To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

[Cosybythefire11]

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

This is really interesting to read others opinions. My friend works full time on minimum wage and her daughters father lives abroad. She has no idea how much he earns but he’s self employed so maintenance has always been a tricky subject, he does pay but it’s not much. Daughter only visits him in school holidays (all the half terms, one week at Easter, one at Xmas and 3 weeks of the summer) Friend asked him for help with the year 6 school residential, he refused. Luckily the grandparents helped as friends couldn’t afford it. Now she’s asked for help with the new uniform and equipment for secondary school and again he’s refused. I’m gobsmacked, I know legally he doesn’t have to but it can cost loads when buying a whole new set of uniform etc. People here are saying maintenance should cover everything but how does that work when you have occasional big amounts to provide? Why should he pay the same measly amount every month and not contribute to the more expensive items or school trips?
My ex doesn’t pay a penny for our kids but he also doesn’t see them, do people think that’s ok? He chooses not to see them so he chooses not to pay for them?

My ex doesn’t pay a penny for our kids but he also doesn’t see them, do people think that’s ok? He chooses not to see them so he chooses not to pay for them?

Absolutely not ok. Kids aren’t “pay per view” and the financial support thereof by their NRP shouldn’t be tied to whether he sees them.

I don’t get maintenance for my 14 year old (or my 17 year old) as ex pretends he has them 50/50 (17 year old hasn’t been there in a year) 14 year old spends more time here. But apparently he supports them both
Neither own a stitch of clothing or anything else he’s paid for. My 17 year old didn’t get a birthday present last year. Upon asking for him to provide half of one child’s school uniform this year I’ve been told he’s go wear what he had last term - all way too small he needs a new blazer etc so basically I pay everything for them and he brainwashed them into thinking he provides for my 14 year old. Eldest has already seen how he is just waiting for my younger son to catch on.
Sad really - he has 2 other children who live with him I bet won’t go without.

I voted YANBU - but I think it depends on how much maintenance is being paid really.

In 10 years of being a single parent, I’ve never received a penny in maintenance, much less extras like payments towards uniform, so I guess my opinion is somewhat biased by own experience. In other words, I’m a bitter old cow and would love someone to help towards expenses like this, but don’t really think you should expect it.

Another vote for yes, assuming they are only paying CMS maintenance. If you have a private arrangement that is higher and supposed to cover things like uniform then not necessarily. Although I would never disagree in theory with splitting big one-off expenses like uniform.

My ex only paid maintenance and nothing else. I did ask him once to help with uniforms but he refused. Luckly my parents helped out, when they went to secondary school.

It depends on how much maintenance is paid, if it doesn’t cover 50% of the resident parents reasonable parenting costs then yes, the non-resident parent should pay an additional amount.

My DD is having to wear uniform for the first time from September. I'm expecting her father to pay for half. He pays me maintenance per month plus half her activities and wraparound care. Maintenance covers the extra housing costs I wouldn't have to pay if she didn't live here as far as I'm concerned - not the extras and big expenses.

My husband pays for the logo'd school uniform, so jumpers, bags, etc on top of maintenance. He also pays for half birthday parties, and all the other bits. I'm glad he does. DSS is half his responsibility.

I think what nrp forget is the payment for half the uniform is for the child, they aren't paying out for the resident parent to go out on a jolly.

It's all for the child, not the parent.

My ex pays £7 per week for two children. 50p per child per day doesn't even cover half the cost of feeding them

A decent man would pay.

@Devaki
Yabu . School uniform is an extra expense.

No it isn't. The overwhelming majority of children attend a school where uniform is required. If they didn't wear uniform, they'd still need clothes! In actual fact they wear uniform 190 days, which is more than half of the year. Why parents complain about the cost of uniform when it's usually cheaper than non uniform clothes I have no idea. Maintenance contributions are just that, a contribution for maintaining the child, food, clothes, housing.
Yes, it's great if the NRP chooses to buy uniform therefore contributing more, but it's not a requirement. (And I'm fully aware that many NRPs dont pay the correct amount).

@Ginandsonic
A decent man would pay.
Or indeed a decent woman 🤷🏼‍♀️

Out of interest, are you the mother of the children or are you the fathers new partner?

If paying the statutory minimum, Nrp has an ethical obligation to help with big expenses. If they pay a generous amount with the agreement the extra will be saved for big expenses, then no need to pay more.

Yes, a decent parent would pay.

My kids need so much stuff going back after the summer. They just grow so damn quick.

The kids see their parents often enough for it to be practical to have uniform/clothes at all houses. Kiddo wears something to House A, puts something else on from House A, goes school/out/wherever and returns to House B. Meanwhile, clothes they wore to House A is laundered and put away for another time.

We are fortunate enough for it to mean we have 50% to double the amount of required uniform to facilitate this but if we weren't,we'd simply split what we can get. Otherwise it would mean the kids carrying loads of clothes and extras between each house.

Depends on the school.

If its the local comp/grammar school, yup.

If you have decided to send the child to the local prep/private school without asking (or even with asking and decided to just do it) then no.

@Soontobe60

I'm not sure why you have @ me in your post, that quote is not from me.

When ds’s started year 7, it cost over £500 for everything, and this is a state school. So yes the NRP should be contributing to this extra expense. My ds19 father did, every year. Ds14’s dad I don’t even ask, he’ll take him shopping and come back with school shoes and two new pairs of trainers. Then he’ll say ‘put his blazer, sports kit etc, anything he needs into the basket on line and I will pay’.

Maybe I’m fortunate to have amazing ex partners who do everything for their sons. Yes one does have a partner, two more children of his own, and step children- it hasn’t changed anything.

My ExH is self employed and is paying minimum for my DD,about £60 a month.
Until we started divorce his earning which I knew about were Hugh,miraculously the now are not apparently.
My DDS travel and college fee for materials are £1000.She is going to the nearest state college.He is paying nothing.

No, it should be covered by child support. Uniform is a known expense, it’s not a sudden unexpected bill. Most children get child benefit which can be used on top of child support and the matched contribution from the resident parent.

The only thing that I think should be added to is childcare so both can work if the child support (and RP matched amount plus child benefit and any others ) doesn’t cover that along with food, clothes and activities.

Rent and bills have to be paid by both parties and they would need somewhere to live with or without children.

A decent man would pay

And yet a depressingly large amount refuse to even pay maintenance.

For big expenses yes. I get zero money and havent had any for 7 years.

My exes parents have contributed more in 10 years we've been apart than he has.