to put my 1 year old twins in cots when I can't take it?

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I have 14 month old twins which I absolutely adore. Every day I look forward to nothing but playing with them but recently they have become very hard to handle.

The eldest twin is vv clingy as in; I will play with her, she has lots of toys, I cuddle her a lot, she watches a bit of peppa pig, gets plenty of snacks but is never happy. An example can be she's fully fed, changed, given attention but I am currently in the middle of a degree, so I often do need to sit and use my laptop for work. She will pull at my clothes and whine very loudly and cry until I pick her up to put her on the sofa. After I feel like she's had enough on the sofa she will get down or I will put her down but immediately starts to scream again. This can happen from the minute she wakes up until she goes down to sleep so all day basically. I known the difference to when she needs a nap as I will put her down. I don't think it's teething purely because at night they will both sleep 12 hours and there are no other signs of teething apart from a tooth.

Now the 2nd twin is becoming like this and it's frustrating for DP and me because we do give them enough attention but feel like we're lacking somewhere. They can screech really loudly all day and we don't like to open our windows because it sounds terrible and the walls are thin too. It's not like a quite screech either it's a full on tantrum cry!!

In the end it gets a lot for us and we will time out the kids and put them upstairs until they calm down but is this unreasonable? Does anyone have any advice? It is just a phase.... right?!?!

also forgot to say they are our first kids

I think it's very hard for kids to understand that we are actually doing something, when we sit at the computer. So in your twins eyes you are just sitting there, doing nothing, so yould just as well play with them. When we activiley do something, like housework, it's much easier for them, because they can see us doing it.

How much do you need to work on the laptop? I'd move it to times they are sleeping or not with you as much as possible. If that's not enough time, maybe get a babysitter or put them in a nursery for a few hours a week, if you can afford it.

Sounds pretty normal. Not sure you should leave them crying in the cot (how long for?). If they sleep 12 hours can you study when they're in bed? What about putting them in a nursery for a day a week so you can work?

What they^ said. I don’t think it’s realistic to work when they are awake and with you.

@SmartPlay I am doing a full time bio course which is 35 hours a week so I'd say often I do need to be on my laptop. However, when I'm not and need to get housework done they cry too because they don't like to see me or my partner leave the room and forget the hoover! So I do have to push housework to the evening which would leave not as much time for me to do my work. Unfortunately we can't afford a baby sitter otherwise I would strongly consider it as I feel like they do need attention A LOT. Thank you for your answer.

This is why you can’t really work or study with young kids around. They just don’t understand. Mine could be as happy has Larry and then I’d go and turn the computer on to send an email and she’d instantly demand attention.

@Barbarafromblackpool I don't leave them crying in that way, I mean in the way that I would put them up there for 10 minutes just to compose myself or I feel like I'd go insane, during which they do settle down. I then bring them back down again and just resume my daily routine.

I think it's very hard for kids to understand that we are actually doing something, when we sit at the computer.

Yeah, they're a bit like cats at that age - what the fuck are you doing staring at that rectangle, not meeeeeeee?

I agree with PP that you need some way of compartmentalising study time from other things. It won't last forever before they're able to do some more independent play.

Can you shift it around so that all chores are done whilst the kids are awake, and all study time is compressed and focused so you can be totally separate?

I'm also studying at the moment although we have finished for summer now. I find daytime study hard and for me it is only doable at nap time. I dont even attempt it while my toddler is awake because I cant get into the swing of it properly and then I get frustrated. I can get away with setting an activity up for him to get 20 mins of reading done but that is my lot.
So naptimes and evenings are study time, plus weekends when DH is home.
I think you're probably setting all of you up to fail trying to get it done with them awake.

You are basically saying you want to do a full time job at home whilst watching two kids. It’s not feasible.

I think I find it more difficult because they don't nap at all during the day so it's not like I can find an extra 2-4 hours to work to myself :S I am considering a group for them for a few hours just to get on and I think it would be nice for them to play with other toddlers as they are very social too, it's just how much it costs for us.

I think expecting to do any kind of work or study with 14month old around is pretty unrealistic I'm sorry to say. You'll have to start doing it at their nap times or when they've gone to bed. There's no way I could've done this and that's with only one demanding baby to entertain!

If you need to be doung 35hrs a week you need to be putting them in some form of childcare for at least some of those hours.

There's a reason employers don't let you WFH and do childcare because its very hard to do and you get distracted.

I’d also say unless you’ve got a lot of childcare, a full time course will always be really hard. Are they in nursery while you’re in lectures? If so, can you extend for a few hours so you can do your study?

I can’t see how doing a full time degree with one year old twins and no childcare is fair on them, to be honest with you. Yes, it’s fine to sometimes put a baby in the cot because you’ve just reached the end of your tether, but if this is happening because the children aren’t getting adequate attention from you - because you are working - I think you need to rethink some stuff.

My DD can’t bear me being on a computer either.

It sounds like you need childcare, it's not fair on them for you to be studying while in some charge of toddlers. It's normal for them to need attention.

You can usually get a childcare grant.

I agree with a previous poster that it is completely unrealistic to expect to get any work done with one year old twins around. I have a 5 yo, and even now would never expect to be able to do more than an hour at most. 2, 3 and 4 year olds would be no better. Does your university not have a nursery? They are often subsidised for students. If not, you and your DP need to accept that you will be paying out in the short term for the longer term benefit of having your degree and improving your earning power.

Let your partner do the housework and you get on with your study whilst they sleep. Something has to give.

To be honest I’m just not sure that a full time
Degree and full time childcare really go together. I know SAHMs who manage to do bits and bobs of work while their children nap, but generally it’s pretty normal that while they are awake they are going to want our attention for much of that time. I think putting your child in their cot because their screaming and your are at the end of your tether is understandable, but if it’s so you can sit down and go on your laptop, that’s not ok.

You are basically saying you want to do a full time job at home whilst watching two kids. It’s not feasible.

Agreed.

Just seen your reply about them not napping. I'd invest heavily into trying to get them into a nap routine or as you suggested maybe nursery a few mornings a week, I think would make a big difference to you.

I agree with other posters, sounds like completely normal behaviour! My son has just turned 2 and he seems to play very happily on his own right up until the minute I start doing something. He hates me talking on the phone, reading anything or God forbid listening to MY music (aka not baby shark) or watching any tv that isn't for him. I've basically resigned myself to the fact that when he's awake and with me alone, I'm not going to get much done.
Not any advice to offer apart from massive kudos for doing your degree (the twins will be super proud of you one day!) And sod the cleaning. Prioritise the important stuff in life.

@thecatsthecats - that's what I've been doing recently, I clean up etc during the day because it is difficult to work and working at night which definitely does help a lot, my dp does look after them for me too for a couple of hours while i work upstairs. I am learning that they are just hard work and it will end at some point lol - wont stop me having more kids!

I don't even try to do more than a phone call for work if I am in charge of my daughter (nearly 20 months). I think your expectations are unrealistic.

This isn't really viable imo. You can't do 35 hours work for a degree with kids awake and underfoot.

You need to either do the majority while they are sleeping and get a cleaner to come and do the housework while you take the kids out to entertain them. Or you put the kids in nursery so you can work whole they are there. they sound like the need more stimulation than they currently get.

What is your DP doing to help? Does he do housework when he is home? Take over with kids when he gets back or on weekend so you can get on with your work? He needs to be doing.some of this!