My 8mo baby has been "uninvited" from an overseas wedding

[Skyblue81]

So, one of my oldest friends is getting married in September in Barcelona.

It's a "no kids" wedding but last year when I was still pregnant, she agreed I could bring the baby as she'd only be 8 months old at the time of the wedding. So I booked flights for me, husband and baby. Plus a baby friendly apartment in Barcelona for 5 days. Total spend in the region of £800 just on flights and accommodation.

Now, my husband's not coming as we don't have anyone to look after our older kids and the animals, so we decided it would be just me and the baby going.

My friend has tonight informed me that I now can't bring the baby!

Apparently they told another guest with a 6 month old that she can't bring her baby, so now I'm not allowed to either.

Obviously im not going without my baby - I've not left her overnight before, and I don't want to leave her with husband as he won't cope with all three kids, plus all our animals. We don't have any friends or family who could help either.

Am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off?! 🤯😡😠🤬 everything is booked and paid for ffs!!! So now I either lose my £800 or I go and sit in an apartment in Lisbon alone, when all I want to do is be with my baby.

@justthecrowsandthebeef

Travel insurance?

How do you think that would help in this scenario?

Unless you were going to propose some sort of scam, which wouldn't be that unusual going by some other threads on here.

Take the kids and have a holiday.

A. Still go to barcelona (and not weddinand have a holiday
B. Leave baby with dp. (He will be fine with 3 kids. Heck we all do it!!) and go to wedding
C. Cancel trip. Lose money
D. Tell "friend" either you both come or none at all
E. Just show up. With baby.
F cancel flight . Cancel going to wedding. Cancel friendship.

That's great, delighted you can bring the rest of the kids. Enjoy!

Oh and I would definitely make sure she's knows that her changing her mind could have cost you a lot of money! Bang out of order.

Glad you’ve decided to take a holiday with your family instead. Your friend should become an ex friend for this.

In your position OP, I'd be bloody raging and I wouldn't hold back about telling her what a c* she's been. However, if you are able to book for the whole family and have a little break away abroad, go for it! You'll hopefully have a belting time. And I wouldn't bother with your so called "friend" again. Honestly, are some people unable to engage their brains on the run up to getting married? Seriously, I managed to plan the whole of mine on my own without a hitch, without pissing anyone off.

Take your entire family and pets to the wedding, in fancy dress.
Too far?

YANBU. Tell her you simply cannot come without the baby. You can't leave the baby at home and have made expensive plans based on being able to bring her. You will be careful to make sure she does not disrupt anything, but you want to be there to see your friend married.

Childless friends do NOT get it. I gave my friends and family with little ones the option and even my friend with a three month old found a way to come without baby (GP parked in hotel nearby with baby). My own toddler came to the ceremony and the cocktails and then was whisked off home by a babysitter before the dinner. Other people left theirs at home with grandparents or sitters. The point is that the nice thing to do is to leave it up to the parents whether to bring them or not, based on the circumstances in their own families. She should give her other friend with a baby the same courtesy too. A babe in arms is no trouble anyway. It's the toddlers and preschoolers who really make their presence known at an event....

@Skyblue81 you're friend is definitely the dick not you.

Love your back up plan, now book those tickets and get the kids some inflatables off Amazon....... partaaaay!

Can you cope with all the kids and pets alone? Go, relax and sightsee, you might never have an opportunity like this for a very long time. Even cut it down to three days. Oh and you can face time the family.

If your husband is no longer coming, surely you’ve lost a lot of money already? Especially since babies travel free on planes.

Also - obviously I don’t know your circumstances but it’s hard not to go 🙄 at the idea your husband couldn’t cope with his own children and your pets for such a short amount of time.

Maybe the friend lives in Spain? DH's (English) cousin is married to a Spaniard and lives there.

No kids wedding is absolutely fine, as long as the couple understand that people traveling and staying overnight somewhere may not be able to attend.

However to agree a baby can come or any child or partner etc of any age and then change their mind after you have already booked travel and accommodation is rude and wrong. I’m glad you’re hoping to make a trip out of it for your family instead. Have fun!

Go to ceremony then enjoy holiday with 8mo! Friend is rude and inconsiderate.

Did tell her this when she told you:

i am royally pissed off. 🤯😡😠🤬 everything is booked and paid for ffs!!! So now I either lose my £800 or I go and sit in an apartment in Lisbon alone, when all I want to do is be with my baby

Lots of vitriol for the bride here! YANBU to feel pissed off but completely U to think it is the brides problem.
A year ago while her wedding was still being planned and she was excited about her dream day she said it would be fine to bring a baby (probably through excitement, politeness, wanting you to be happy). Now when it's a reality and she's considered how she actually wants her wedding day to be, she's chosen not to invite children.
You can feel bitter about it but ultimately it was your choice to book things so far in advance so your choice to take the risk of things changing.
I think its a bit unreasonable to state that your child has been disinvited when he/she wasn't even born when the conversation first happened.
Its a child free wedding. You either go without your child. Or you don't go.

I think you just need to explain the costs involved to your friend and tell her you either come with baby or you carry out plan B and have holiday with older kids and DH.
Give the bride the choice and remind her that she had agreed before you booked.
I suspect it will be option B - family fun - enjoy and DONT be tempted to slip along to the wedding for an hour or two - she shouldn’t reap that reward as she has been VU.

Honestly I can't understand these overseas weddings where guests are expected for fork out for flights and accommodation; then there is the dress you have to buy and presents, time off work etc. If a bride wants an exotic wedding, well it should be just her and future hubby and very close family. I am originally from New Zealand and it just blows me away how much people spend on a wedding here and how much people spend going to one. I think the English have lost the plot on what a wedding is about! Sorry; for me it looks all show no substance. I know I will get negative free back.

@juleswatford

I agree completely, but then again we had 8 people to a registry office and then a curry. There always seems to be one or two AIBUs cropping up about upset over weddings. Seriously don’t know why normal people spend a years salary on them, or expect people to spend their annual leave/money for a party. I don’t mind travelling for family who live elsewhere in the world but when it’s somewhere random it’s always a no from us - we like to choose where we holiday ourselves!

She’s not your friend OP. Turn it into a holiday if you can’t get enough of a refund, and don’t bother going to the wedding.

Destination weddings and child free weddings are both incredibly self absorbed and selfish IMO. On top of that, making unreasonable last minute changes and demands on you is unacceptable.

Forget her, and forget your friendship. She sounds too much like hard work and too untrustworthy.

Why are people so weird about having babies at weddings? Those that insist on this obviously don't have any babies of their own otherwise they'd realise that you can't just dump them for a wedding!

I had 5 babies under the age of 1 at my wedding. My MIL threw a strop when she discovered this (I assume she thought they'd "ruin the day") but they were either nieces or nephews or children of very close friends so I put my foot down.

They were all fine. The mums were very good and took them out of the church if they started to be too noisy (they actually weren't ) and it was lovely to have them there.

Because they are narcissistic, self absorbed bridezillas who hate the idea of not being the centre of attention for one nanosecond if their wedding day

Ccan she arrange childcare for the day for the two uninvited babies?

I understand people have the right to do whatever they want on their wedding day , however weddings used to be a massive family affair. Now I read so many things about people not wanting children at their weddings. This must make things really difficult for parents. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to go to a friends wedding if I couldn’t take my children, especially if it was in another country.