to put my 1 year old twins in cots when I can't take it?

[spottytiger45445]

I have 14 month old twins which I absolutely adore. Every day I look forward to nothing but playing with them but recently they have become very hard to handle.

The eldest twin is vv clingy as in; I will play with her, she has lots of toys, I cuddle her a lot, she watches a bit of peppa pig, gets plenty of snacks but is never happy. An example can be she's fully fed, changed, given attention but I am currently in the middle of a degree, so I often do need to sit and use my laptop for work. She will pull at my clothes and whine very loudly and cry until I pick her up to put her on the sofa. After I feel like she's had enough on the sofa she will get down or I will put her down but immediately starts to scream again. This can happen from the minute she wakes up until she goes down to sleep so all day basically. I known the difference to when she needs a nap as I will put her down. I don't think it's teething purely because at night they will both sleep 12 hours and there are no other signs of teething apart from a tooth.

Now the 2nd twin is becoming like this and it's frustrating for DP and me because we do give them enough attention but feel like we're lacking somewhere. They can screech really loudly all day and we don't like to open our windows because it sounds terrible and the walls are thin too. It's not like a quite screech either it's a full on tantrum cry!!

In the end it gets a lot for us and we will time out the kids and put them upstairs until they calm down but is this unreasonable? Does anyone have any advice? It is just a phase.... right?!?!

@spottytiger45445 they're not being clingy, they're being toddlers

Close to Nonstop attention is the default, not an aberration. I couldn’t get anything done while DH was at work because dd just needed me constantly. She would scream and scream otherwise. She is now an independent 10 year old. In fact, when she went to school at 3, I worried, but she separated just fine. She needed that early attachment, but grew out of it at an age appropriate time.

I did occasional consulting work when she was 1. I mostly worked in the evenings. Daytime generally involved her napping on my lap (she only slept if touching me) while I tried to type quietly so I tried to only be checking e-mail and doing simple tasks during that time.

Is your partner at home full time?

I agree, you asked for advice on how to make the DC’s less clingy, but I’m not sure anyone can help with that, toddlers can just be like that.
So everyone’s looking at the things maybe that can be changed.

It s not going to get better they will demand attention for years. As is their right.
Get childcare
You cannot study while they are awake.
You will need to supervise even more so in few months they will climb out of cots etc and get into even more dangerous situations.
Get someone in to watch them a student if you still on site might be ok

And at 3 or four you need to be supervising closely . Tho they will get some hours at nursery by then

My twins are 3.5 now, and I also have a six month old, so I understand your situation. If your DP is not working, then he needs to be providing the childcare. Obviously it doesn’t need to be all day long, but maybe two two-hour chunks per day, you go upstairs and let him get on with it.

At that age, my twins were having a good two hour nap after lunch. We had a good nap routine from about five months onward, because it was key to my sanity, but I think you can still start it now. If I were you, I’d have some play time in the morning, then go out for a couple of hours, offer lunch around 11-ish (simply because they might get too tired to eat well after that) and then go for a nap around noon. Make sure the room is dark and use whatever you use for sleeping at night. We used white noise, dummies and muslins for comfort. If your DP is there you can each take one and settle them down. The first week will likely be difficult, but they will settle into the routine very quickly. After a couple of hours they get up, have a snack, play and then have dinner. If your DP took them out for two hours in the morning, you could have that time plus their nap time for your studies, and that would probably take the intensity of their clinginess away the rest of the time.

I'd put them in their cots with lots of toys and let them get on with it. They'll probs fall asleep anyway

You are fine putting them into their cot for a short time don't feel guilty or bad about that every parent needs to take a breather every now an again, they are not going to come to any harm when in their beds!

Hello
I have not read the whole thread, so apologies if this has been mentioned already. While the whole clingy thing is normal for this age, I think they sound overtired. At 14 months, they are supposed to have two extra naps in addition to their night-time sleep. Or at least one -- if they are really resisting. The total sleep time is meant to be about 14 hours. And you mentioned they are just getting 12?

I would try to do one early afternoon nap. Put them in the pushchair and walk around the block. Once they are asleep, go home and leave them in the pushchair. If it was chilly out, use blankets not coats so you can just remove extra layers for indoor temps.

If you can’t get the pushchair inside open, then find a spot to sit outside with them while they nap. Bring your study materials with you.

If they fall asleep in the buggy then get into a routine of lunch at (say) 11.30 followed by a long walk where they can sleep as long as they need in the buggy. I'd be aiming for at least 90 mins.

With a dp at home, can't you both agree to do shifts? So you stay home for those 90mins and he does the walks while you study. Then when he gets back you do the afternoon. He then does bath and bed while you study again somewhere else?

My one year old used to cry if i walked from one room to another without him. He had a very clingy phase, it did improve.
I think studying in 20 min bursts would be awfully hard. Doing this final year over two years would help so much in taking the pressure off you and would probably lead to a better grade as well.

No way could I have done that with them at 14months old. My two did nap for quite long periods of time at that age but I wasn't working from home when they were that age. I think they were about 3 or so when I used to sit at the table with the laptop whilst they had CBeebies or a dvd on for short periods of time.

