Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude for my partner to get up and add leftovers to the meal I just made him or am I just hormonal ??

219 replies

Hidingfrommyfamily · 12/08/2019 21:42

Hello there- I’m wondering if you could clear up a question around table manners please?
For a family evening dinner a member of the family cooks a homemade pie and a vegetable salad. It takes quite a while and care is taken to present the meal.
The person it is served to picks at the parts of the salad they like and then goes to the kitchen and brings back some leftover cold veg from the fridge and adds it to the meal. Is this bad table manners?

OP posts:
Toknowornot · 12/08/2019 23:49

Eating leftovers is good for the environment 👍

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 12/08/2019 23:50

It just felt upsetting after I had put a lot of effort into it

Goodness, he ate the damn meal just added something extra to eat. What an awful attitude you have, and he is right, it is his home and he has every right to decide how he wishes to enjoy his meal. JUST LIKE YOU.

Original poster
Hidingfrommyfamily · 12/08/2019 23:51

You have requested I delete the post so I will
I still valued everyone’s input- that’s why I put it on here. I am hormonal and when I am I get a short fuse: so a reality check was what I was after .

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2019 23:53

So he ate the alphabetised pie, the salad he liked and got his own extra veg instead of expecting you to do it. What's the problem?

Original poster
Hidingfrommyfamily · 12/08/2019 23:53

Actually it’s not his home it’s mine. I pay for it and cook and clean

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2019 23:54

Actually it’s not his home it’s mine. I pay for it and cook and clean
So he doesn't live there, he just comes over for tea. Otherwise it's his home too, but your property. If you have an issue with his lack of housework and chores don't moan when he gets his own veg because you want to wait on him!

MaintainTheMolehill · 12/08/2019 23:54

Noooo I thought I would find out what the pie was by the end of the thread!

flappi · 12/08/2019 23:54

No

You are an extremely unreasonable person .

Spacerader · 12/08/2019 23:55

Another wondering what sort of pie you had with salad, and what a vegetable salad is?

Why didn’t you just serve a bowl of the extra veg on the table so you could have helped yourself! My partner is always going back for leftovers or adding to his plate. It doesn’t bother me at all.

And extra veg in the pie doesn’t count. It’s gotta be on the side to count as extra (or maybe I’m just greedy)

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2019 23:56

Yeah @Hidingfrommyfamily focus. What pie and what's a vegetable salad as opposed to a normal salad?

ChicCroissant · 12/08/2019 23:56

You can't delete the post OP, you'd have to ask MN. I can't wait to see the deletion message if they do!

Nicknacky · 12/08/2019 23:56

I’m really not seeing what the issue is here!

And why does home ownership now come into it?

lyralalala · 12/08/2019 23:56

I find the idea of trying to tell an adult they can't add extra veg (or extra anything) to their meal pretty bizarre.

If he asked you to cook pie and carrots then added parsnips and left all the carrots he'd be unreasonable. But eating the pie, and the veg salad (what is that?) plus other veggies I'm not seeing the issue with

flappi · 12/08/2019 23:56

If you don’t like him depending on you , end the relationship or tell him to get his own place . But trying or even thinking about controlling what someone eats is pretty crazy

lyralalala · 12/08/2019 23:58

Does he live with you? If he does then surely it's his home?

My DH technically owned our house before we got married, but it was still my home.

If he lives with you and you don't consider it his home (diferent from house) then you have bigger problems than veggies.

WhyBirdStop · 13/08/2019 00:00

I need to know what was in the pie and why it was served with 'vegetable salad', also what a vegetable salad is! Don't go OP.

PPs I am a southerner, had never had a cheese pie until I started travelling to the north a lot for work, what a treat, definitely been missing out (still wouldn't have it with salad). Also, the pie shops I encountered were fabulous, I do love a traditional East end pie, mash and liquor but places like Pieminister and lord of the pies, just delicious.

partysong · 13/08/2019 00:00

@WhenISnappedAndFarted - oh I don't but google showed a few. Just a basic cheese (and ideally onion) pie is what you want - no fancy cheeses. Full crust all the way round (not one of those just pastry topping pies)

Good luck and you can thank me later Grin

Ps I want cheese pie now but I guess that's not reasonable at midnight ...

VenusTiger · 13/08/2019 00:01

@Sunbeam18 mixed veg I guess... like a fruit salad 🤷🏼‍♀️

BackforGood · 13/08/2019 00:03

You have requested I delete the post so I will

Confused Who has ? Who is 'you' ?

Are you now saying that, as you own the building, your "partner" - your words - shouldn't be able to feel at home there?
Maybe you have a different meaning of the word 'partner', from me.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 13/08/2019 00:04

@partysong sounds amazing! Thank you

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 13/08/2019 00:12

Stop saying you're hormonal, you're just behaving like a manipulative person, trying to guilt someone and make them feel as if they've done something awful over nothing. If you get a short fuse over something so normal, I beg to wonder if you are an abusive partner to this man.

As for it not being his home, if he lives with you - it's his home too. Even if he just comes over for dinner - he still did not do anything wrong by adding extra food to his meal. Fucking hell, I am so glad I do not know people like you in real life, this behaviour is just embarrassing and I can imagine it being stressful for those who live with it.

colourlessgreenidea · 13/08/2019 00:12

Actually it’s not his home it’s mine. I pay for it and cook and clean

And so you expect him to eat what you decree he should eat, and he can’t add leftovers to labour-intensive, elegantly presented monogrammed pie and vegetable salad?

This thread has got to be a wind up! The resolutely undefined ‘vegetable salad’ was obviously the first clue Grin

greenlynx · 13/08/2019 00:13

I can’t see any problem with pie and vegetable salad whatever it is. I’m not sure about your DH picking up just some particular bits of the salad. Picking bits is a bit childish unless you put something he dislikes in this case you’re in the wrong.
Adding extra vegs was ok.
It seems to me that you were cooking dinner for too long and you both became very hungry and stressed.

FrogFairy · 13/08/2019 00:14

OP, please will you share your recipe for vegetable salad? Genuinely interested, not piss taking.

FieryBiscuits14 · 13/08/2019 00:15

Surely cold veg out of the fridge is just another type of vegetable salad.

My ex's mum used to make cheese and potato pie. It was amazing