To think you only go to funerals of people you know?

[justforthebuffet]

That's a bit of a generalisation I know. But myself and DH only go to funerals of people we know pretty well. I'm going to a family funeral next week, and I'm amazed at the number of people who are coming along who have either met the deceased/their family once or twice, and some are tagging along as a plus one despite never having met them at all. My DH isn't coming as he hasn't had anything to do with them for years and it means taking the day off work, but now I'm worried people will wonder why he isn't with me! Is it just me? Or is it the done thing to take extras along?

Personally I find it a bit rude and unecessarily intrusive to attend a funeral when you didn't know the person well, it's like watching other people's distress. However, I know that opinions vary - MIL attends funerals of people she barely knows, I think she does it out of respect, or because 'you're meant to'. She'd find my opinions odd, I find hers odd.

I’ve been to funerals of people I’ve never even met. As a support to the person I know who has lost a loved one.

I've told my DC that only people who have visited me or contacted me in the 6 months prior to my death are to attend my funeral.

I truly believe that if they can't be bothered while I'm alive then why would they bother when I'm dead.

Actually that was before I decided I would donate my body to science. Papers have all been filled in and sent back.

I've just buried my Uncle.

There were at least 400 people there.

I go to mourn the person, but also to support friends and family. E.g. a good friend at work lost her mum. Never met her but wanted to be there for her daughter and grand daughter.

Go if you want and don't if you don't - pretty simple.

Funerals are about the living. Showing support for those left behind. I've been to a couple of funerals of people I didn't know. Close family of friends, my friends still needed support in the months and years afterwards.

But it is also different if you are local and able to get away from work for a couple of hours or half day rather than taking a full day and travel for a distant relatives funeral.

I think what I'm trying to say is if it was DH's Auntie who's 30mins away yes I'd make the effort to go, if it was his Auntie 6hr drive away, I'd send my apologies. Both of whom I've only seen a handful of times in 12 years.

Iv been to funerals of people I dont know/dont know very well but only if I know the spouse/child/sibling very well. For example: a friend from work who's wife died after a long illness, private conversations at work during this time, my daughters best friends mum, my daughters close friends dad. I go to the funeral to show my support, then leave, I never go to the wake. I have found that people appreciate you making the effort, it shows that you care

It's normal to attend with your partner I think even if they didn't know the deceased.

My boss used to go to funerals of people she barely knew. It was actually a bit embarrassing imo. We worked with a company in a professional capacity and they were in the same building. The man we dealt with lost his wife and she trotted off to the funeral. They weren’t friends as far as I knew. A lady at work lost her husband and she barely knew her but trotted off to the funeral. She came to my dads funeral but I was her staff member so that was expected.

In my view you go to a funeral to support the bereaved.

A long time friend lost her dad recently. I had met him maybe once in the 20+ years we've been friends. I went to his funeral. She was delighted to see me there.

It's not a fun day out for anyone involved - I would think that most attendees are doing so for a reason other than a free cup of tea and some sandwiches ?

Reminds me of the TV series The Royle Family where nana goes to funerals just for the buffet .It is a regional thing in cases but I think some people do go for social reasons tbh.

I think as someone else already said it can be a very cultural thing depending on the background of the deceased person’s family. Irish people go to funerals of everyone from your bosses mum to your weird neighbour you never spoke to but we usually go to the service and head off after. Wouldn’t be staying for food or anything like that.

it's perfectly possible for someone you only met a once or twice to have had a massive impact on your life - especially in a work context if they helped you or mentored you or gave you advice.

I think it depends why you are going. Not knowing someone well doesn't necessarily mean its a bad thing to go - it maybe a way of literally paying respects to the deceased person and to show the family that this person meant something significant to you and affected your life for the better even if you didn't know them well.

I go to funerals of people I don't know very well if I'm showing support for someone. So I have been to the funeral of a frien's mum and also a different friend's dh. Neither of whom I knew well. In both cases I didn't stop for the wake so just went to the service.

My friend who's mum died said afterwards she was grateful for me and others who did that as she had worried her mum wouldn't have a good turn out.

I think it’s not wrong to go, particularly if you are supporting a bereaved widow/er for instance. As a PP said, no one ever complained a funeral was under-attended.

But: I think it’s not on to muscle into the cars, wail uncontrollably before or during the service or, unless specifically invited, attend or overstay at the wake.

I know people that have a loose connection to the deceased that will and have made a funeral all about them. It was breathtakingly overstepping.

Ahhh, the regional thing makes perfect sense. I've lived in the south east all my life but my dad is from NI. He's been to so many funerals of people who I would think are quite random, and I've always wondered why. His most obscure attendance was the funeral of the wife of the man who once sold my dad a car. But this thread is making me see things differently. I'm actually thinking now that it's rather lovely to show your respects even if you didn't know the person (as long as you're not going along for the free pork pies afterwards!).

I’ve also been to funerals of people I’ve never met as support for the people I do know, for example I went to the funeral of a friends wife even though I’d never met her, I went to support him. I’ve also been to the funerals of my friends parents/grandparents

I sometimes go to funerals of people that I don't know well to support bereaved people that I care about. If I am there on that basis, I either don't go to the wake or don't visit the buffet.

Disagree. I had about 10-15 friends come to my mum's funeral in May, who never met her, but they came to support me.

Like a PP said too, some people attend to represent others in the family.

I’ve been to a couple where I didn’t know the deceased but I knew the people going as it was to support them. I’ll never forget my ex-husband’s cousin’s funeral (who i’d never met). He was only 21, killed in Afghanistan. He had a funeral with full military honours and all the old boys turned out in their uniforms or suits with medals (doubt they knew him). His mother was wailing all the way through but having a massive turn out plus people waiting outside the church helped her to know how loved her son was and she said it was a comfort.

Not necessarily - you would also go to the funeral of a good friends partner/child/parent irrespective of whether you had a close relationship with them. You go to support your friend

You might never have net your partners granny, but surely you’d go with your partner, because granny is family by proxy?

You’re being very simplistic in your view

In Ireland it's a national past time. The Irish love a good funeral especially in rural areas.... Some of the culchie radio stations read out obituaries several times a day with full funeral directions!

At my dad's funeral last week, there was someone who I don't think ever spoke to him at the service. I doubt he would have known her. She then came to the reception, which I frankly thought was downright cheeky. It annoyed me, she didn't arse herself to speak to any of the family, just ate the food then left quite quickly. (She's not broke) She's the type to attend a wedding even if she doesn't know the bride or groom. Pissed me off.

Everyone else was a former colleague, friend or family.

I think the funeral (the service) is a very different thing to the 'wake' (or whatever you call the food afterwards).

Some people go just to the funeral service, to fill up pews, support the living or show respect to someone who's died that they may barely know.

Going on to the 'wake' (I know it's not the same thing as a wake but I don't want to call it the after-party) if you didn't know the deceased or any of their family and you're not invited always seems a bit CF to me.

Some of my friends came to my Mum’s funeral. I didn’t ask them to but I was so grateful they thought to do it to support me.

In Scotland it's normal to attend a funeral of, for example, the parents of your friends, even though you've never met them.
It's to pay your respects and support the bereaved.

I've also been to the funeral of very elderly neighbours whom I didn't know all that well, just because I wanted them to be remembered when there were few friends or family.