Is it rude for my partner to get up and add leftovers to the meal I just made him or am I just hormonal ??

[Hidingfrommyfamily]

Hello there- I’m wondering if you could clear up a question around table manners please?
For a family evening dinner a member of the family cooks a homemade pie and a vegetable salad. It takes quite a while and care is taken to present the meal.
The person it is served to picks at the parts of the salad they like and then goes to the kitchen and brings back some leftover cold veg from the fridge and adds it to the meal. Is this bad table manners?

Stop repeating that you’re hormonal! That’s not an acceptable excuse for being so petty and ridiculous.

You can't delete the post OP, you'd have to ask MN. I can't wait to see the deletion message if they do!

OP seemingly only joined MN a few hours ago (unless the NC-ed, and I can’t see why you do that just to post about a personalised pie and a ‘vegetable salad’), so I’m guessing she is not wise to the technicalities of posting here

I'm going to go against the grain here and say it depends on how ops dp approached getting the leftovers. Did he just add a bit extra or did he push her carefully made dinner sulkily around the plate before stomping off and grabbing something else?

I suspect this is less about her being bothered he wanted to eat more than being upset that he hasn't even pretend to enjoy her food.

My husband never eats anything I cook without tweaking it in some way, I find it really irritating. Plus how did he know you weren’t planning something else for the leftovers?

YANBU

What's the issue? My husband always (and I mean always) adds something to any meal I make, last night he added left over yorkshire puddings from the day before - it's just food?

Although I also need to know more about the pie and the “vegetable salad”

It's not rude, it's quite ok. I am sure this happens in lot's of households.
Did you not know,that Prince Harry often goes into his kitchen,to get a few more bits for his plate,after Meghan has dished up a meal. !

1. Pork pie, gala pie, quiche or pasty is acceptable with salad. Anything else is unreasonable.
2. How can you add “extra veg” to the vegetable salad? Surely you just mean you made a large salad?
3. Why would he wait until he’s eaten the pie and salad before getting the leftovers? That would result in him eating just a plate of cold veg.
4. Why didn’t you use the leftover veg in the pie or the salad in the first place? Seems pretty wasteful.
5. YABU to blame veg-based anger on hormones.

OP you've stated on another thread that you get PMT rage, you need to sort that out.

As said, your Partner was completely reasonable.

I won't eat cauliflower or broccoli, I'd pick round it but happily add in spinach/cabbage/onion/mushrooms etc. Why would you wait until the end and just be left with veg from the fridge?

If he lives in the house, it's his home.

For those struggling with the salad and pie concept, it's because your definition of salad is too narrow.

I helped my DD study for her professional cookery exam and technically any veg combination is a salad, then it depends on how it is constructed/bound. We typically now call them side dishes.

It kind of depends how it is done. If the DP says. "Ooh thanks babe this looks lovely, do you mind if I add a bit of this leftover veg as well - do you fancy some?" then all well and good.
If done silently, then yes, I might be a little bit miffed.

All he did, as far as I can tell, is add some veg.
So some extra sides....

No big deal. Salad and pie is a strange combo imo.

Maybe he should have said he was going to add some veg and whether you wanted some too. Maybe your cooking isn’t that great and he’s too scared to say.

Just to add to the salad and pie = no thing..

My H and I often disagree with what goes with pies in our house. He likes to put beans with like steak pie, chicken pie etc... I find this odd. AIBU? genuinely curious. To me, pie is a potatoes roasted/mashed and cooked veg with gravy kinda meal.

‘Rude’? Give your head a wobble OP

I think you may be feeling a little hormonal if this is upsetting you, op. My dh adds what seems like half a jar of pesto to every meal we have! He has also added leftovers. I don't take it personally but rather see it as a good way not to waste food. My bil, who was a chef, used to say he felt offended by anyone who added brown sauce to his creations!

do you mind if I add a bit of this leftover veg as well well she did mind, so would have said no, so then he's not allowed to eat the food he wants because he doesn't have permission from her? Are you seriously saying that she can dictate whether a grown adult cane eat food in the fridge in their own home?

OP does he live with you?

You sound manipulative, self centred and spoiled to be honest OP.

And I’m usually a fair poster who doesn’t join in the ‘bun fights’ but you really need a reality check - if you are bringing a life into this world you need to cut out with this rage and anger and hormones crap now. The only person responsible for your temper is you.

I learned this growing up with a dad who was prone to tempers and living in a house where all we did was to keep dad from getting in a temper. And he never actually hit me but fuck me it’s soul destroying.

I realised I was copying his ridiculous behaviour when I got a in a fight in a pub and very nearly lost my job, it took a lot of self reflection (ie realising what a nasty selfish twat I had turned into) to turn it around.

You can too.

Sorry for the depressing derail there everyone!

To me, pie is a potatoes roasted/mashed and cooked veg with gravy kinda meal.

Aye, I thought that. Then I moved North and was invited to have 'Pie and Peas'. 20 years on I still regularly moan about this weird set up. 'What? Just pie and peas? No potatoes?'

And they say I am the strange southerner.

Are you seriously saying that she can dictate whether a grown adult cane eat food in the fridge in their own home?

Nope - not saying that at all. Just saying that in this case it slightly depends how it is done as to whether it might appear rude or not.

TeamUnicorn, I'm a northerner and yeah to be fair I wouldn't bat an eyelid at pie and peas. Especially the chippy pies. Ooo cheese and onion pie from the chippy with mushy peas. Luvleyyyy.

Oh it’s your partner! I thought “family member” was sure to be MIL, FIL or SIL meddling with the salad.

I am very upset about this thread. Not because of any sympathy for the OP or her partner, but because I’m on a diet but am now gagging to go to Pieminister for lunch.

So he added cold veg to his plate, ie. More salad? I kind of get you as dh often adds extra cheese to a homemade lasagne for example but does it really matter. Just like adding salt and pepper to taste. Or is this some weird extended euphemism?

How is this rude? They are the pie, and just added some left over veggies from the fridge. Zero rudeness. You sound like he’s work. Try and unclench.