To think you only go to funerals of people you know?

[justforthebuffet]

That's a bit of a generalisation I know. But myself and DH only go to funerals of people we know pretty well. I'm going to a family funeral next week, and I'm amazed at the number of people who are coming along who have either met the deceased/their family once or twice, and some are tagging along as a plus one despite never having met them at all. My DH isn't coming as he hasn't had anything to do with them for years and it means taking the day off work, but now I'm worried people will wonder why he isn't with me! Is it just me? Or is it the done thing to take extras along?

I think this is a bit regional. I'm Welsh and Irish funerals it would be normal to go to the funerals of workmates parents who you've never met, your mates Nan etc. In other regions not so much.

This is cultural and varies enormously between countries/regions and classes. My MiL was upset the other day to not go to the funeral in her church despite not even knowing the name of the deceased. Other people wouldn’t go to a funeral unless it was a very close family member.

You can only do what suits you and not worry about other people’s thoughts on grief.

Maybe they’ve been asked to, to fill up the rows?

Anyway, I’ve never heard anyone complain about a good attendance at a funeral. 🙂

It's a personal choice and nobody will be taking a register, so do whatever you want. Nobody will notice your husband not being there.

Some people find funerals interesting, even for people they barely knew. I suppose it's a bit like people looking at the graves of complete strangers, or tracing family trees for other people - there's something very interesting about the lives of others.

When one of my best friends’ dad died, I went to the funeral to support my friend, even though I’d never met her dad. Generally, though, I agree with you, OP.

No, they haven't been asked to go (I know all the people involved very well) in fact the family are quite hard up and are worrying about the cost of the catering, which is why I was questioning these extras going in the first place.

I don't get it either. I've only been to 2 funerals in my life, of VERY close family members, and they were both so traumatic for me that I really have no desire to go to anymore. It must just be a personal thing I guess, you wouldn't catch me dead at a stranger's funeral

I would go to someone I was close to or a relative even if I didn’t know them well to represent my family. My (non existent) partner would come if available to to support me and pay respect as part of being a couple. I would not go to a funeral of someone I didn’t know (unless that person was close to my partner).
But I can see how in some communities people go as that is the custom.

I think it's fair enough to go to funerals of people you know. With the exception if you are there to support someone important. As an example if your best friends mother dies then you go there to support your friend. Also I think it's totally normal to go with your spouse to their family members funeral even if you don't know them. I actually think it kinda expected if they can make it but if they cannot then it's not a huge deal.

I go to funerals to support a bereaved person I care for. If my friend is hurting and needs their friends around them you’d have to be some sort of wanker to not bother to be there for them because you never actually met their granny/uncle/parent/etc.

It’s a cultural thing. In many places you go to show support for the bereaved or as a mark of respect to the deceased.

It’s not seen as “ extras “ and people who be shocked and think you were very rude if you expressed that view.

Funerals are not for the dead, so I would go to support the living.p, even if I didnotkow the dead person.

In my experience it is entirely normal for parishioners to attend the requiem Mass which might have replaced the daily Mass they normally attend. Some kind people attend funerals of parishioners where they know they’d been quite limited in their life by age and infirmity- to almost make up numbers and ensure enough prayers for the repose of their soul.
Others might attend to support the living. I’ve been when a friend’s parent has died just to provide them with support whilst they support a grieving spouse or just to show empathy. It’s always been appreciated and for many ‘a good turnout’ is validation of that person and their importance to the world.
In small villages like ours, everyone turns up.

Reached an age where I go to a few funerals ... I go if the person was important to me or related to me. I've also been to friends' parents' funerals where they have a small or unsupportive family, and as a plus-one where the person going wanted someone for company.

When I've been to the funeral of someone I don't know well as a mark of respect (neighbour, local dignitary) I don't attend the wake (England).

My opinion would be that funerals aren't for the dead , they are for the living. Most people I know would go to funerals to support a friend/colleague/relative who lost someone close even if they didn't know the deceased. Mind you, I am in Ireland, not the UK.

There are cultural and regional (and personal) variations.

I've been guilt tripped into attending funerals of people I never met and won't do it again.

Under the circs. you describe it does seem a bit odd.

However i've been with DH to the funeral of someone i've never met and DH had only met once, because their son asked my DH to come along and bring me as otherwise there would have only been 2 people there :(

Many of the elderly church goers in my village attend all weddings and funerals, regardless of whether they know the person. They sit at the back so that close relatives and friends get the best seats. I think it is rather nice.

I think it is normal to go to a funeral of a relative, even if you didn't know them that well.

And you might go to a funeral of someone you didn't know because you knew a member of their family and wanted to support them.

I'm actually surprised you know who is going as the funerals I've been to recently people have just turned up.

the family are quite hard up and are worrying about the cost of the catering, which is why I was questioning these extras going in the first place

I thought this was probably the reason. They don't need to cater, it's normal but not compulsory if they can't afford it - I didn't have catering at my father's funeral because I knew very few people would be there. Just go to local pub and let people buy their own drinks and sandwiches which is what we did except in our case we paid for them.

I think it's weird to go to the funeral of someone you don't know.

DP's family thought it was weird that me and his brother's girlfriend didn't go to the funeral of an uncle we'd never met.

No massive cultural difference - we grew up on the same council estate.

I went to a friend’s husband’s funeral recently, I only met him once but I’ve known her for over 10 years and he was ill for a long time. Her face lit up when she saw me, she was really touched to see that I’d driven 75 miles each way to honour him & to show her support. This thread reminds me that I need to give her a call, see how she’s doing.

''They don't need to cater, it's normal but not compulsory if they can't afford it''

Yes, this

Unlike weddings i don't think people tend to go to funerals with any actual strong stexpectations of what happens afterwards. Food or alcohol or whatever.

stexpectations = expectations !

I dont think theres a general rule.
Go if you want or not as the case maybe.
Ive never heard of anyone saying so and so didnt turn up.
At the end of the day like weddings/partys etc its who turns up what counts not who doesn't.

I was brought up with the funerals are for the living and that it was perfectly acceptable to go to a funeral of someone you didn’t know to support the living friend/relative who you were close to.
I don’t think either way is odd it is just what you feel is best at the time.