Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious DH is paying for wedding?

416 replies

4dogs · 04/08/2019 17:21

I had another thread on here about DSD’s wedding plans. She got engaged 3 yrs ago and booked quite a fancy wedding. With 6 weeks to go it transpired she still has £3,200 left to pay (original bill was £4,200). We gave them £1k earlier this year (which was my money not DH’s). DSD and fiancee have child. DSD works a few part time cleaning jobs, fiancee does not work, he did have a job but stopped turning up for reasons unknown.

DH and I agreed not to pay as we don’t really have the money but now it transpires he is taking a loan and paying.

In the meantime fiancee puts posts on FB about don’t let a job wear you out, it’s not worth it and DSD posts pictures of them out for a pub meal.

I honestly think my brain is going to explode. DH just says his daughter was sobbing over not being able to pay and I would do the same for mine (I bloody wouldn’t).

I am on the verge of kicking him out over this. Do I just need to calm down and get over it?

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 04/08/2019 17:23

I posted on your other thread. You should get out while you still can. It's ridiculous and you'll end up paying, even though the loan is in his name.

Are you happy in that relationship?!

Goodnightjude1 · 04/08/2019 17:24

You are definitely not BU. I would be fuming if my OH did this!! Why have a wedding you can’t afford?? Especially when you won’t get off your arse to pay for it!!

They are all being very unreasonable. My blood is boiling on your behalf!!!!

llangennith · 04/08/2019 17:24

I read all your last thread. I'm so sorry it's turned out like this. I'd be furious too. You have every right to feel the way you do. Think hard about your future. Thanks

CodenameVillanelle · 04/08/2019 17:25

You are not overreacting. I hope you told him you won't be going to this sham of a wedding.

Original poster
4dogs · 04/08/2019 17:25

I’m not happy. Haven’t been for a while but was very ill last year and not sure what is real unhappiness and what is depression. I have been very hesitant to make any big decisions.

OP posts:
WhatIsThis1 · 04/08/2019 17:26

I remember your other post.
Walk away, leave them to it.

MorningHair · 04/08/2019 17:27

I remember your other thread, too. Of course you're not being unreasonable your DH is being ridiculous. Your DS needs to cut her coat to suit her cloth and if she has a couple of cleaning jobs and is planning to marry someone who is unemployed and has no interest in being employed, she simply can't have a fancy wedding that they are completely unable to pay for, and it's unfair and manipulative to wail and shriek until someone picks up the tab.

luckygreeneyes · 04/08/2019 17:27

Leave honestly, that’s ludicrous

MorningHair · 04/08/2019 17:27

DS should read SD.

Chakano · 04/08/2019 17:27

DH just says his daughter was sobbing over not being able to pay

He's not worrying about you sobbing over financial reasons, he's taking out loans.
Ask him why he's supporting such losers, pack a bag and off you go.
He's made his priorities clear and you aren't one of them.

Original poster
4dogs · 04/08/2019 17:28

CodenameVillanelle, I hadn’t intended to go anyway as don’t feel up to attending events full of people I don’t know (quite depressed).

I just can’t believe he is being so gullible and stupid. Why is he rewarding lazy and irresponsible behaviour? This is not who I thought he was.

OP posts:
Sunandrainallconfusedhere · 04/08/2019 17:28

Also remember your first post. Please leave him. He sees you as nothing more than a doormat.
Cms won't take HIS loan into account -

SavoyCabbage · 04/08/2019 17:28

I don’t think you are over reacting to kick him out. Ultimately he’s rely on you and your savings to be his safety net.

He’s brought her up to be feckless.

Have your operation and don’t get pulled into this disaster.

MissBehaves · 04/08/2019 17:29

I read your last thread... YANBU- sorry this has happened Flowers

FinnBalorsAbs · 04/08/2019 17:29

I remember your other thread and in your position I too would be thinking seriously about my options and whether to continue things.

Alexkate2468 · 04/08/2019 17:30

I’d be furious too. I read your other thread and would feel exactly the same as you.
I’d definitely be rethinking my relationship after this. I can see why your dh might want to help but I think dsd needs a reality check. Don’t book a fancy wedding if you can’t pay!

Ozziewozzie · 04/08/2019 17:30

I’m with you in this. If they can’t afford it, then they can’t have it. How about they take out a loan. Parents of course can contribute to weddings, but I thought this was by way of a gift etc, not because the kids want big but can’t pay for it.
Being parents and getting married, one would expect them to behave like adults.
If dsd’s dp can’t work, then surely the money would be better spent on cost of living as opposed to extravagancies.

Jemima232 · 04/08/2019 17:30

Oh Lord. This has got worse and worse.

Honestly? Make plans to leave, OP.

I'm so sorry. They're all taking you for a ride. I hope your finances are separate from your DH's.

HotChocWithCream · 04/08/2019 17:31

Over and above the whole ridiculousness of your step daughter's behaviour..... your OH has made a decision which he KNOWS you are completely against (for VERY valid reasons).

He clearly has no respect for you. I couldn't' get over this. You need to seriously reassess this "relationship".

cottonwoolsnowmen · 04/08/2019 17:32

Damn, I hoped this wasn't going to be you.

I would be kicking him out.

timshelthechoice · 04/08/2019 17:33

Walk away NOW. I remember your other thread.

PooWillyBumBum · 04/08/2019 17:33

I'm so disappointed to read this. No, I would not let this go, given the financial situation you explained in your last post. This is ridiculous.

TuffersTickler · 04/08/2019 17:34

I am gutted for you. Your DH is an absolute fool.

If I were you, I would seek to protect myself financially (make sure you have your own finances and accounts). Do not allow this loan to be paid out of any joint account money, to which you have contributed.

Angry
Original poster
4dogs · 04/08/2019 17:34

I have had good news re cataract operation. Got chatting on a twitter thread about NHS rationing, a kind person who is an optician said my situation was all kinds of wrong, made some phone calls and got me to see another optician. Saw them on Friday and am now being urgently referred to NHS. Optician said previously one had failed in their duty of care to me and if not treated soon it could become inoperable! She said I should go to top of list with letter she has written. So that’s one good thing.

I really have lost respect for DH over this wedding fiasco.

OP posts:
cheeseislife8 · 04/08/2019 17:34

He's taken a huge financial decision which will affect you both without consulting you. That's a massive no-no