to put my 1 year old twins in cots when I can't take it?

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I have 14 month old twins which I absolutely adore. Every day I look forward to nothing but playing with them but recently they have become very hard to handle.

The eldest twin is vv clingy as in; I will play with her, she has lots of toys, I cuddle her a lot, she watches a bit of peppa pig, gets plenty of snacks but is never happy. An example can be she's fully fed, changed, given attention but I am currently in the middle of a degree, so I often do need to sit and use my laptop for work. She will pull at my clothes and whine very loudly and cry until I pick her up to put her on the sofa. After I feel like she's had enough on the sofa she will get down or I will put her down but immediately starts to scream again. This can happen from the minute she wakes up until she goes down to sleep so all day basically. I known the difference to when she needs a nap as I will put her down. I don't think it's teething purely because at night they will both sleep 12 hours and there are no other signs of teething apart from a tooth.

Now the 2nd twin is becoming like this and it's frustrating for DP and me because we do give them enough attention but feel like we're lacking somewhere. They can screech really loudly all day and we don't like to open our windows because it sounds terrible and the walls are thin too. It's not like a quite screech either it's a full on tantrum cry!!

In the end it gets a lot for us and we will time out the kids and put them upstairs until they calm down but is this unreasonable? Does anyone have any advice? It is just a phase.... right?!?!

I had twins - children 4 and 5.

I always say to parents when things get too much (and they get too much for just about every parent in the l and) the best thing you can do is put the children down somewhere safely and go elsewhere just to calm down a bit. So yes putting them in the cots for a bit is absolutely fine. I wouldnt' do it for very long but it's fine for a bit.

Um. I hate to say it but this is totally normal and doesn't get a lot better for a number of years... I remember playfighting with my younger brother everytime my mum was on the phone even when I was 6+ to get her attention, and my DSS who's 5 really struggles not to have my attention for longer than 30/60 minutes if I'm in the same room... I WFH only when my partner is around and have to go to our bedroom to do it (no other rooms) as if he can see me he wants to be chatting/playing/involved in some way unless fully absorbed in lunch/dinner/outside playing...

A playpen saved my sanity when mine were this age. A few toys in with them and cartoon on the TV

This doesn't sound feasible unless you are prepared to study intensively at night after they are asleep.

If you really cannot afford a day or two paid care for them, can you look at deferring your course or going part time until they qualify for free nursery places?

I dont want to make you feel bad but what you're doing sounds impossible and doomed to failure.
You can't have a full time job (which is effectively what you're trying to do) with one 14month old, let alone 2.
It's perfectly normal for them to want your attention. It's how they learn and develop.
They want to be with their favourite person who is right there in front of them. Putting them in their cots as some kind of punishment because they don't self- entertain is cruel and unfair.

If I were you I would be looking to either
Move to a PT course you can complete when they've gone to bed.
Get childcare

Trying as you're going now is going to mean you do a half arse job at both.

Oh and time out doesn't work /isn't designed for a 14month old. They just don't understand it.

I've had twins, going back to work when they were 1 year old was a break for me.
At that age they just aren't able to occupy themselves for long stretches, certainly not long enough for you to do a full time degree during the day.
You could look to get a mother's help as you would be in the house it would be cheaper than a nursery or cm.

To clarify it is an open uni degree I've been doing since falling pregnant because I felt it would be best at the time, so unfortunately I don't think they would offer any sort of childcare because it's distance learning - not sure I'd have to look. The reason I've continued my studies is because I only have a year left, if only.

And no, I don't put them in their cot because I want to work, it's only when they or one of them has been crying a lot and we've done everything to try and calm them down. I'm not THAT selfish.

My LG is 15 months old and sounds very similar to what yours are like and I do think it's normal for this age although still very difficult. Honestly I take my hat off to you I could not deal with two of my LG no way!!!! Personally I wouldn't put her in her cot for 'time out' she doesn't understand at this age what that even means. I think it's something we just have to roll with for now unfortunately. I try to take my LG out as much as possible I find she's a lot happier out and about as she is distracted more.

Do you have local college that does childcare training? The students often need placements. An extra pair of (free!) hands might allow you to get some housework done while the twins are awake so free up time for studying while asleep.

I have twins and in reality it would have been impossible to get anything done.

Do they nap?

And, yes, it’s ok to leave them crying for a few minutes, I remember doing it. A few minutes to collect your thoughts and cool down in order to cope with the rest of the day is fine. Many on mumsnet may tell you otherwise. Ignore it, mine are older now and perfectly happy, well adjusted kids. It’s a very testing time for your mental health.

