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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

206 replies

Cosybythefire11 · 18/08/2019 14:04

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

OP posts:
sue51 · 18/08/2019 18:21

If they are paying cms only then yes they should. School uniform for my DDs old state school tops £300, a huge amount for some RPs.

Kewlwifee · 18/08/2019 18:21

Grrr

you're paying for half the additonal rent of a more than one bedroom in the area you settled your kids.

It isn't fair for RP who likely has the kids 10 to 12 days out of a fortnight to pay the entire rent or mortgage of a family home just because they are the RP and so have to live there too.

Seriously done now. I can't stand hearing about all these toxic relationships which poison kids.

JacquesHammer · 18/08/2019 18:24

I may have mentioned it on occasion to his father, but only as a "look what I am spending the maintenance on" as opposed to "you should pay me some more money"

That sounds like you feel like you have to justify your spending. You really don’t.

willowmelangell · 18/08/2019 18:25

In my opinion, with uniform often forced to be bought from exclusive shops, polo tops or jumpers or blazers with badges on for example, then both parents must pay 50% each.

Trousers, skirts, shirts, blouses and shoes can be bought quite reasonably nowadays. But crikey, don't they get through them and outgrow them quick?
Absolutely on top of maintenance. No question in my mind.
If NRP is sent with a list of minimum requirements and child on pre September shopping trip, a bit of reality might hit home to them.

BogglesGoggles · 18/08/2019 18:28

Is he refusing? I would think twice about having children with him if so.

Willow2017 · 18/08/2019 18:32

My ex's 'maintenance' per month doesn't cover one child's uniform.for this new term!
Yes you should contribute (although hell will freeze over before my ex will)

swingofthings · 18/08/2019 18:35

Kids in other europeen countries don't wear uniforms and it costs a lot more to dress them. Nrp are not expe Ted to pay for the clothes their kids wear for school on top of maintenance so in theory, I don't think nrp should be expected to pay for a hool uniform in addition to maintenance but again, it all depends to how much they pay in the first place.

Dotty1970 · 18/08/2019 18:36

Where does it state that uniform is extra! Seriously grabbing 🙄
It depends on the arrangement, my ex offered to contribute which was great but I wouldn't have asked as he paid the correct amount of maintenance

MamaJJJ · 18/08/2019 18:36

It really does depend on your circumstances. My partner pays child maintenance for his son from a previous relationship, his son stays with us 6 out of 14 nights. We are never supplied with clothes or anything for that matter. We also pay for after school clubs. We expect his mother to pay for his school uniform but we always end up buying a spare as kids gets dirty (quickly) and we wouldn’t send him to school in dirty clothes. 🤷‍♀️ His mother has it really good.....

Herefortheduration · 18/08/2019 18:36

We always paid extra at uniform time.

Littleduckeggblue · 18/08/2019 18:37

Yanbu
Maintenance paid should cover uniform cost.

bobsyourauntie · 18/08/2019 19:11

Yes, it SHOULD cover uniform cost, but for most people it sadly doesn't. The CSA should be amended so that these costs can be added.

Still at least my child knows whats what now and can see that it is me who paid for her all clubs, her music lessons, swimming lessons, sports, her birthday party, her christmas present, her days out, her school trips, school events, mobile phone, school dinners, school uniform and everything else. I provide 100% of her clothing and food/roof over head for around 98% of the year as he rarely has her.

She is aware that her father pays £30 a week, but she is also aware that doesn't cover much. Her new secondary uniform will cost around £250 by the time I have finished. Why the hell shouldn't he pay half??? Not that he will.!

Still , I should consider myself lucky, some mothers don't get a penny.

If you get a lot of maintenance then yes it should cover more, but when you don't, it is damn hard and why the hell should one parent have to pay for everything?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/08/2019 19:26

The resident parent usually gets far more time with the child so of course will pick up more costs. They can always agree to 50/50 if they want to reduce costs.

