Husband complaining I never wear clothes he likes

[Needdistracting]

Hi all, this is my first post, although been lurking for a few years now.

Feeling quite upset this morning and trying to work out if iabu or not. I always carefully pick out what I want to wear in the morning, to try and hide my tummy, and compliment my curves (am a 14/16 and not happy with my current size), I wear a variety of clothes that I picked out with my husband this summer and he said he really liked at the time. I also have a few items that he bought me as presents this year that I wear too. Problem is no matter what I wear he keeps suggesting i wear something else, for example, haven't been wearing heels this summer (we are a very active family so I find it easier to wear the boots or trainers he bought me instead) so he is complaining I never wear heels. This morning he suggested I wear a dress I haven't wore for about 2 weeks, but this is a short dress and it's raining so I said no, now he is saying I never wear the things he likes and he is a bit annoyed about it?

Aibu in wearing what I want to wear in the morning as long as I am making an effort to look nice, or is he bu to get frustrated that I dont wear these specific things when he wants me to?? I really dont know what to think any more!! I know this seems petty but these digs from him come up quite often, say if I started wearing the heels and dress more now he would move back on to wanting me to wear my hippy trousers and boots iyswim, so I would like to work out what to do about it once and for all!

This does have to stop, I just dont know how to stop it,
OP, I would honestly just say, “Fuck off telling me what to wear” and repeat. And the PP’s one which was “if I want your opinion I’ll ask for it”
Good luck. Give it back to him a bit when you think he might be trying to undermine you. Let him know that things have changed.

Who on earth are these wombats who think YABU?

Hebu

My husband pays minimal attention to what I buy, just the odd “oh, that’s nice. Is it new?”

He passes the odd comment as above but very rarely says anything negative. He might, if I put something truly awful on, say it was “an unusual choice” or something like that.

I make an effort, sometimes, for me. I don’t do it for my husbands benefit.

He sounds controlling and gaslighting.

YADNBU
although I would tell my DP not to wear sandals and socks because he looks a twat

I know not of one single woman who has their clothes chosen for them by their other half. I'm at a loss here, sorry.

Run far, far, away OP.

Picking clothes together is already way way more than most people do. So he likes your clothes, and you wear things he likes, but he is still complaining that you dint wear what particular outfit he wants on that particular day? I'm so sorry OP that is so awful. Especially when it's so impractical eg wearing heels when you're running around so he just expects you to he uncomfortable for his pleasure

My husband hates leggings. I wear them anyway. He never mentions it unless I ask him a direct question about how I look

I take it you dont get to choose his clothes and how he does his hair etc daily, because it's only women that are supposed to look nice for their husbands!?

I hope you can start to make plans to leave. I know this seems like an extreme reaction at the moment and youd rather stay and work on changing his behaviour but someone with this extreme level of control is unlikely to change. Any discussions about it will always get turned on you and become your fault

Controlling your hair and clothing is very serious- and he will probably get much worse.

Heels and short skirts? sounds a bit pervy.

Why do you let him have a say in your clothes? Fair enough to choose curtains together or bed spreads but what you wear is up to you.

OP, you ask I would like to work out what to do about it once and for all!

You are your own person.
You are in control of what you wear, do, not anybody else.
You are able to deal with this and put a stop to it, once and for all, as we have all shown you that YANBU.
Good luck OP, take the collective strength of the thread and all your well wishers to give you the confidence and the boost to lead your life as YOU want to x

Poor you OP, not OK but you know that.

He is abusive and trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

Best of luck trying to get it to stop. He's controlling in other ways, you say. He's a controlling negging person is why. You'll never please him, and you already know what, hence, you wrote that now you're wearing the heels he'll complain you're not wearing boots. This is the lead he keeps you on. Cannot imagine making a day going clothes shopping with my H, sorry, he'd rather boil his own head than shop.

OP I'd strongly suggest asking MNHQ to move this thread to the Relationships board. There is heaps of advice and support on there for surviving abusive relationships - and from the brief info you've given, you're in one.

To ask for the thread to be moved, go to your original post and click "Report" and just say can it be moved to Relationships.

He's a bell end

The only times my DH comments on my clothes are when 1) I look nice 2) when I am unsure about a new piece of clothing i like and he encourages me to wear it 3) He sometimes jokes that I am wearing too many clothes 4) he complains about some strappy tops when he is hanging them up

I have things in my wardrobe my DP hates - that Zara spotty dress, which he calls “my nightie”, and a jumpsuit which spark Kevin Webster jokes spring to mind - but he would NEVER ask, never mind tell, me not to wear them. If he did, I would tell him to piss off. The end. This is not right, OP.

I'm glad you see now that his behaviour is wrong and controlling.

Bet you don't see him running about in heels, hobbling himself and destroying his feet, ankles and knees. And accepting your instructions on how to dress and keep his hair.

Twat.

Good luck, OP. Shut him down.

Tell him to fuck himself!! If he likes dresses and heels so much he can fucking wear them! This is not OK OP and it needs to be nipped in the bud immediately!!

Jeeze, I was with someone like this (note 'was').. always moaning because I didn't dress the way he wanted/didn't wear make-up etc.

You wear what you want, when you want full-stop, you are dressing for you not him.

Basic controlling behaviour and we are not in the Victorian era, sorry to say it but if he doesn't change his attitude and he doesn't have many other great attributes I would be saying farewell.

He helps chose your clothes for you? What are you 5?
Tell him to wear the fucking dress and heels, and you will wear what befits the weather and what you are comfortable in

Sounds like the clothes are the tip of the iceberg here. I would leave him OP, this doesn't sound like it's going to get any better. People like that don't change.

I have nothing to add, but I think it’s useful to include my “YANBU” in the count - as it’s really important for you to know that YOU ARE RIGHT. This is not normal.

Wear what makes YOU comfortable and happy, @Needdistracting, and your dh can wind his neck in.

I clicked YABU - for asking what to do about it. The answer is obvious.

What you do is tell him to mind his own business. He's an adult, he dresses himself. You're an adult, you dress yourself. You're not a dress up doll, or a sex doll. You wear what ever you feel comfortable/good in. Stop taking him clothes shopping with you. You don't need his approval.