I’m sorry i know it’s hard but you’re expecting far too much from your children, if you need some time then I think you need to think about childcare. One year olds can not entertain themselves for more than ten minutes. It’s not possible to study for 35 hours a week and look after one year old twins on your own. If it’s was easy everybody would do it, I’d love to study along side caring for my children.

In my opinion one year old is too young for ‘time out’ especially whenever they have done nothing wrong and just want attention.

Young children need adult attention when they are awake. The crying and fussing is their attempt to get these very real needs met. You could approach a local college that offers a childcare course to see if a student would like some work experience with your twins. Or they may have students who would like some paid babysitting work.

I’m in awe of you for trying this, it’s really hard to get anything done with toddler twins! The problem is you have to compromise with something, childcare, study, housework and sleep - there just aren’t enough hours in the day! Does your Uni have a crèche? You want the best results possible if you’re going to work this hard, but your DC’s need attention as well.
Sounds like childcare is the only answer, or pausing study until they’re in Nursery,

My DP does everything really, I mostly just do washing and cooking and we look after the kids equally. We also live up north and his family are in the south west, my family down south and my mum is abroad working!! I know........ none of this helps my situation lol. A play group a few hours for them isn't too selfish is it?

Hi,
I don't think it's realistic to study and look after one year olds. You need to source some childcare. Will you be entitled to child care when they turn two (I think this exists in some areas) - can you defer a year?

Putting them in their cots when they are crying or wanting attention sounds a bit like you are punishing them for normal behaviour to me. You say it is when you are at the end of your tether, which would be understandable, but you only feel that way because you are trying to study when you should be caring for them and because you can't you are getting frustrated.

There must be another way?

I found parenting two DC, one 7 to 9 and one new new born to 2, and housework/ admin a full time occupation.
From what I can remember from way back then, at the age yours are they really learn a lot. It’s full time when they’re awake just feeding their brains and stomachs. Then when they are asleep and you aren’t, it’s all the housework you can’t do with them about.
I had a baby sitter come to the house and I hid in the cellar to do an OU course! I tried to do it on the kitchen table but just couldn’t.
It does get better. Eventually.

14 month olds definitely need a nap- I'd work hugely on that firstly.

Aiming to work/study for 35 hours a week whilst looking after two babies is ridiculous. You need to either be looking after them or put them in childcare so you can study. Obviously you can't just sit on your laptop for hours and expect them to not whine for your attention.

I think you need childcare if you need to do degree work. Babies need pretty much constant attention at 14 months!!!

@SunniDay no, I definitely put them in their cots when we've given them everything and they still scream the house down just to keep ourselves calm which is fair I think. I know that they don't understand the concept of "you're being annoying" and I don't expect them to either.

Does anybody know if there are any child care schemes available for low income families as when I've looked myself it seems that both parents must be working otherwise why else would you need childcare? If not that's alright.

Does your dh work outside the home? I can’t see how realistic it is to study for a degree whilst taking care of 14 month old twins if you’re the only parent home all day.
You need even part time childcare, rather than randomly sticking them in their cots when they get too much for you.

Please read up on circle of security and attachment.
What may be happening is that your little one feels you detaching or not connecting or being there for them. Your attention is on something else. Even though in your eyes it's not for long but for them time isn't understood and they may have learnt that they loose you when you are on the computer.
They are trying to make a connection to you and the more they feel unconnected the more they come back and try.
It's a wider issue than thought that's really coming to light now. Our lives have been taken over by other stuff - work , study , technology etc. The thing that's been lost is the human connection.
Please pull back on studying and trying to do too much whilst they are awake apart from needed basics or put them in child care for a couple of hours.
They need your attention.

At 14 months they should probably still be having a nap during the day so getting them into that routine would be useful.

I agree with others who say you cant work on a laptop and look after 2 babies at the same time. They need to be taken out and about and kept busy not just sat there watching you on the laptop. It will only get harder as they get older and even more demanding of your attention and wanting to go out.

Every day I look forward to nothing but playing with them apart from 2-4 hours of work.

Could you change your hours to do the degree part time? Or find childcare for them to make it easier on you and also keep them entertained.

Yabu to put 14 month old babies in time out. They will have absolutely no clue why this has happened, just that their care givers have suddenly abandoned them. If they're clingy they need more attention not less.

Your babies are behaving like babies. No sorry, it is not ok to put them in the cot so you can study. They want your attention because you are their whole world, you can't get round that unfortunately.

I personally can't see it being a good idea to study full time with young children around for these reasons. Can you work out another way to study or defer the course?

Buy a playpen.