To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

[Cosybythefire11]

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

As for who buys it. I do the main Summer shop. But that's because I can. My ex worked out what he would have to pay based on his salary and he puts that money in our kid's bank accounts every month. Then, he clothes and feeds him as needed at his house and I do the same at mine. When extra uniform is needed, either of us buy what we need because clothes are continually rotated anyway. So if he needs some new jumpers, we usually buy 3. 2 stays, one goes with him to school and then the other house or is handed to the other parents on a pick up/drop off

Yes.. my Husband pays a decent weekly rate to his ex for their children, that contributes to day to day living costs for the kids. Mum provides clothing for her house. We provide clothing for our house. Then any extra expenses are split, uniforms, trips etc. It's not that uniform is majorly expensive.. but when you have to buy it all at once for more than one child it adds up.

@DeadBod

You could say both really. I am expecting a baby, due at near the end of the year and my partner has a child with another woman but their child is way before school age.

I personally wouldn’t see the mother pay for it all herself, she provides everything the child needs on a day to day basis, albeit my partner does pay maintenance but as it is THEIR child, I would be more than happy to contribute/ send the child home with their first pair of school Shoes/ few packs of school shirts or however it was decided to be split. And as I’m going to be become a mother myself, I would appreciate the contribution towards uniforms.

My ex pays maintenance in line with what he should. However he does not contribute to swimming lessons or uniform or anything else. I tried asking. It’s not worth it any more

Depends if they pay minimum or more than that. The minimum CSA is just that , a legal minimum to ensure that men can't get away without paying anything. It is NOT a target to aim for. My ex used to pay half the uniform as it was a large amount in one go when they start school, but he soon stopped. When he reduced the maintenance to just £30pw, I reminded him that it was a minimum to cover food and bills, and that extras like uniform, school trips, hobbies etc could be agreed amongst parents, he scoffed and declared the it was to cover everything. For 7 years I had had almost sole care of DC as he chooses to only see them a few times a year, and had to pay for everything, including £150 school residential. He will not pay a penny more. That makes him a sad loser.

I told him to go and read the CSA website and inform himself.

So YABU if you pay minimum CSA and won't pay for anything for else. Don't be a tight git, pay for your children.

For those saying it should be covered in child support. What happens when the ex gives a fiver a week? It isn’t covered in child support unless the ex either pays above CMS minimum or earns a shed load of money. In the latter case, they should still pay as the minimum is still very low in relation to their overall income.

When my DH and his ex were wrangling over maintenance (as part of a long drawn out, bitter divorce settlement) I remember he phoned me to run past me the figure they’d eventually reached. Took my breath away - £900 a month. I reluctantly agreed but made it clear that that should be for EVERYTHING and not a penny more. Of course he pays half towards expensive school trips, Christmas, birthdays. But at that amount of maintenance, school uniform should definitely be covered by this!

In theory the maintenance should cover everything but we all know it isn't enough so morally i think the other parent should contribute. Its a shame some parents have to ask for it.

£900 a month for food, housing, and whatever else for more than 1 child doesn't sound all that much to me. And I know a loaf of halfway decent bread is about £1.20 on average.

I think any parent who doesn't want to contribute to their own child's school uniform should be bloody ashamed of themselves.

Some mothers did not ever receive a penny in maintenance so asking for extra seems a bit chancey

*When my DH and his ex were wrangling over maintenance (as part of a long drawn out, bitter divorce settlement) I remember he phoned me to run past me the figure they’d eventually reached. Took my breath away - £900 a month. I reluctantly agreed but made it clear that that should be for EVERYTHING and not a penny more. Of course he pays half towards expensive school trips, Christmas, birthdays. But at that amount of maintenance, school uniform should definitely be covered by this!

You “reluctantly agreed”
It has bugger all to do with you
And £900 but again that means bugger all without knowing how much he earns and how many children.
My ex pays me £1490 a month for our two in CM. And he contributes to uniform etc. Face value - huge amount.
He earns >£150k with £70k bonus

£900 a month for food, housing, and whatever else for more than 1 child doesn't sound all that much to me

Then youre clearly very privileged.

Some mothers did not ever receive a penny in maintenance so asking for extra seems a bit chancey

So we should approach this on the basis that some have shit exs, so we should be grateful for anything we do receive?

Fu@k that!

I think both parents should contibute yes unless the maintenance agreement already includes it.

In our case we paid for it all when we were nrp and all when we were rp. Somehow dos ex found that a totally reasonable arrangement

Some mothers did not ever receive a penny in maintenance so asking for extra seems a bit chancey

It isn’t a race to the bottom

Should I have refused my ExH when he stated what he believed a fair deal was on the basis there are twattish men out their who resent supporting their children?

Or I just live in London where that would be the rent for a studio flat if you were lucky.

Post divorce, some of my friends have been left in private rentals for 3 or 4 kids which have to be in the area they school in or risk disrupting their education. Do you know how much it is to rent a 4 bedroom place in NW London? Especially if your kids make their own way to school? Social housing isn't accessible to working mothers who have money in the bank from a house sale but can't afford a house or maybe even get a mortgage in the area they would like to.

One kid, okay it sounds alright. 2 or more? Depends on where.

I’m not really sure to be honest. I don’t ask for more than maintenance for my children.
I know technically he could be paying more when it comes to big extras, but when you factor in my income plus child benefit plus maintenance I don’t really think there is any need to ask for more. I know other people will think differently. YANBU imo.

kewl its not your exs problem if you choose to live somewhere expensive though is it?

I spend nowhere near £900 a month on ds!

One kid, okay it sounds alright. 2 or more? Depends on where.

It depends on so much more than that

And kewl what if your ex earned min wage? Would you expect him to give you all of it so you can stay in a naice postcode?

This does provoke images of SM in her Hampstead mansion thumbing through adverts for flats in Slumsville that ex and kids could move into for £750 per month from their detached marital home.

its not your exs problem if you choose to live somewhere expensive though is it?

That’s a touch simplistic isn’t it?

Most families choose somewhere to live together - when a marriage breaks down it isn’t always the right decision to immediately uproot children from everything they’ve known in addition to their parents marriage breaking up.

£900 for housing, council tax, food, electric, water, tv, internet, clothes, is nowhere near half of what it costs to raise a child.

I'm not in the position to need it, however I never fail to be shocked about how much the current girlfriend/wife thinks it acceptable.

Its unlikely that my ex would be earning minimum wage if we live in one of the most exclusive areas of London.

But to answer your question, if he was,setting up a new family unit probably shouldn't have been on the top of his priorities.