro and his family are going to hers for xmas but that she can't cook for/accommodate everyone so we are invited to join them for a walk boxing day afternoon if we want.
I feel a bit peeved as we have no other family, DH is only child and his parents died before we had kids.

So aiu to feel irritated?I know hosting doesn't mean they have to return the invite but I feel a bit used. Also wibu to think sod it and start looking for holiday deals and sod the lot and go away?

Oh no question- find somewhere lovely for you all and clear off!

god help his girlfriend if she sticks with him!

Oops just see they have a teenage child. Is his partner as bad as him or does she also enjoy mothering him along with their teen?

Fuck the lot of them. Stay home and do what you want to do. Much easier.

Jump for frigging joy... you are herewith released from xmas obligations!! Imagine the look on your brother’s face when he realises what a marvellous holiday you are having with the family you chose and made. Haha sucker! You don’t ski, do you? Xmas skiing is worth saving hard for.

Girlfriend isn't the teens mum, she cheated on him and left a few years ago. Teen child hates his mum for it and refuses to see her so he lives with bro and his girlfriend, who he got with within a couple of weeks of her leaving.

Funds are limited so will probably be in UK, but will be nice to be somewhere different.

There must be a reason

Do they not lkke your dh or are your kids too lively for them ?

Fuck the lot of them! Time to start your own traditions on the holiday. Fuck 'a walk' on Boxing Day. Book a holiday, go away just the 6 of you and stuff them.

YA Definitely NBU! The holiday idea sounds great. Hope you find a good deal.

Kids are well behaved, but there are alot of them and obviously as the only young kids they do get attention and the whole father Xmas thing... I wonder if they wanted a more grown up Xmas? I actually think they are annoyed at me because I said I didn't feel up to hosting this year.

I would be hurt but at the same time relieved!! This is your chance to do exactly what you want to do for Christmas, make the most of it!!

A Christmas get away sounds wonderful! A lovely relaxing few days, you hubby and the kids. No extra grief.

Jesus! They are a shower of ungrateful bastards! Definitely go away somewhere, and tell them why.

YANBU Op.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas this year (....imagines cosy countryside cottage with roaring fire like in The Holiday film).
Enjoy

Stop thinking about them and what they're feeling and all that shit. They don't give a fuck about it all except where they can scrounge and be lazy. Get a backbone. They're ungrateful bastards you hosted for far too long. Just make plans and leave it at that. If they ask, you tell them, but I reckon they won't even be arsed to find out of you're coming for some poxy walk.

Book yourselves a nice cottage in the countryside with a log burner, get some new family films and board games in, and spend a week walking with your DH and kids - it sounds like you've had a rough year with your youngest being ill, so sod the rest of them and spend your time/energy on your immediate family!

Oh my, this could've been my post! I ran around for 10 years organising dinners and parties for my DH's large family and then discovered MIL would have the other siblings round in smaller groups for Sunday lunches but has never invited us. I simply stopped offering to do the big get together and Xmas dinners and actually there has been no dramas about it that I'm aware of. I'd done all this organising because I thought that was what they wanted but turns out they didn't really care that much!

Have your own family Christmas at home with no pressure.

I'd be hurt but use this as your chance to break the cycle.

Go away this year if you want and then next year just have your own family Christmas, dh and kids. If anyone says anything then you can say the truth, you did everything for everyone, baby was sick and no one stepped up to help. You feel unappreciated, no one so much as bought a bottle of wine, foodcetc and no one cleaned up. It's time things changed....

Bro is younger and infantilised

He is old enough for a partner and a teenage child. No excuses for his behaviour.

Book a holiday if that is what you will all enjoy. Might still be possible to get a cottage somewhere nice and do Christmas there with noone to please but yourselves.

It’s not nice as you hosted for 3 years. However try thinking about this as a positive thing as you can make your own traditions with your dh and kids. Take your holiday away, enjoy your family time, relax knowing you can’t make as much or little effort as you want for Christmas. If you want to have a takeaway have one, if you want to stay in your pjs all day if you want but enjoy not hosting.

I was raging for you when I read you had returned from A & E with a sick baby and none of the lazy sods had done the washing up. 😡

If I were you I would stay at home and have a wonderful family Christmas by yourselves. The kids will love it and going away will cost an arm and a leg plus it may well not live up to expectations.

If you really want a break you could consider booking for Christmas lunch out but I honestly think the cheapest option would work the best.
You could buy a dishwasher for what it would cost to go away or have Christmas lunch out for 5/6 of you. 😸

Stop focussing on them. Focus on you and your family. Have a family talk and throw ideas for what to do into the mix. Do something that you'd all love and start a new tradition - Christmas on your terms.

Most likely they thought that DBro could not possibly manage on his own, so had to come, but then there was no room for OP and her family, so they had to be left out. Rude and ungrateful.
Never mind OP, this year they will realise how flat their Christmas is with no under 10s there (and knowing they are being jolly elsewhere) AND your DMum will have to do all the work.
Meanwhile OP will have the best, most wonderful Christmas day in her PJs if she wishes, where all timings are relaxed and pressures are off.
This will be your best one yet! You will probably want to keep it this way, your parents won't, that's for sure!

You have the chance to break the cycle - go for it! I have hosted Christmas for 18 years in a row. I have my DM, FIL and DB and partner every year. They all hate Christmas - not one of them ever reciprocates. It has become a chore. Oh I wish I was you!!