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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My 8mo baby has been "uninvited" from an overseas wedding

165 replies

Skyblue81 · 17/07/2019 19:47

So, one of my oldest friends is getting married in September in Barcelona.

It's a "no kids" wedding but last year when I was still pregnant, she agreed I could bring the baby as she'd only be 8 months old at the time of the wedding. So I booked flights for me, husband and baby. Plus a baby friendly apartment in Barcelona for 5 days. Total spend in the region of £800 just on flights and accommodation.

Now, my husband's not coming as we don't have anyone to look after our older kids and the animals, so we decided it would be just me and the baby going.

My friend has tonight informed me that I now can't bring the baby!

Apparently they told another guest with a 6 month old that she can't bring her baby, so now I'm not allowed to either.

Obviously im not going without my baby - I've not left her overnight before, and I don't want to leave her with husband as he won't cope with all three kids, plus all our animals. We don't have any friends or family who could help either.

Am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off?! 🤯😡😠🤬 everything is booked and paid for ffs!!! So now I either lose my £800 or I go and sit in an apartment in Lisbon alone, when all I want to do is be with my baby.

OP posts:

NoLeopard · 09/08/2019 12:17

The wedding's not until September so possibly a whole month for dh to 'learn' to cope with 3 children plus animals. Go on your own and have a ball.

SunshineCake · 09/08/2019 12:20

Did you get insurance ?

I think she's out of order and this will be a defining moment in your friendship.

HappyParent2000 · 09/08/2019 12:24

YANBU But talk to your parent rather than assume they cannot cope.

Thehop · 09/08/2019 12:28

What did you decide to do OP?

edgeofheaven · 09/08/2019 12:29

Someone in my office was planning a big destination wedding and a few weeks beforehand was loudly complaining that her soon to be BIL was insisting in bringing his 5 month old nursing baby even though they’d declared it a “child free wedding.” She said now she was wasting time trying to sort babysitting at the hotel and it was so stressful.

I thought “You’re going to feel like a fucking fool looking back on this if you ever have children.”

It’s one thing to want a child free wedding but having an awful attitude about it and expecting people to drop their infants where exactly? Just to toast you and your pretty dress? Have a heart!

OP this would be a friendship watershed honestly. She’s treating you horribly.

Wexone · 09/08/2019 12:38

Just don't go and make it a big holiday instead. If your friend asks why by polite and say the full reason why but be prepared for tears etc and a change in your friendship. Yes it was wrong of her to change her min but it has happened. To all the people though who are saying they don't understand why children are not invited, I got married last year and there were no children invited. Completely no. I ma not maternal at all, I tolerate children and my friends children however I did not want them at my wedding. I don't think its at all appropriate. Please do not get offended by what people want. When I go on holidays I specifically go to adult only places. That's just who I am and is how I like to live. Yes my friendships have changed as friends have had babies, their priorities have changed but that is life and I get on with it. Still stay friends with them though and they know I am not maternal at all. When I was younger myself and my siblings were never invited to weddings and there was never a problem with babysitters. p

edgeofheaven · 09/08/2019 12:46

When I was younger myself and my siblings were never invited to weddings and there was never a problem with babysitters.

If you remember it then you weren’t an infant.

tigger001 · 09/08/2019 12:48

Yep you are definitely right in your decision OP just go and turn it a family holiday, pop in to the wedding if you fancy and then have a lovely time with all the family.

NoSauce · 09/08/2019 12:50

Barcelona/ Lisbon/ doesn't really matter the point is it's an "abroad" wedding that involves flights, non-refundable bookings and a hell of a lot of expense

It doesn’t really matter but it’s weird that you would change the location.

MindyStClaire · 09/08/2019 13:24

It doesn’t really matter but it’s weird that you would change the location.

No it isn't, people change small details all the time to make their posts less recognisable, it's a sensible thing to do. Age/number/sex of children, location etc are easy things. I presume OP just slipped up.

NoSauce · 09/08/2019 13:26

Yes you’re right, I’d not thought of that!

Wexone · 09/08/2019 13:32

My parents tell me, they remember

Wexone · 09/08/2019 13:33

@edgeofheaven my parents tell me and they remember !

Beesandcheese · 09/08/2019 13:43

Someone uninviting a child is basically univiting the adult (s) because everyone knows young babies stick with their primary carer. Of course op wouldn't want to go. They've just got the finger from someone they thought was a friend.

Vasya · 09/08/2019 13:53

If you're changing it so you all go on holiday as a family, could you still attend? That way you would just be leaving your blatantly useless husband for a few hours instead of a few days?

Only if you want to, obviously. If you're annoyed enough that you don't want to go at all then that's different!

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