to put my 1 year old twins in cots when I can't take it?

[spottytiger45445]

I have 14 month old twins which I absolutely adore. Every day I look forward to nothing but playing with them but recently they have become very hard to handle.

The eldest twin is vv clingy as in; I will play with her, she has lots of toys, I cuddle her a lot, she watches a bit of peppa pig, gets plenty of snacks but is never happy. An example can be she's fully fed, changed, given attention but I am currently in the middle of a degree, so I often do need to sit and use my laptop for work. She will pull at my clothes and whine very loudly and cry until I pick her up to put her on the sofa. After I feel like she's had enough on the sofa she will get down or I will put her down but immediately starts to scream again. This can happen from the minute she wakes up until she goes down to sleep so all day basically. I known the difference to when she needs a nap as I will put her down. I don't think it's teething purely because at night they will both sleep 12 hours and there are no other signs of teething apart from a tooth.

Now the 2nd twin is becoming like this and it's frustrating for DP and me because we do give them enough attention but feel like we're lacking somewhere. They can screech really loudly all day and we don't like to open our windows because it sounds terrible and the walls are thin too. It's not like a quite screech either it's a full on tantrum cry!!

In the end it gets a lot for us and we will time out the kids and put them upstairs until they calm down but is this unreasonable? Does anyone have any advice? It is just a phase.... right?!?!

But yeah- 20mins on your laptop, even once, let alone multiple times a day is too much.

That’s overstating things a bit. If the children are happy and occupied, why would it matter?

@herculepoirot2 - don't you know that once you've become a mother, you must NEVER EVER EVER do anything for yourself?! You're like, the most neglectful mother EVER if you don't trip over your own legs pandering to your kids' every last whim, and heaven forbid that you do something other than looking at them with a beatific smile, even when they're happily occupied!

I don't get how you could concentrate while keeping toddlers entertained. I mean I can get away with some cleaning and food prep but have to keep talking or singing, I'd never be able to actually focus on work.

Yeah and then there is neglecting your kids trying to squeeze in the equivalent of a full time job whilst simultaneously trying to look after them, and should the babies have the sheer audacity to protest and cry for your attention and love, then one can label them clingy and somehow not normal.
Of course all babies should accommodate their parent fitting in 36 hours of coursework by playing in their cot alone for hours there are posts that sound deranged, actually devoid of all actual reality.
Op you can not do this, you are at least five years away from this moment without childcare. I suggest you focus on your children, and defer for a year. The degree will still be there in a few years, your babies certainly won’t be. Look after them well, focus on them, the crying will stop I guarantee you.

I think you need to go part time on your degree tbh. It's not fair on your babies an you'll run yourself down.

The clinginess is very normal. In terms if naps I think you need to properly wear them out, toddlers need a lot of exercise IME. So as soon as breakfast is over head out for a walk, find somewhere where it's safe for two young twins to walk (park, forest etc) and just let them go. They will probably then fall asleep on the way home. Then repeat after lunch. I spend barely any time at home with my toddler.

LaVieilleHarpie

I should know by now. 😂

I firstly want to say, good for you studying! All these mums saying it's terrible that your doing 35hours a week and have kids 🙄 god forbid a woman has ambition and children at the same time. I can understand what they are saying that it's difficult for kids to understand you are studying etc but I assume you're studying to get a better job/career? Which will give your kids more in the long run. I don't think a 10minute time out is unreasonable. If u keep holding them constantly they will rely on that. Maybe try and think of a way for them to play together, or do some group activities so that when u need to study they've had a good fill of doing stuff with you? They'll grow out if it as they are more and more able to be independent. Just stick it out mum, you're doing a great job.

In fact, I'm really happy with this post. Your case is similar to mine but you are luckier than me your twins do sleep for good 12hrs mine don't, even right from day one unless we back them my mum will carry one and I will back the other one,their sleeping time was always from 2am to 6am till around 5months plus and my Mum had to go back to Nigeria because we invited her and it was only for 6months.
As at 6month,it was still the same they won't sleep during the day and at night unless I sleep beside them,once I stood up like this they are awake.
Now they are 18months, they always want my attention they are too clingy but what I noticed was that if I engage them with something mostly messy play, they can still play for a while though am not doing anything currently. I was thinking maybe something is wrong or it's not normal for kids to be this way until I saw your post.
Though their sleeping pattern just changes a few days ago, they now sleep for about 1 to 3hrs during the day and about 8 to 10hrs at night.

Are they good sleepers? If you want to continue you are going to have to fit it in in the evenings, at nap time, and the weekends (get dp to take them out for the day)

DS is 3 and it's only recently i've been able to work at the laptop with him in the room...but even then it's max 1h at a time if I put on the thomas the tank engine movie for him. If he's just playing then there's frequent interruptions for a snack/a wee/mummy can you fix this bit of my car track etc.

Go out first thing, before they nap. Fresh air or a group will do them good. If they sleep on the return fine it will get them used to sleeping and depending on where you live you could roll the buggy into the house or shaded bit of garden. If they are awake on return then they may sleep after lunch. If not (and my kids were terrible sleepers for me) then you may need paid childcare.

Apologies I’ve not read the full thread, but as it’s summer holidays is it worth paying a local teenager a bit of money to come and entertain them for a couple of hours a day while you study on your laptop? Jobs for 14/15 year-olds are hard to find these days and it would be a cheaper alternative to a nursery.

I study too. But only part time. I wake up at 5am and do a couple of hours and my husband gives them breakfast and usually dresses them while I finish off then I usually do around 3 hours in the evenings. I might do another hour while one's
napping and in the evening I alternate doing 1.5 hours and 3 hours a night. On Sundays he takes them out so I can study for 3 or 4 hours then we clean the house together during nap time. It's the only way I can study. We could probably afford some childcare but then we wouldn't be able to save for a deposit. Just resign yourself to not studying while they're a awake. Before I go to bed I arrange a few activities for us to do together, like I get playdough out and prep the water table for tomorrow, pull out the megablocks and find a play group to go to so I'm not distracted, else we do nothing and they're more needy.

“Before I go to bed I arrange a few activities for us to do together, like I get playdough out and prep the water table for tomorrow, pull out the megablocks and find a play group to go to so I'm not distracted, else we do nothing and they're more needy.”

This is SUCH a good idea thanks @Steerpike. It’s so true that the gradually get more needy through the morning whilst you’re trying to get everyone together for the day.