To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

[Cosybythefire11]

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

But dad is also renting a bigger house - whos contributing to that?

If the maintenance payment is the CMS amount then definitely yes. It’s the minimum amount after all.

I don’t get people who resent paying for their children, especially things like school uniform- something that benefits the child. That said, I’ve never asked my ex to pay towards it so he pays only the minimum. Mostly because he’s a selfish cunt and would never agree and I refuse to beg him for help.

It depends, if the absent parent is paying £2k a month (my friend is) then it's quite reasonable to expect it to pay for everything (he pays school fees directly to the school in addition and is living in a tiny 1 bed flat because that's all he can now afford)

£900 a month for food, housing, and whatever else for more than 1 child doesn't sound all that much to me

Oh really? Are you matching that £900 every month? £1800 a month to cover a childs expenses???

Ever heard of the expression that a couple can't afford to split up? This is sometimes why. And why exes end up living in the same house.

It might mean renting a studio nearby and the parents swapping house rather than the kids so they are always somewhere big enough for them to stay and have quality time with their parent.

I agree with previous posters that the legal minimum for maintenance doesn’t cover much at all. For my 2 children I get £35 a week each, and their dad won’t pay a penny more. Imagine if I matched that and then didn’t add anything extra?! Sorry kids, no food or shelter this week, your school uniform has used up all our money...

@Spanglyprincess1 my 3 primary aged children are costing 400 euros EACH to go back to school- and believe it or not, thats actually cheap (school shoes E8 from Aldi... mine are scuffers) but I have to provide ex with receipts/vouched receipts for every last penny or he refuses to pay.

Actually he still refuses to pay or believe it costs that much, even with the receipts in front of him but that's because he's a knob

If you're agreeing maintenance but don't want to pay extra for back to school then you can always opt to have the cost absorbed into the maintenance per month- but- if you're in a situation where its so contentious that a NRP wont pay towards school gear then its likely that theyll want to reduce it depending on varying years of school fees, or say 'you didnt pay that on school uniform' etc, or when there is a significant rise in educational costs (DD1 will start secondary next year, it will be about E1000 for her alone) that they will voluntarily pay an increase in maintenance to cover that, so the RP gets shafted.

Thats why I think its easier to keep the back to school as a one off lump sum to be divided between the parents each year.

I am having a problem with this at the moment. ExH is paying £400 pcm for four children.
School uniform for starting y7 is going to cost £200+. It's all school logo etc. No low in one support either.
I have been refused any help by him. Not even a pair of trainers.

Yes i have heard it and personally wouldn't allow myself to be in that position although obviously some people are.

Having a studio flat and parents moving in and out is an awful idea which i imagine in practice would not work for 99% of split uo couples. Its a recipe for disaster.

I definitely spend more than £450 a month on my 2 RC. Rent, activities,food, clothes. Definitely.

I no longer live in the U.K. but our system here for CM is a bit more fair in my opinion. Things like nursery and uniforms are separate to CM and are split between parents proportionate to income. So if mum makes £50k and dad makes £25k she pays 2/3 of uniform and he pays 1/3. It seems to work here. I don't begrudge my DP paying CM for his kids and their extra costs because .. they're his kids.

It's becoming quite a common solution actually.

Well, i dont so there you go. People are different. Lives are different.

Maybe in your circles cool. Certainly isnt in mine. But then i dont live in an exclusive area of london so what would i know.

@Kewlwifee
Ever heard of the expression that a couple can't afford to split up?

A friend told me a couple of years ago that her best friend and her husband would have split years ago, but they can't afford to. I think it happens quite a bit.

£900 a month for food, housing, and whatever else for more than 1 child doesn't sound all that much to me

I LIVE on little more than that. Mortgage (house big enough for children, though I have none), council tax (no extra cost for children), insurance (again, no extra cost if I had children), utilities - would be around double if I had say 2 kids, internet (no extra cost), TV license (no extra cost), food (probably more than double the cost to be fair).

So the EXTRA it would cost me to have children living here shouldn't double the bills overall.

But as stated above, it is so dependent on the individual arrangements and the income of the 2 parents, and in many cases to the attitude (e,g wanting the best for the kids, vs getting away with as little as possible)

Yes so many lives set up by 2 parents cost more than £450 per month and therefore 900 for 2 or more kids is peanuts.

Its all relative kewl

£900 certsibly isnt peanuts to me. I think your privilege is clouding your view.

In my exclusive area of London,we can usually afford another local home if we don't already have one, daaaarrrrling.

It's called birdsnesting: www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/better/amp/ncna935336

If your rent is 3k per month, it is peanuts.

Not everyone is as privileged as you kewl and it would do you good to open your eyes to that.

Yes so many lives set up by 2 parents cost more than £450 per month and therefore 900 for 2 or more kids is peanuts

Why are you talking about 450 from one parent? You said in response to the poster who said her DH was paying £900 monthly maintenance, that you didn't think £900 was all that much. The other parent should be matching that = £1800. It sounds like you think the parent who pays maintenance should be paying for everything.

I said I don't think it's much for more than 1 child. For 5 kids, that's 180 per month per child. I don't think that is a lot.

As a Grandmother I help out with uniform costs. I've bought tights, socks, polo shirts, cardigans and I'm putting in for the shoes.

I pick up general bits of clothing, as well.

If you can, i don't see why you wouldn't want to get involved. The start of each new year is another life phase.

It's different if the Parents have a much more disposal income and you're struggling, of course.

Birdsnesting would be a solution for people who aren't as financially privileged as me. I am more open to practical solutions that reduce impact on kids than you.