• @Pinktinker it's not because my original post was referring to in GENERAL how to cope with the extra clingyness, I.e more activites to do. I added that yes I might be on my laptop but it's not nearly as much as you'd think. I'm on it for 20 minutes at the most then I turn my attention back to them, but this is for example 20 minutes every so often just so I am consistent. But I don't use it to the point I'm ignoring them?*

20 minutes is an eternity to a 1 year old. It is normal for 1 year olds to be clingy. Your kids may be extra clingy because you go on your laptop for these 20 minute stretches but the way you describe your kids sounds totally normal 1 year old stuff. I understand that it seems like a step back compared to a few months ago when they discovered being mobile and were happy trying to pull the fluff off the carpet without adult interaction but they are being totally normal.

Does your partner work full-time?

Huh. Of course you're not being unreasonable to put them in their cot for a bit. As long as they're safe, they're fine. No, you do not need to entertain them every hour of the day - they have each other for that. Well done on doing your degree as well!

Completely understand op. I used to catch up on my work when ds napped for 2 hours at lunch time but at about 2 he dropped that nap and I missed that time so much. I haven't really found my stride since. My mind is so sluggish in the evening. He is nearly three now and basically I can't go on the computor at all now. Kids are all consuming when they are awake. At 3 your kuds will get the 15 free hours so make 100% use of that time! If you need more get dp/grandparents to take them out or you go to the library alone. I work in a university libarary. I became a reader for a small fee (don't attend the uni) and its my saviour!

The clinginess at that age is totally normal and I'd be worried if they didn't constantly want your attention!

You ANBU to put them in their cot for a few mins when you are at your wits end. Maybe if they are tired they will drop off..?

If they will only sleep in the car/pushchair can you get them to sleep, grab a coffee and catch up on half an hour study with while they nap?

The childcare grant isn't available to OU students unfortunately. Could you go PT or transfer to a brick uni and put them I childcare using a childcare grant?

I used to incorporate the travel time as nap time into whatever activity I wanted to go to. All working out properly it worked dd would sleep before or after for a decent time. She wouldn’t sleep for me otherwise unless being held so buggy naps saved my sanity tbh. Especially during the really clingy phases.

I did find it was about the age of your dc’s that she really needed to get out and about more to be entertained.

I get you OP. As a mother of twins myself it’s hard when one is clingy and one not.
One of mine would nap the clingy one just wouldn’t.

I found before nap time I’d sit them in the high chair give them a snack and sippy cups. When done a walk in the buggy all weathers they would fall asleep together in a few minutes come back in and left the buggy in the kitchen. Made a cuppa for myself and went into the sitting room. They slept an hour or so then. They were similar ages when this clingy ness started with one. It lasted a few moths then boom gone.

Take heart when around two mine played great together and still love each other’s company.

Hat off to mums with triplets twins were full on.

It would be useful for context to know how much their dad is there with you?

But yeah- 20mins on your laptop, even once, let alone multiple times a day is too much.
They sound pretty normal to me! It probably feels like more because when one is entertained the other isn't so you don't even get those 10min breaks when they're happy playing alone (if that. My DD wasn't happy playing alone if I was there until she was 3. Fine with her dad or anyone else, but if I was there she wanted my attention)

Forgot to add well done on managing your degree while looking after them! It's hard but possible (I went back to work full time when mine turned 8 months, but worked from home, so was all very tricky). It will get better they will discover each other soon enough. Right now, they can turn a Duplo block into a weapon if you turn away for one second. So you are doing an amazing job! It sounds like you have a lovely partner, who is really helping and you have family members too. I think I aged 10 years in the first two years of having twins. Good luck!

And don't listen to the negative comments here (I am shocked!) -- very few people will get what being a multiples parent means. Plus not everybody has the luxury of having their partner provide for them, so you juggle as you see fit. Two full time jobs is hard but doable.

And it's totally normal to be driven bonkers by the clinginess -- so you do what you need to, to compose yourself. They are safe and you are getting some head space. Have you signed up to Tamba? They'll be a good source of information.

@spottytiger45445 my son is 2 and very clingy. I'm also a SAHM and it can be VERY wearying when I can't leave the room without him screaming and following me. I'm pretty sure it's normal though and I am starting to see small improvements in his behaviour when we're out and about. A lot of the time I think he's just at it!

I can't imagine factoring in studying too. I can barely boil the kettle without a riot! Is there no way you could postpone until they're eligible for free hours childcare? I can't imagine the stress!

Pretty much all toddlers are clingy sometimes. And it can be stressful to deal with. When my toddler is being overly whiny and it’s stressing me out it’s usually because they are tired or hungry. They have never napped well in their cot
during the day so we go out for a nice long walk every nap time. I find that if I put a white noise app on my phone after they have fallen asleep, I can go back home and they will stay asleep
In their pushchair while I have a cup of tea. I have friends who used to go for a drive every night just to get their baby to sleep.
Your kids are so young and really need to nap, so I think that really needs to be your focus.