Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

No.

That’s a bit grim.

He can at least go home and have a shower and smarten up.

Lack of effort right there.

YANBU. That would put me off too. If he can't be bothered to make an effort at this early exciting stage, imagine what he'd be like if you became more serious? You're worth better than this.

How far is work from home? After a 12 hr shift to head home wash, then head back out would be a pain.

I think you're being a bit precious. Unless he has a job where he gets absolutely filthy and he has bad breath. But if you don't like that he wants to see you as soon as he's finished work (which surely is a compliment that he's so keen to see you), ask to meet him a bit later.

Does he smell or look dirty?

Are you joking Stamz? If turning up clean and tidy is too much of a pain, then maybe don't go on the date.

If it’s a bit of a pain to go and get changed and freshen up after working 12 hours then arrange a date for when he hasn’t just done a long shift.

What does he do?
If he's a plumber/ mechanic, then seriously, he should shower.

If he's an office worker, then probably ok

Around 20 mins to his house, then we’re half an hour apart. But when I’ve suggested making our dates later in the evening to give him time to go home first and shower/eat ( divorced and lives with his dad), he just works later (self employed) and finishes just before meeting me. He always apologises for not looking his best as he’s come straight from work but it is putting me right off. Other than that he’s a lovely genuine bloke.

Not much help (sorry) but that reminds me of a straight-from-work date I went on with my now-DH once; we'd only been dating a few weeks. I'd made an effort with my clothes, redone my make-up etc. He turned up in his scraggiest polo shirt (he didn't need to look smart for work). I was most unimpressed and told him so. Amazingly, being pulled up for scruffiness didn't bother him - he took my point and always wore a smart shirt after that!

The least your date could do is take a change of clothes to work and clean his teeth. Would you feel comfortable just talking to him about it? In a nice 'I know you're short of time but it bothers me that...'

Are you joking Stamz?
No, if he lives a bit away it's adding a lot of extra time to a long day.

It’s not physically active , delivery man, but I think to be intimate after working that length of time sitting driving a hot van isn’t the best.

What time does he finish and what time do you meet? Does he go straight from work to meet you? Does he have time to go home and shower before meeting you or would that mean you met up really late?

Me and dh had our first date straight from working a 12 hour shift (we worked together) and would regularly go out for dinner/drinks straight after work, I'd still be in my uniform. If we went home first to doll ourselves up we wouldn't have met up until really late and we wanted to spend as much time as we could together. If you are going to end up in bed together he can just have a quick shower first, that's what we did.

I don’t think he’s coming straight fr work because he’s too desperate to see me to go home first, I think he just doesn’t want to go home and come out again. But he hasn’t even changed his clothes ffs

No he doesn’t look dirty. But I don’t fancy playing with a sweaty 12 hour sitting down cock that hasn’t been showered.

Cut your losses, op. I wouldn't be that impressed, either.

Sounds like he's doing his best to prioritise a lot (work, kids (presumably financially too) and time for you).

When he isn’t working first, he has his two kids. He always arranges it for after work. And works weekends when his kids are with their mum.

Where do you meet up? Your city or his?

If he works 20 minutes away then you're half an hour apart and he's doing all the travelling I can see why he doesn't bother, sounds exhausting after a 12 hour shift.

20 minutes to drive home isn't far. Most people wouldn't think that was too much, and most men would make the effort to smarten up.

You've tried the tactful suggestion that he might go home to freshen up, and he hasn't done anything about it - just works longer ! Sorry but I'd be calling it quits. A guy who thinks 12 hours sitting in a delivery van, is a good preparation for a date, is lacking in the care department.

We meet around 8 when he finishes. If I make it later, he works later or will turn up early at wherever we’re meeting and wait. He doesn’t use the time to go home and tart himself up a little

We usually meet halfway.

He may be just a bit clueless.
If he is ticks all your other boxes then I would just make sure when there were showering facilities nearby before any action. :-)

“No he doesn’t look dirty. But I don’t fancy playing with a sweaty 12 hour sitting down cock that hasn’t been showered”

OP you’ve only had 3 dates!

What do you actually do on these dates? Is he wearing a DHL shirt or similar? Living with his dad sounds a bit smeggy anyway? Doed he make an effort to take you anywhere nice? He could brush his teeth at least in the van.

I agree with a pp, you should meet closer to his house to give him a chance.