My 8mo baby has been "uninvited" from an overseas wedding

[Skyblue81]

So, one of my oldest friends is getting married in September in Barcelona.

It's a "no kids" wedding but last year when I was still pregnant, she agreed I could bring the baby as she'd only be 8 months old at the time of the wedding. So I booked flights for me, husband and baby. Plus a baby friendly apartment in Barcelona for 5 days. Total spend in the region of £800 just on flights and accommodation.

Now, my husband's not coming as we don't have anyone to look after our older kids and the animals, so we decided it would be just me and the baby going.

My friend has tonight informed me that I now can't bring the baby!

Apparently they told another guest with a 6 month old that she can't bring her baby, so now I'm not allowed to either.

Obviously im not going without my baby - I've not left her overnight before, and I don't want to leave her with husband as he won't cope with all three kids, plus all our animals. We don't have any friends or family who could help either.

Am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off?! 🤯😡😠🤬 everything is booked and paid for ffs!!! So now I either lose my £800 or I go and sit in an apartment in Lisbon alone, when all I want to do is be with my baby.

I'd send her an invoice for your costs, then book a family holiday you actually want to go on.

Its not great but to be honest, it's not her fault that your husband couldn't make it.

It's not about the husband though is it?? It's massively unreasonable and totally selfish of her. I was a bridesmaid to a friend who did exactly this to me. 6 years on and i have never ever felt the same way about her. Bridezilla at your peril, frankly .

I don't understand this child free wedding stuff. Do they do this anywhere else in Europe? Asian culture this is unheard off and African as far as I know.

I think the focus of weddings has shifted from being a family occasion where two families are brought together to a big party for loads of friends, and families being an afterthought. Maybe it is because people are older when they marry? Maybe there are more children to uninvite because friends already have children?

I got married 38 years ago, and it was a family occasion with a handful of friends. I was 22, and none of my friends were engaged, married or had children.

1stmonkey by your comments, OP shouldn't have gone by her friend's original invitation and should have waited until now, so close to the wedding, before booking anything? She'd have had a hard job getting accommodation, etc, so I dont blame OP at all for booking ahead.

I dont care if the bride was all excited, she told OP baby was invited and should not have changed the goal posts so late in the day (for a destination wedding).

Why are people so weird about having babies at weddings? Those that insist on this obviously don't have any babies of their own otherwise they'd realise that you can't just dump them for a wedding

I said upthread I did have babies at the wedding and it really affected the ceremony. I don’t know why you think it’s unreasonable for couples to want to avoid this. I have actually got my own baby and when she was tiny I declined a wedding, no hard feelings either side.

Of course some people can’t go without their baby. (Lots of people can’t get childcare for older children either). If you can’t go without the baby, absolutely fair enough and decline, but the name calling of brides (and it is only the brides who get criticised for this) as “narcissists” etc who don’t want to risk their ceremony being disrupted is really not on.

This thread isn’t about that. The OP isn’t complaining about her baby not being invited per se, but about the baby being invited then uninvited once she has incurred costs of attending.

@SuperSara Of course I’m not suggesting a scam. There are some policies which include ‘cancel for any reason’ cancellation cover. It’s unlikely that OP has one but it can’t hurt to find out.

Exactly what @MyOpinionIsValid said

@justthecrowsabdthebeef

Fair enough, and apologies for assuming.

It's just that it's so common to see people on MN recommending lying as the best course of action to get our own way, so I wasn't surprised to see insurance suggested as a possibility in this case.

Good choice to just go on holiday and not go to the wedding. Your friend is not a friend! However.... you need to have a serious think about your relationship with your husband if he can’t look after HIS children by himself. Can I ask why he can’t?

@MulticolourMophead not exactly. I do think it's a bit daft to book anything for a wedding until you have an official, written invitation. I think it's all a bit speculative and "subject to change" until that point.

I also think its a bit rich. OP had booked this for herself, her other half and her husband. She's changed her mind about husband attending and doesn't seem to have an issue with that. I don't see why "bridezilla" who has chosen a child free wedding is being unreasonable to think the father can't take care of his own child.
Yes, it's inconvenient for OP but hardly something to fall out with friends over.

Destination weddings need bookings well in advance of official invitations since these are often only sent out a couple of months before. There's no way I'd be trying to scrabble around to get accommodation abroad that close to a wedding, you'd struggle.

So, I think OP changing it to a family holiday is the right way to go.

@ReggaetonLente

Exactly the same has happened to us this summer. Friends Wedding in USA booked last year - excited messages sent from her on the birth of my baby just before xmas. Friend reported she was looking forward to her wedding being my Los 1st holiday. Invite arrived 2 months ago - only myself and husband invited

Luckily I hadn't booked flights as I was waiting for my husband to confirm his annual leave from work but we had booked a hotel.

It's so frustrating x

I'm amazed that no one gets not wanting to leave an 8mo! At that age, I would never have wanted to leave mine, even for one night.

In fact, my 8mo DS is front and centre in our own wedding photos and we still haven't had that honeymoon as I wanted to wait until he was a little older and then immediately got knocked up with DD (who was a clingy nightmare for about 3y before we managed even one night away).

They are now 8 and 9 - maybe we'll have a honeymoon for our 10y anniversary 😄

Sorry its happened to you too Quail. Maybe its the same couple!

Very similar it seems, at Christmas we were discussing how cute DD would look in her wedding outfit. We booked flights and hotels at considerable cost, they were involved in the selection, advised on timings and locations etc. Invitation comes in April and after some vagueness and dodging questions we're told DD isn't invited to any of the entire (3 day!!) celebration as 'it's not the vibe we're going for on our big weekend'. Its shitty because if I'm honest its not really the kind of holiday I'd take if I got to choose, and we're spending our savings on it (only get away every couple of years as it is).

It's all very well saying nothing should be booked until formal invitations received but when you're talking transatlantic flights, people need to book a fair way in advance to save on cost as much as possible. I got my wedding invitations out a year in advance as I knew people would be coming from Oz and needed the details.

1stmonkey either way the B&G make it very difficult for the OP to attend. Book early to make it affordable then have the goalposts moved making difficult choices necessary or leave it until invitations are received and find that the costs have escalated so it becomes unaffordable.

This mess is entirely the fault of the B&G. They chose a location that involved considerable extra expense for their guests. They can't have been unaware of the need to book early for the best deals. They should have stuck to the original decision and failing that offered to compensate guests for any financial losses that they face due to the changes.

"I'm amazed that no one gets not wanting to leave an 8mo!"

These babies will be on formula and have some excellent back up childcare, so they just won't get it.

"Artificial feeding"

I would be pissed off but if it my husband "can't cope" with his 3 children I would say that is the bigger issue

Any updates Op? X

Can’t you all go for a holiday?

Then you could pop into the wedding (if you fancied it) without the baby for a few hours.

Skipping the wedding and making it into a holiday sounds like the best option