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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband complaining I never wear clothes he likes

213 replies

Needdistracting · 28/08/2019 08:08

Hi all, this is my first post, although been lurking for a few years now.

Feeling quite upset this morning and trying to work out if iabu or not. I always carefully pick out what I want to wear in the morning, to try and hide my tummy, and compliment my curves (am a 14/16 and not happy with my current size), I wear a variety of clothes that I picked out with my husband this summer and he said he really liked at the time. I also have a few items that he bought me as presents this year that I wear too. Problem is no matter what I wear he keeps suggesting i wear something else, for example, haven't been wearing heels this summer (we are a very active family so I find it easier to wear the boots or trainers he bought me instead) so he is complaining I never wear heels. This morning he suggested I wear a dress I haven't wore for about 2 weeks, but this is a short dress and it's raining so I said no, now he is saying I never wear the things he likes and he is a bit annoyed about it?

Aibu in wearing what I want to wear in the morning as long as I am making an effort to look nice, or is he bu to get frustrated that I dont wear these specific things when he wants me to?? I really dont know what to think any more!! I know this seems petty but these digs from him come up quite often, say if I started wearing the heels and dress more now he would move back on to wanting me to wear my hippy trousers and boots iyswim, so I would like to work out what to do about it once and for all!

OP posts:
bigchris · 28/08/2019 08:11

Fucking hell

  1. Why is he with you when you buy clothes
  1. Why does he get to choose what clothes you buy
  1. Do you have money of your own
  1. Why is he commenting

Christ SadFlowers

Cheeserton · 28/08/2019 08:11

He's an idiot. Wear what you want and whatever makes you comfortable.

Newearringsplease · 28/08/2019 08:11

You're not a doll he can dress up, what strange behaviour

BadnessInTheFolds · 28/08/2019 08:11

He is a twat and had no business being annoyed that you don't wear clothes he likes.

Does he check his wardrobe choices with you?

What to do once and for all: Tell him to fuck off!

Fannybaws52 · 28/08/2019 08:11

Is he so controlling in other areas of the relationship as well?

Big red flag waving in your face, OP.

DocusDiplo · 28/08/2019 08:13

He sounds ... weird.

orangeshoebox · 28/08/2019 08:13

wear what you like and what's practical.

DonnaDarko · 28/08/2019 08:16

He sounds very controlling. I can't imagine DP being so invested in everything I wear.

FilledSoda · 28/08/2019 08:16

This is so creepy.
You're a grown up , wear what you like .

LolaSmiles · 28/08/2019 08:16

There's a fine line between a nice and friendly suggestion (e.g. you've not had that lovely dress on for a while, I think you look really good in it) and being weird.

He is being weird

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 28/08/2019 08:16

Here is how it works:

  1. You go shopping and buy clothes that you like
  2. You have the same amount of money to spend on yourself as he does
  3. You wear the clothes that you want to wear
  4. You dont have to make any effort to look nice if you don’t feel like it
  5. When you do make the effort (and sometimes when you don’t) he looks at you and tells you how gorgeous you are
  6. He does the same with his clothes
maras2 · 28/08/2019 08:16

Buy him a Barbie.
I've never heard such nonsense. FFS.

augustagain · 28/08/2019 08:17

these digs from him come up quite often, say if I started wearing the heels and dress more now he would move back on to wanting me to wear my hippy trousers and boots iyswim, so I would like to work out what to do about it once and for all

Now, THIS is interesting.

At first, I thought your post would be about a DH wanting his wife to look more glammed-up. That in itself would be an issue as no-one should tell you what to wear when you are an adult.

However, the problem looks to be much more sinister than that. No matter what you do, he has you in the wrong There's no pleasing him. He wants to make you constantly feel bad about yourself and it's working as you are now stressed about it all and have started this thread.

First of all, stop standing on your head trying to please this man. There is obviously no pleasing him, so you may as well please yourself Smile

Next think up a few snappy comebacks to put him in his place:

*If I was meant to be controlled I’d come with a remote.
*Everyone has a right to an opinion, and I have a right not to listen to it.
*Go find someone else to control because you are not controlling me.
*The suggestion box is over there (and point to the bin!)

If he doesn't settle down after that, some serious discussion about him respecting your boundaries needs to take place.

Kiwiinkits · 28/08/2019 08:17

[wondering if Bruce was like this with Kris before he became Caitlyn]
Not helpful Grin

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 28/08/2019 08:17

Tell him to buy a bloody Barbie if he wants to dress someone up. Outrageous.

MumW · 28/08/2019 08:17

Start moaning about his shirt/t-shirt/tie/socks everyday.

Katisha · 28/08/2019 08:17

If you've been lurking on MN for any length of time you'll know this will be a unanimous appalled response. Why on earth is he dressing you?

AnyFucker · 28/08/2019 08:17

Stepford is lovely this time of year, I believe

AnotherEmma · 28/08/2019 08:18

Very controlling. He's intentionally undermining your confidence.

How many things from this list does he do?
liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse

Itstheprinciple · 28/08/2019 08:19

Its summer. I haven't worn heels for months! Practical skechers, birkenstocks and maybe the odd gold wedge sandal if I'm going out but heels, no.

He should not be having any input into your clothing choices unless you ask him for his opinion. You are not dressing for him, you are dressing for you and, presumably, what is practical for that day's weather and activities and I suggest you remind him of that. Wear what you feel comfortable in and take no notice.

SoyDora · 28/08/2019 08:19

Bloody hell. How weird. Wear what you want, when you want. Why is he choosing clothes with you? Does he insist on coming shopping with you?

Macandcheeseplease · 28/08/2019 08:19

This is not a normal way to behave. Is he controlling in other areas?

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2019 08:20

It is still 2019, right?

FiveLittlePigs · 28/08/2019 08:21

Does he also tell women to "smile"?

Hmm
Teaandcrisps · 28/08/2019 08:21

Can you buy clothes that you like, without your OH?

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