To be expected to pay/contribute to uniform when maintenance is paid

[Cosybythefire11]

Just asking this out of curiosity of opinions if anything.

If a parent pays child maintenance every month towards to upkeep of a child, should the other parent ask them to pay for/contribute towards a school uniform?

YABU - yes the parent should contribute
YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute

Morally yes legally no

I think every family has different arrangements when it comes to these things.

We have DSC 50/50 and we pay maintenance. I say we as it comes from our household budget. We also pay for all school uniform. And most clothing. It's most important to us that we do what is right by the children and that they are provided for at both homes.

I'm the one who usually starts buying uniform for the next school year in May time and then in the August holidays I do the labelling and take the kids for school shoes, coats and bags etc. It's just how we do it and I enjoy doing it.

It's never unreasonable to merely ask. It's unreasonable to demand or expect. x

I do wish Kewlwife would stop sabotaging threads

I don’t care what anyone says, £900 maintenance is substantial (no this is not London, it’s northern England). The reason I insisted that this be her lot is she is unfortunately one of those women that would pick my DH up by his ankles to shake every last penny out of him and not care if it left him destitute. She last year requested a “pay rise” as he “cannot expect to pay the same amount forever”. This came coincidentally after she’d just had another child with new DH. Basically it was crucial in our situation to draw a line in the sand when it came to money otherwise the “additional extras” would’ve never ended.

To the poster that said it’s got “bugger all to do with me”...ahem, yes it has. I’m his spouse and it affects me life?

There seems to be a general assumption amongst some that the NRP (dad) is 100% financially responsible. Everybody wants equality until it comes to cash eh?

Also just to say that I think NRP’s who are contributing nothing / peanuts towards their children are despicable.

Yes my ex pays half. I rarely ask him for any other extras apart from the occasional pair of trainers

Uniform is not expensive for my primary dc - it can all be bought at supermarket. But we have a tolerant school that doesn't demand logos on uniform. It's no more than everyday clothes we buy. Also I buy uniform as and when needed so there isn't a big expense at once. Depends how tight money is though.

Same here Xmasbaby11. Buying uniform for mine doesn’t cost any more than clothing them in non uniform clothes. I replace as and when needed, rather than all in one go in September.

YABU

No @GeekALeak it was mentioned in the thread.

I don’t think my ex pays enough but he insists he does. I don’t know the exact amount he earns so without going through CMS it’s impossible to say and I can’t really be arsed with the hassle of it. I get £200pcm for three children, he doesn’t have them overnight at all.

Their uniform this year cost me £500 in total. They are 7, 8 and 9 now so getting bigger, uniform obviously increases the older they get. My eldest is in size 5 shoes for example so they cost a fortune. The school also insists on logo jumpers/cardigans so that cost a bomb.

I explained this to him in the past but he simply told me to buy cheaper uniform and that his maintenance is enough. It really isn’t and I can’t buy cheaper uniform than I already do. I don’t buy cheap shoes because they break within a month or so, it’s a false economy.

Anyway basically I have used 2.5 months of his payments purely on uniform.

@Xmasbaby11 You are fortunate they attend such a lenient school. My DC’s school insists on logo jumpers and cardigans. They also request logo polo shirts but they are £5.50 each so I point blank refuse. Why would anyone do that when you can buy a pack of three for £4 from a supermarket? Ludicrous.

School shoes are extortionate when your child is in adult sized shoes.

One of the catch-phrases on this site that really annoys me is the one about CSA maintenance being only the minimum someone is required to pay.

Of course it is. And if a law were passed requiring an NRP to hand over 99% of their salary, it would still be" only the minimum." It would have to go to 100% before you could drop the "only".

It's also equally true that the same amount is the maximum they are required to pay, but for some reason I've seldom read that.

There is no spectrum of amounts that someone is legally required to pay, there is a single number.

If we're going to consider the moral spectrum, I can probably invent a scenario where the amount should be negative, i.e. the RP pays maintenance to the NRP! So it is nonsense that the legal minimum form the lower bound of the moral spectrum, which is what people generally like to imply.

@wishfull888 Ah I see. The way you said it implied I had said it, and I didn't.

whattodowith logo polo shirts at my kids school are £8 each! Luckily not compulsory though

Yes, back to school is a big expense, from experience, maintenance doesn't usually properly cover 50% of what a child actually costs if you add everything up

Child Maintenance is not there to support the BM lifestyle and pay for her the rest of her days, what a entitled load of drivel.

If it helps I added ordering everything bar the uniform logod jumpers online and shoes from clarks. The whole amount for 3 x kids came to less than ex asked dp for, for half the uniform. The jumpers are £14 I think from the school.
That's why some nrp say no as the ex tries to fllece them.
Another divorced friend and ex split as she's a reasonable human as is he and they just rub along paying expenses equally 5p:50 and no. Maintenance as it works best for kids and them, I incluidng topping up parent pay. A much better way of doing everything if you can.

Instinct says YANBU - no the parent shouldn’t contribute.

I receive maintenance from my ex and I would never ask him to contribute to uniform costs. What he pays for in maintenance is more than enough to cover their monthly needs when you factor in my share too (it's not up to him to solely provide for the children) so it would be unreasonable to ask him to pay more as I believe that uniform is part of their daily need, not an extra over.

whattodowith logo polo shirts at my kids school are £8 each! Luckily not compulsory though Ours are 2 for £25, secondary school. Not compulsory, but otherwise they have to stay in shirt and tie for the summer term.

My SC moved up to secondary school this time last year. My H worked out the cost of a full set of uniform (5 shirts, two sets of PE kit etc) , equipment, bag, shoes etc He found the uniform supplier online and got the list of kit from the school so that he didn’t miss anything. We have other secondary children in the house so he based his calculations on what they have (eg the need for 2 sets of PE kit rather than just one). He halved the amount, added another £50, sent the money, texted SC’anmum to let her know and still it wasn’t good enough! He pays a very decent amount of maintenance so could have argued that legally he didn’t have to send the extra but he thought it was the right thing to do so he did it.

As far as the cms are concerned the answer is no. The maintenance payment is to cover everything the child needs. If you ask for contributions towards uniform they reduce the amount the paying parent should pay to compensate as according to them they are paying you the correct affordable amount.

My ex has always regularly paid maintenance at CMS rate and I have never expected more than that. That seems fair to me.

I never get any extras towards uniforms even after asking. I just do not bother asking now and buy it myself.

My ex pays less that required by CMS because it's all he can afford to continue to live a fairly decent life. He is in a smaller flat now and yet his bills are high.
I'd rather he gave some disposable income to be able to treat our child and give her a good standard of life the days she is with him
I think that when you factor in the resident parent should also be contributing money to the child I think it is very unreasonable to expect anything over and above the maintenance contributions.
Yes children can be expensive but they dont have to be.

Not sure you are asking the most unbiased demographic asking on here OP