Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband complaining I never wear clothes he likes

213 replies

Needdistracting · 28/08/2019 08:08

Hi all, this is my first post, although been lurking for a few years now.

Feeling quite upset this morning and trying to work out if iabu or not. I always carefully pick out what I want to wear in the morning, to try and hide my tummy, and compliment my curves (am a 14/16 and not happy with my current size), I wear a variety of clothes that I picked out with my husband this summer and he said he really liked at the time. I also have a few items that he bought me as presents this year that I wear too. Problem is no matter what I wear he keeps suggesting i wear something else, for example, haven't been wearing heels this summer (we are a very active family so I find it easier to wear the boots or trainers he bought me instead) so he is complaining I never wear heels. This morning he suggested I wear a dress I haven't wore for about 2 weeks, but this is a short dress and it's raining so I said no, now he is saying I never wear the things he likes and he is a bit annoyed about it?

Aibu in wearing what I want to wear in the morning as long as I am making an effort to look nice, or is he bu to get frustrated that I dont wear these specific things when he wants me to?? I really dont know what to think any more!! I know this seems petty but these digs from him come up quite often, say if I started wearing the heels and dress more now he would move back on to wanting me to wear my hippy trousers and boots iyswim, so I would like to work out what to do about it once and for all!

OP posts:
AnnaFiveTowns · 28/08/2019 08:36

Tell him you'd like to see him in high heels more often...and hotpant shorts - even if it's a cold day. Seriously, don't put up with this shit.

BeaverPeron · 28/08/2019 08:37

oh he's such a cliche - he wants you to wear high heels and a short skirt! Does he also tell you he prefers long hair?

It's quite controlling OP - ignore him. I had a bf who wanted me to wear bandage dresses and slingbacks (really practical for the school run)!

ControversialFerret · 28/08/2019 08:38

Tell him to fuck off back to the 1950s.

You aren't a doll and it's bugger all to do with him what you wear on a daily basis.

feelingverylazytoday · 28/08/2019 08:39

So you buy clothes that he likes, and then he says he doesn't like them when you wear them?
He's attempting to manipulate you by keeping you on the backfoot, making you second guess yourself. I think some people call this gaslighting. You sound a bit insecure about your size and he's playing on that as well.
Obviously a lot of people do take an interest in their partner's clothes and appearance, and there's nothing wrong with that, but what he is doing is crossing the line into controlling behaviour.

AnotherEmma · 28/08/2019 08:40

He is most probably abusive so all the smart arse suggestions to tell him to fuck off etc are not exactly genius ideas.

Shoxfordian · 28/08/2019 08:41

Buy him a blowup doll and he can dress her up how he wants. What a knob

YouJustDoYou · 28/08/2019 08:42

And off he can fuck.

katseyes7 · 28/08/2019 08:43

l'd be inclined to tell him if he likes the bloody dress so much, he should wear it. End of.

sheshootssheimplores · 28/08/2019 08:44

My DP has zero input about the clothes I wear. Equally I have bought him a few shirts over the years and nodded vigorously over a few different jeans but otherwise that’s where my input stops. Your husband is controlling and I would be concerned.

Beautiful3 · 28/08/2019 08:46

He wanted you to wear a dress and heels when it's raining?! Next time he says that, say okay but only if you wear your vest and shorts with those blue flip flops. See what he says then!

lovelookslikethis · 28/08/2019 08:47

Op, he is undermining your confidence at every turn.
Forgetting the current clothes dilemma, you are certainly not in a healthy relationship anymore, far from it.

CheesecakeAddict · 28/08/2019 08:48

As someone who has fled a DV relationship, this behaviour is a giant red flag for abuse. In fact, it is one of the few things the police asked about. I think you need to take a good look at your relationship and see if he controls any other areas.

Otherwise, do not listen to him. Your sole purpose on this planet is not to be hit bit of eye candy. You are allowed rough days and you are allowed to wear whatever you want

bobstersmum · 28/08/2019 08:50

You don't even have to dress to look nice, unless it's for yourself, do not do anything or be anything for anyone else, he doesn't own you.

userabcname · 28/08/2019 08:50

This sounds really weird. Not once has DH made a suggestion about what I should or shouldn't wear! Do you tell him what to wear? Yanbu btw, wear what you want!

Freaking0ut · 28/08/2019 08:51

OP this behaviour is NOT ok and is a major red flag for Domestic Abuse (coercive control). Can I recommend and in fact urge you to download the BrightSky App which is designed specifically to help women to identify abusive behaviour in their relationships and to log and track it. It also has helpful information about where you can get help locally and nationally. Please do check it out. His behaviour is not ok and you are not being petty.

boredboredboredboredbored · 28/08/2019 08:51

I had a husband like this. I divorced him. Now I wear what I like and my partner of 2 years loves my clothes.

Branleuse · 28/08/2019 08:51

Tell him to jog on. Doesnt sound like you're living in joggers and unwashed hair. Youre making efforts to be presentable so hes got nothing to complain about.
Heels ffs. Youre not a doll

Idontwanttotalk · 28/08/2019 08:52

@JellyBabiesSaveLives

"Here is how it works:

1) You go shopping and buy clothes that you like
2) You have the same amount of money to spend on yourself as he does
3) You wear the clothes that you want to wear
4) You dont have to make any effort to look nice if you don’t feel like it
5) When you do make the effort (and sometimes when you don’t) he looks at you and tells you how gorgeous you are
6) He does the same with his clothes"
Sounds reasonable except number 5. I don't think he should be expected to tell her how gorgeous she is unless he's being truthful.

If I made an effort (or not) and I didn't look great I wouldn't want to be misled.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 28/08/2019 08:52

Tell him to fuck off and wear what you want to !

Thereblegeopart · 28/08/2019 08:52

OP, in the nicest way possible, your H is controlling you. The way you look, and financially, and I'm guessing he is in other ways too.

VerbenaGirl · 28/08/2019 08:53

This is not okay! Your body, your mind, your choice.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 28/08/2019 08:53

Do you have your own money to buy your own clothes, OP?

PollyTheDolly · 28/08/2019 08:55

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it"

Wear what you feel comfortable in.

CoraPirbright · 28/08/2019 09:02

Oh dear OP this must be awful to read. You post on here expecting helpful hints and advice and stories from people in the same situation and instead get a slew of people telling you that this is not healthy and that he is not a good man. It must be a horrible shock but please please do listen to everyone on here - its not just one or two posts, its everyone. Have a good look at your relationship - is he just controlling in this aspect or in others?

TSSDNCOP · 28/08/2019 09:03

Like most here, I’m trying and failing to come up with a single occasion my husband has asked/suggested/told me what to wear. If pushed, when I am torn for choice, he will give an opinion. If he thinks I look nice, he will say so but usually only in a “that colour really suits you” way. There are things I own that I’m sure if pushed he doesn’t especially like, but I’d be stunned if he actually said that as it’s my choice what I wear.

I wonder if you’ll come back to the thread to elaborate on your wider relationship, because this honestly comes over as the tip of a very weird iceberg.