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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

206 replies

Cosybythefire11 · 18/08/2019 14:04

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

OP posts:
tisonlymeagain · 21/08/2019 15:47

@SleeperSloth

I think that when you factor in the resident parent should also be contributing money to the child

This in spades! I receive maintenance and that's exactly how I feel. I see so many threads on here where people seem to think that the non-resident parent should be continually coughing up but the way I see it is my ex contributes XXX amount per month. If I was to put an equal amount towards that, it's more than enough to cover my children's daily needs, including uniforms etc.

Mintjulia · 21/08/2019 15:56

My ex pays about £280 a month for ds’ upkeep. School uniform for new senior school cost me £380 plus shoes & trainers, so £450.

ButterflyOne1 · 21/08/2019 15:59

I don't think they should be expected to pay more. I just found from a simple google search the following;

Child support is regular, reliable financial support that helps cover a child’s everyday living costs. Those costs include food and clothing as well as a suitable place to live. It’s generally money that the parent without main day-to-day care of the child pays to the parents who does have main day-to-day care of the child.

whattodowith · 21/08/2019 16:06

I have three DC with my ex husband and he pays me £200 pcm, never has them over night and never pays for anything extra such as uniform, school trips, extra curricular activities.

£200 pcm for three children does not stretch far at all. Their uniform, swim kits, PE kits, backpacks etc cost me £500 in total so I basically used 2.5 months of his payments purely for that leaving nothing extra for food, activities during the holidays etc.

Imo that is not enough in any way, shape or form and I don’t think I would be greedy to ask for an extra contribution towards uniform. I don’t ask anymore though because the one time I did ask he told me to ‘buy cheaper uniform’. I buy it as cheaply as I possibly can but with a school that’s insistent on logo jumpers/cardigans and a son in adult sized shoes, it ain’t cheap.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 21/08/2019 16:52

Well, I have 50/50, so no maintenance technically due. However, I still pay some because I earn more, and I want to make sure my kids never go without.

Unfortunately, my ex just takes.

She has never bought a single item of school uniform - I buy it for both houses, for two kids at secondary school.

She has never paid a penny towards a single school trip - the residentials and the overseas trips all get paid for by me.

She barely even gives them any money for their lunches on the days they're with her - they always end up coming to me for money.

They both have expensive hobbies, which cost me well over £100 per month for each of them. She very generously "allowed" me to reduce the voluntary maintenance that I pay her by £10 per month per child as 'her' contribution, and now makes a point of emphasising to the kids how she is paying for their hobbies.

She doesn't do anything with them. When they're with me, we have days out and have fun together. At her house, they end up sat on their phones in their room.

They regularly come to me to say there's something they need at their mum's house, but she has refused to get it for them because she "can't afford it". However, they also point out that she then immediately bought herself something new (kids notice everything - they're not stupid!).

So I'm paying for pretty much everything, because she knows I will never see my kids go without. Pretty damn galling, though - especially after she took a huge divorce settlement.

So, let's not badge all dads as feckless NRPs - the majority of us are out there, consistently doing the right thing, and putting our kids first. Even when their mother refuses to do the same.

HotChocolateLover · 21/08/2019 17:11

SM and Mum here. In an ideal world, yes they should. However, I ticked no they shouldn’t. I feel it should be voluntary if the paying parent can afford it. I never get extra from my ex (sometimes no maintenance either 😂) We’ll occasionally give extra to my husband’s ex but we wouldn’t leave ourselves short to do so as he pays more than enough in maintenance.

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