My 8mo baby has been "uninvited" from an overseas wedding

[Skyblue81]

So, one of my oldest friends is getting married in September in Barcelona.

It's a "no kids" wedding but last year when I was still pregnant, she agreed I could bring the baby as she'd only be 8 months old at the time of the wedding. So I booked flights for me, husband and baby. Plus a baby friendly apartment in Barcelona for 5 days. Total spend in the region of £800 just on flights and accommodation.

Now, my husband's not coming as we don't have anyone to look after our older kids and the animals, so we decided it would be just me and the baby going.

My friend has tonight informed me that I now can't bring the baby!

Apparently they told another guest with a 6 month old that she can't bring her baby, so now I'm not allowed to either.

Obviously im not going without my baby - I've not left her overnight before, and I don't want to leave her with husband as he won't cope with all three kids, plus all our animals. We don't have any friends or family who could help either.

Am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off?! 🤯😡😠🤬 everything is booked and paid for ffs!!! So now I either lose my £800 or I go and sit in an apartment in Lisbon alone, when all I want to do is be with my baby.

strawberry Or you could just act like a grown up?

Don’t be pissed off, she doesn’t want to make a blanket rule and then people be annoyed with her for allowing you to bring your baby.... tell her you can’t come as you’ll miss your baby too much. It’s her wedding, yes it’s unfair, but don’t fall out about it. Take all the kids and DH and go stay in the apartment anyway... they can sleep on the couch pillows... enjoy a nice break all together and don’t bother with the wedding.

Of course weddings in Spain are legal!!!!!! What a strange thing to say. You receive a Spanish wedding certificate and voilà! If you want, you can get an official translation and lodge it with the registry office in the UK so future descendants can access it if they research family history.

she doesn’t want to make a blanket rule and then people be annoyed with her for allowing you to bring your baby

This is why I think the “babes in arms” exception is asking for trouble unless you know the maximum number of guests who might want to bring them and are happy to have them all. I agree it isn’t fair to make one rule for someone and another for someone else.

However the issue here is the revocation of the invitation. The bride should have thought of this before inviting OP’s baby, and having invited the baby she should honour it even if it means having other babies along.

Sorry - just saw that one of the couple isn't necessarily Spanish.

You don't have to pay for flights for babies! But yes obviously that is very annoying of your friend. Sounds like you pretty much can't go now. What a waste!

Could you possibly get tickets for the older kids and make it into a holiday? Skip the wedding but try make the best out of the situation. If not maybe sell your bookings and tickets if possible to claim some money back.

Yay just seen your outcome, sorry. Good decision!

Yes, take the older kids and have a great holiday. As you are not going to the wedding a token gift (to reflect your old friendship) will suffice ie: tea towels, coasters etc. You would also have spent a fair bit of money attending the wedding with transport, drinks, outfits so you can put this towards your holiday. Enjoy!

She's totally out of order to rescind the invitation, so I agree with the others that I'd book for the rest of your family and not go to the wedding but enjoy the holiday.

Her wedding, her choice? Well, fine, but to say one thing and then change her mind months later, when she must know that money's been spent and plans made? That's very rude and unreasonable, and I wouldn't consider her much of a friend after that kind of treatment.

It's not necessary to intentionally rub her face in it, but neither would I feel a need to "hide" the holiday from her. It was her choice, after all, that led to this situation.

I'd post as many photos as I wanted! If she sees them and asks, I'd be honest: We'd already booked tickets and a place to stay. I didn't want to leave my infant at home, yet couldn't bring her with me to the wedding. Besides, the tickets and accommodation would have gone to waste, so we decided to make a family affair out of it. Hope the wedding was wonderful; we certainly enjoyed our time in Spain!

Have you spoken to her to say how her decision has affected you?

I'm sorry but she's not really your friend.

I got married in October last year made sure my hen was local due to friends having young babies (cheap also for the same reason) and during the day I kept it small certain children in the day only 27 in the day including us and then everyone welcome on the night. We wanted to do an abroad wedding but due to the cost for everyone and other factors we didn't.
She's being inconsiderate knowing you've paid etc.

Anyway you can turn it into a holiday?

Absolutely outrageous cuntery from your friend. Have you decided you'll go to the wedding alone if DH is in Lisbon/Barcelona or are you sacking off the wedding in principle?

Instead of a wedding present I would want to send her an invoice for your flights and accommodation for the wedding you didn't go to.

I know it's childish, but I would probably tell her at the eleventh hour that you aren't going.

What did you say when she said? I would have said something about it bring ‘too bloody late love’ before I’d realised what I was saying.

Do not get talked into going to the wedding or meeting up. She has forced you into an expensive family holiday so don’t inconvenience yourself for her for one minute. Just decline the invite and keep your plans to yourself.

I would still go on the holiday, but miss the wedding.

All of you go for a holiday and shove two fingers up at your ex friend's wedding. Enjoy Lisbon as a family these bridezillas end up divorced within a few years anyway so save your money on a gift!

YANBU. Fair enough to have a child free wedding but to uninvite your baby after you'd paid for flights etc is awful.

Presumably she told the other friend before she booked her tickets?

Personally I would find it unforgivable.

I’d be totally upfront with her that a friendship jeopardising move, and that you won’t be going. And then have a great time in Barcelona/wherever with the family.

I would find this unforgivable. Do not go to that wedding, just let her know that she's wasted your £800 by changing these arrangements after you've booked, and that you wish her and her husband the best on their wedding day. Then stop contacting her and just book your holiday with your family. I wouldn't even let her know that you will be in the same city.

She's not your friend. Send that text and then don't give her another thought. Enjoy Paris/Berlin with your family!

Just who are the people who decide to have a weddin all that distance away who must relaise that it costs a lot of money to get there and then move the goal posts at the last miniute?.

Can undertstand why your fuming OP!

Business operetunioty here perhsosd a unwanted hoilliday clearance system of sorts where you can trade your unwanted tickets with others ie swap or sell. Course the travel people will object but if they find someone else can do that they'll follow the lead.

Might be popular with the insurers and the like too?.

I think you've made the right choice.

I would be sending a message to say "Due to dbaby being uninvited I'm afraid I will not be able to attend. I really do wish you'd been upfront about this from the beginning as we have lost £800 for our flights and accommodation." Then leave it.

I think turning it into a family holiday is a great idea.
My DH also would not be able to cope with all our kids so I sympathise on that.