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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

206 replies

Cosybythefire11 · 18/08/2019 14:04

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

OP posts:
SoyDora · 18/08/2019 14:05

Yes

JacquesHammer · 18/08/2019 14:05

Yes, I think the NRP should contribute to uniform in addition to maintenance paid.

Theyellowsquare · 18/08/2019 14:06

It depends on the level of maintenance.

SoyDora · 18/08/2019 14:06

Sorry posted too soon. YABU. Maintenance is for keeping a roof over their heads/keeping them fed etc. Unless they are paying significantly more than the required minimum of maintenance then I think they should contribute to uniform.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 18/08/2019 14:07

I doubt the maintenance covers the full costs of the child's upbringing, so I would expect the other parent to need to contribute extra as required.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2019 14:08

I doubt the maintenance covers the full costs of the child's upbringing

It’s not meant to.

Cheeserton · 18/08/2019 14:09

Totally depends what they're paying. You don't give us any information about what level of support is paid.

TheJoxter · 18/08/2019 14:09

They should

Sadly the NRP will usually argue that the tiny amount of maintenance they pay is supposed to cover their half of everything

not at all bitter

ConfCall · 18/08/2019 14:09

Depends. I don’t see why not, though.

NorthernSpirit · 18/08/2019 14:09

Legally - CM paid in theory covers everything and you are not obliged to pay anymore.

Of course if you want to contribute more that’s up-to you.

Both parents are responsible for the upkeep / costs. Not just the NRP.

Devaki · 18/08/2019 14:10

Yabu . School uniform is an extra expense.

BlewGoose · 18/08/2019 14:10

It really all depends on the personal circumstances and level of maintenance being paid. Legally the NRP doesn't need to contribute toward anything extra. If the maintenance isn't covering all the RP needs for the kids and the NRP is willing to contribute more I think it's emotionally easier to just agree an extra sum per year/month that gets transferred over rather than having to negotiate each expense.

larrygrylls · 18/08/2019 14:10

Maintenance is to compensate for the extra nights the resident parents have the child.

If the settlement were totally fair I would say the NRP should pay in the proportion of the nights that they have the child.

However I think a degree of pragmatism is appropriate here and depends on circumstances and means. I don’t think anyone will ever look back and wish they had been meaner to their children.

Brakebackcyclebot · 18/08/2019 14:11

Yes, they should, especially when it's a new school etc - that can cost hundreds.

My ex always pays half of new uniform. He also pays half for big trips, big pieces of new equipment etc. Ie. costs that are not ordinary, every day expenses - which is what maintenance is for

Themyscira · 18/08/2019 14:11

Why would you purposely be stingy with your own child? Of course both parents should contribute equally to uniform.

Imagine the child's point of view - "you are only worth X amount to me, nothing more."

FFS.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 18/08/2019 14:14

I'm not sure. Isn't clothing technically covered by maintenance? I don't know how it works.

ColaFreezePop · 18/08/2019 14:16

Depends on how much time the child spends with each parent and/or the level of maintenance.

For example if the child spends near equal time with each parent then regardless of who is recieving the maintenance both parents should be buying the child clothing including school uniform. They don't need to ask each other it's using commonsense e.g. child has a too small coat then go buy them one that fits. On the other hand if the parent who spends least time with the child is paying loads of maintenance then it should come out of the maintenance money.

AnneElliott · 18/08/2019 14:17

Yes the NRP should pay for uniform. Definitely for the days they have the child (as the maintenance takes that into account) but also they should contribute if they only do weekends and not school days.

Why would you say to your child that they are not 'worth' spending money on? No RP or family where parents were still together would decide that their child had spent the funds that were allocated to them that month - so why is it different if parents are separated?
And for all those men (yes NRPs are mostly men) who do this - be aware that your kids will know. They might not say anything now - but they'll know.

PettyContractor · 18/08/2019 14:27

"Maintenance" is literally by definition money that is paid to support the child. Uniform is not an optional luxury to be bought only if parents are feeling flush, therefore is is not something to be covered by special requests. It needs to be afforded out of normal income, including maintenance.

Whether maintenance needs to be higher so it can be afforded is a separate issue. The whole point of having maintenance, for the beneift of both parties, is so that there does not have to be an blow-by-blow discussion of every spending issue.

So I would say no, in general cost of uniforms should not be asked for, and should not be given.

It is of course always possible to construct specific circumstances that would be exceptions.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/08/2019 14:34

Yes.
Many ex partners dispute this.
Every Christmas also any costs for education should be additional to the day to day maintaince living amount.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/08/2019 14:37

If your ex is reasonably, my friend and her ex put 10euro a week into a separate account for uniforms and Christmas by court order, they've shared custody.
Would your ex agree to try this, meet half way, even a fiver a week would help.

MoominKitty · 18/08/2019 14:51

My dad used to pay for my school shoes, bag and new stationary and half towards the expensive parts of the uniform that you couldn't get generically. And when I went to college he brought my text books and he was a tight git! I would think it would just be a given that they would?

BeanBag7 · 18/08/2019 15:08

A reasonable parent would pay towards this large and infrequent unavoidable cost. Many unreasonable parents choose not to as legally they dont have to.

WindsweptEgret · 18/08/2019 15:10

I agree with others who have said it depends on the care percentage split. 50/50 and the uniform costs should be split 50/50, 100% care and the child support should cover everything (not suggesting it's actually enough in most cases, but in theory). The child support is to cover costs of the child when with the other parent (food, clothing and so on), while any costs that only need to be paid once, (uniform and other school expenses, camps, and so on) should be shared.

Pipandmum · 18/08/2019 15:20

When child maintenance was worked out for my husband’s ex she listed everything she needed the money for. That included things like babysitters (which was excluded as they children were teens), school trips and uniforms etc. So that was all in there. My husband paid all the school fees direct.
His ex did not work and got a good alimony. So in this case it would be unreasonable to ask for extra to cover uniforms.
How was maintenance worked out?