Husband complaining I never wear clothes he likes

[Needdistracting]

Hi all, this is my first post, although been lurking for a few years now.

Feeling quite upset this morning and trying to work out if iabu or not. I always carefully pick out what I want to wear in the morning, to try and hide my tummy, and compliment my curves (am a 14/16 and not happy with my current size), I wear a variety of clothes that I picked out with my husband this summer and he said he really liked at the time. I also have a few items that he bought me as presents this year that I wear too. Problem is no matter what I wear he keeps suggesting i wear something else, for example, haven't been wearing heels this summer (we are a very active family so I find it easier to wear the boots or trainers he bought me instead) so he is complaining I never wear heels. This morning he suggested I wear a dress I haven't wore for about 2 weeks, but this is a short dress and it's raining so I said no, now he is saying I never wear the things he likes and he is a bit annoyed about it?

Aibu in wearing what I want to wear in the morning as long as I am making an effort to look nice, or is he bu to get frustrated that I dont wear these specific things when he wants me to?? I really dont know what to think any more!! I know this seems petty but these digs from him come up quite often, say if I started wearing the heels and dress more now he would move back on to wanting me to wear my hippy trousers and boots iyswim, so I would like to work out what to do about it once and for all!

Sorry, didn't RTFT!

Well done. The more you do that, the less he'll do what he's been doing.

My sister sent me this link this morning and I have debated posting.
This is exactly what I’m going through...just a little worse and I’m lost in what to do.
After a holiday back in October my husband asked me to loose some weight as I had put a bit on. I obliged (without the knowledge he had taken a photo of me incase I protested). Come January he came to me with issues making him unhappy. My appearance (what I wore and still my weight even though I’d lost 5 kilos), our sex life (it was good but I’m a traditional girl and don’t do oral and ‘weird’ positions which he wants) and the tension with my family (he has never got well with them). I sought counselling as I thought it was me with the problems. I’m emotionless as I don’t shower him with kisses and hugs and give him what he desires and deserves. I worked hard and was looking fab...six pack getting there. Wearing the pretty clothes he likes and bedroom life was great (still no oral though). My family is like banging my head against a wall. They are them. I can’t change them and I can’t make them love him! He thinks they should worship the ground he walks on as I’ve had a wonderful life.
Over then following three months he became nasty. Spiteful comments almost daily about what I eating, wearing what exercise I did. Digs at my family about what they say and how they look...they aren’t super models!
Things really changed one day when he told me that our children (girl, 13 and boy 9) thought I was fat. I was horrified, I’m 5ft2 and 55kg. Not fat! His constant comments about my appearance have resulted in our children being brainwashed. He then told me that if he didn’t get what he wanted in bedroom it could be a deal breaker. He has done other things and said other things that I can’t bring myself to type. However he has wanted to take me away, go out on dates ect and asked continuously over the past year. Our children have had things going on and I’ve said no. I want to here for them. He wants an au pair so we can do what we want when we want. I’ve said no.
He has always been romantic, always told me I’m beautiful and made me feel truly loved. I assumed he respected the way I am in bedroom as even though he has complained endlessly when things haven’t changed he’s never been nasty. Until now.
This has now pushed me to a point I didn’t know I had. I went back to the counsellor and found started to find a voice. Realise this isn’t acceptable. This result is that he is now having to decide if he wants me still because I’ve said no more. Take me as I am or not. It’s all be twisted again so I’m the one believing this messed up situation is my fault.

I sympathise so much with you. I have no idea what to do. We shouldn’t have to accept this behaviour, ever.
But for me do I just do what he wants to keep our family together or say no. I can’t live wondering every day if I’m keeping him happy. I don’t want my daughter to think this is how men treat women. Nor do I want my son to think this is how to treat women.
I hope it works out for you
From a very confused mum.

DH will occasionally suggest clothing to me eg “you might want to wear a jacket today, it’s going to rain” or “nah, wouldn’t wear that, it’s a bit tight” or “it’s maybe a bit dressy for xx place” but other than that he doesn’t really have an opinion (other than wishing I would take less time to get dressed)

He sounds controlling. Wear what you feel comfortable in

My DP is a bit like this. There are certain clothes he likes me to wear and others he definitely does not. He says I should be pleased he takes an interest. It's annoying sometimes as he always looks me up and down to see what I am wearing and it's obvious when he doesn't like it.

@OEJ1979 You really need to start your own thread, I suggest you post in relationships

Thank you @anotheremma
I have done so

👍💐

@OEJ1979 sounds like you are getting there. Hope your lovely, supportive post (but also sad, you should not have to go through this and nor should anyone) helps the OP. Very brave and kind of you to post.

There is no way in hell that any person on this earth can tell me to wear heels. My response would be "you wear heels."

"Aibu in wearing what I want to wear in the morning"

Of course not!!??? Wear what you want. You're not his toddler for him to dress.

Hows it going op?

Good update OP. One step at a time.

I haven't asked my husband what to wear in 44 years! I might ask his opinion, but that's it.

@OEJ1979 why are you still with him? He's abusing you and teaching your kids to do the same. Nothing you do will please him because the problem is him and how he feels about himself and his want to control.

He sounds a right queef. Kick him out and take your sexy new abs out on the hunt for someone who will love and adore you.