Plus it’s the resident parent who can claim the CB. Two months of that would have covered a high school uniform.

SoyDora · 18/08/2019 19:31

They can always agree to 50/50 if they want to reduce costs

That’s assuming the NRP wants 50/50. Of all the people I know in this situation, they very rarely do.

Snog · 18/08/2019 19:33

Uniform is instead of other clothes and probably cheaper than other clothes so I don't think NRP needs to contribute unless it's a 50/50 time split arrangement.

School trips however I do think they should pay half for.

Does also depend on individual circumstances though so I don't think there is just one answer to this question.

corlan · 18/08/2019 19:34

The kind of men that don't support their children financially are very often the men that have little or no time for their children. It's laughable to think they are queuing up to take their children for 50% of the time!

bobsyourauntie · 18/08/2019 19:36

It's not pay per view though is it and, 50/50, you have to be joking, I can't get my XH to see his child every other weekend! Oh how I would love to reduce the costs. He won't even have her in the holidays because "he has to work"... like I don't...

Don't people realise that some of us don't get any choice in this, we are literally left holding the baby??!! and then paid nothing or a pittance towards costs?

I don't get why some people don't think that a father should pay a fair amount for his child. Child benefit goes towards the monthly bills, its not suddenly spare when its uniform time! and it is only £82.80 per month, so 3 months required to cover a full set of secondary school uniform.

Twillow · 18/08/2019 19:45

In theory, maintenance should cover clothing that the child requires while with the resident parent. One would think, as the variation in amount is determined by the number of days the child spends with the resident parent, that the NRP would pay for school uniform and school meals/trips required on the days the child is with them.

One would think.

Mine doesn't.
Even tells the child to ask me to pay for xyz as "I give her money for that" Hmm

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/08/2019 19:49

My ex gives me extra for uniform and he pays over the odds for maintenance as it is. He also gives me extra when it's DS's birthday and at Christmas time.

wishfull888 · 18/08/2019 20:11

@GeekALeak
£2k a month expected from NRP to pay for a child "because £900 is no where near enough" from such statements It seems that IS expected to be the NRP soul responsibility. What is the RP putting in ?!

BeckyWithTheSplitEnds · 18/08/2019 20:15

It took me 4 years to pluck up the courage to ask him to pay the legal minimum... I did suggest he bought them school shoes this year. I won't make that mistake again. :(

GeekALeak · 18/08/2019 20:24

@wishfull888 I'm not really sure where you're getting that the NRP is expected to pay £2K, or did you just pluck that figureout the air?

In the case when we were kids, my Dad lived in a a room at my Nan's (his former MIL as it happens) house (she had a 4 bed house so we had a room there, my Dad paid rent), my Mum in a 3 bed (because she had us 3 kids most of the time) She provided a lot and worked her arse off around childcare, my Dad also worked incredibly hard, it was easier for him had he had us EOW.
They always got on very well, so they worked it out between them.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 18/08/2019 20:31

I think it depends on the relative wealth of the parents. I know someone who has a child with a woman with a LOT of family money. His ex insisted on their son going to an expensive private school. The man has a reasonable job and his own flat, but is by no means well off. He pays monthly maintenance.

I think she can and should pay for the uniform.

pikapikachu · 18/08/2019 21:08

If NRP has the kids on a school day, they should pay for a set per day. Shoes, pe Kit, stationery should be shared 50/50 because they aren't specific for a day.

In theory NRP don't have to pay for uniform but each one that accuses the RP of spending all maintenance on hair and nails should pay 100% so they know that know that it's spent on the child Wink

Personally I think that NRP should at least pay half when the child starts a new school. Starting secondary school is usually far from cheap.

boredboredboredboredbored · 18/08/2019 21:40

My ex would have a heart attack if I asked him for extra for uniforms. I had to go via CMS for full payments as he felt I only deserved half as I earn a good wage (note he earns 10k a year more than me).

I never ask him for another penny as the row would that ensue is just not worth the agro 😡