My 8mo baby has been "uninvited" from an overseas wedding

[Skyblue81]

So, one of my oldest friends is getting married in September in Barcelona.

It's a "no kids" wedding but last year when I was still pregnant, she agreed I could bring the baby as she'd only be 8 months old at the time of the wedding. So I booked flights for me, husband and baby. Plus a baby friendly apartment in Barcelona for 5 days. Total spend in the region of £800 just on flights and accommodation.

Now, my husband's not coming as we don't have anyone to look after our older kids and the animals, so we decided it would be just me and the baby going.

My friend has tonight informed me that I now can't bring the baby!

Apparently they told another guest with a 6 month old that she can't bring her baby, so now I'm not allowed to either.

Obviously im not going without my baby - I've not left her overnight before, and I don't want to leave her with husband as he won't cope with all three kids, plus all our animals. We don't have any friends or family who could help either.

Am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off?! 🤯😡😠🤬 everything is booked and paid for ffs!!! So now I either lose my £800 or I go and sit in an apartment in Lisbon alone, when all I want to do is be with my baby.

I would be so pissed off! Have you told her you’ve already paid for flights and accommodation?

Lisbon or Barcelona? It's pants she's moved the goalposts, but also apparently has a reason.

I'd still go to Barcelona for the 5 days - sod the wedding - you were taking the baby before so you cans still take the baby

That is so rubbish of her. Is there anyway you could get a refund of any of the money? If not could you go and see the ceremony and then enjoy looking round Lisbon with your baby?

That's rubbish. Yanbu. Any chance you could go as a holiday? Is the place big enough for all your kids?

That's out of order 😠

Yanbu can you add your other children on and have a family holiday? I wouldn’t be going to the wedding that’s for sure

yanbu. Fair enough to not invite baby in the first place so you can decide whether to go or not. But to invite the baby then uninvite is absolutely awful.

This shows the problem with “making exceptions” at child free weddings.

I’d be checking your booking details if you’re going to be sitting pissed off in Lisbon for a wedding in Barcelona...!

That aside I’d be pissed off but not a lot you can do about it.. whichever city you’re heading for is lovely so I’d probably have a some time away with the 8 month old..

You have an apartment in Lisbon for a wedding in Barcelona??

YANBU. I would still go anyway although I have to admit that I am baffled why your husband couldn’t manage three children and animals by himself. I’m sure it would be stressful but it’s concerning if he couldn’t do it. What would happen if you ended up ill?

Oh dear why have you booked an apartment in Lisbon if the wedding is i Barcelona?

Have you told her that you have already paid for everything on the basis she had already said baby could come? Now that DH isn't going can he not look after baby and another friend/wedding guest share the apartment costs?

Obviously OP changed a detail to stop it being identifying and then forgot - doesn’t matter if it’s Lisbon or Barcelona, the bride has been fucking rude.

It is out of order for her to do that, but I would maybe just go and enjoy the peace - make the best if a bad situation. Can you ask if you can take a plus 1 instead of your DH and make a bit of a break of it with a pal? Seems such a shame to lose all that money. I'm sure your DH would cope for a few days.

Do you think the bride would ease up if you told her you're not coming if you can't take baby?

I'm guessing you've fudged a detail to make it less identifiable but forgotten to do it twice, but I'm still chuckling at the idea of booking a hotel in Lisbon because you're going to a wedding in Barcelona. That'd be one heck of a taxi fare back after the reception!

YANBU have you spoken to her and explained how you feel about leaving the baby on top of the financial commitment you've already made?

Are you close to her family too? If so perhaps have a quiet word with her mum and explain how torn you feel. They must be a great friend to spend that money to go to her wedding.

Sorry this has happened. Really sad and hard.

If she won't budge see if another friend wants to come for the cost of a name change on the tickets in exchange for a couple of hours babysitting.

Go to the ceremony then enjoy the rest of the trip with your other friend.

Obviously OP changed a detail to stop it being identifying and then forgot - doesn’t matter if it’s Lisbon or Barcelona, the bride has been fucking rude.

This

Well she owes you 800£ then

Just go on holiday.pay for flights for your other kids and make it a family break

She was obviously going out her way because you had no childcare but that situation has now changed. It's a child free wedding so taking baby would be absolute last resort which it now isn't.

Oh she is going to so regret this and feel bad when she has kids!

Why not take the whole family and then on the day of the wedding you go alone while the family do something fun?

starzig

Lots of people don’t want to leave an 8 month old baby, so her husband not going is irrelevant. “Childcare” is not a thing at that age for everyone, including OP.

I would message and ask if she knows anyone who still needs flights and accommodation... as you’re £800 down and no longer able to attend.