Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

OP you just aren't that into him are you?

Be honest don't force it.

I doing think not wanting to go home and shower after a very long shift before going out automatically screams adulterer.

Which is why people have asked if it's possible.

Jesus Christ give the man a break (and I don't say things like this often), if this was a woman doing all this then the answers would be different.

The fact that he is 50/50 parenting and working all hours to, I assume, pay for his children is surely a good thing. And all you're worried about is a shower?

Give the guy a break and dump him

He could do better than you .

Poor sod .

DH and I lived quite far apart at the start and he would often leave straight from a long shift to come and see me. He never stunk and I couldn't wait to see and touch him.

Doesn't sound like you are very attracted to the guy OP.

The sweaty cock touching thing has put me off my coco pops.

Why is a man who has his kids 50% of the time and works hailed as a hero?
Genuine question.
Seriously would a woman be hailed a hero? I doubt it.
He sounds a screb.
He wouldn't be for me.

He sounds a screb.

Qu'est-ce que c'est? 🧐

Give up on a potentially great guy because he works hard, spends loads of time with his DC and is really keen to see you? Really? Get over yourself!

Why don't you say to him "Let's make it 40 mins later; give you a chance to go home and freshen up."

Alternatively, if you feel awkward phrasing it like that say "If you go home first to shower and change, I'll be more likely to play with your cock."

Either could work.

Have you kissed him yet? If you haven't you don't really know if there is an issue because he hasn't brushed his teeth unless you can smell his bad breath just from talking to him.

He does sound like a nice man. He has a lot going on and is juggling a lot of plates. Is that something you can deal with? This is going to be an ongoing issue - he'll find it difficult to find a lot of time for you and suppose you were to live together, he'd be out doing very long shifts, come in late and may or may not shower - and by the time all of that has happened it may often be too late to go out.
I had an ex like this - similar issues with job - he used to come in very late after long shifts - he'd grab some food and then go and get a shower and by the time he'd done all that he'd fall asleep.

I think you just don't really fancy this bloke. If you did you'd be thinking about it differently. If it's going to be a long-term thing you really do need to fancy him in his work clothes as well as nice clothes.
But you also need more time to get to know him because maybe personal hygiene isn't important to him.

For the date on Sunday, offer to let him shower at yours and suggest he brings fresh clothes to change into. His response to that will tell you what you need to know.

Actually, driving long hours can make you very sweaty, particularly at this time of year. I drove for a couple of hours yesterday and couldn't wait to get changed afterwards, the back of my shirt was soaked in sweat and my bum...well, you don't want to know.

I wouldn't want to 'know' a bloke who'd spent fourteen hours sitting with a sweaty crack either. He could at least change his clothes in the back of his van! If he's rocking up in his work clothes, it implies that he's a bit lacking in the 'socially aware' stakes (either can't smell himself, or doesn't care that he might pong a bit), or he's giving his pits a quick Lynxing (also offputting, aware that he smells but thinks he can just 'cover it up' and she'll shag him anyway).

Why couldn't he just change his shirt, at least? He might work hard (most people work hard), and it sounds like he's not seeing his kids on these days, so it shouldn't limit his ability to be clean and/or tidy.

It has only been 3 dates, presumably in public places...you don't need to get intimate.

So he looks after his kids, works hard but doesn't want to potentially add an hour or so onto his already long day and is a nice, genuine guy ??

Do the bloke a favour and suggest he finds somebody else.

12hr shifts, pulling his weight with kids AND making actual time for you is fairly impressive. If his van has air con, he's actually going to have been in a nice cool environment all day! For dating, more time spent chatting than waiting for him to get home and back again is a plus - presumably if u get down to it, he would shower first. If he WONT, thats when i'd be binning.

Don't think he's be hailed a hero Eustasiavye. Just that because he's working long shifts and has 50/50 care it means he hasn't much spare time. He is trying (misguidedly it seems) to use as much of that spare time seeing the OP.

Youre right, i don't think a woman in the same situation would be seen as a hero. She probably wouldn't be seen as a screb either.

Why should op move the dates closer to an adult man’s house just so he can go home and shower first?! Fucking hell, he’s a grown man, he should be able to work and go home and shower, it’s a very basic concept.

When I work 12h days I don’t much feel like going home, showering and heading back out.

I might meet a friend for dinner near work but I wouldn’t be going home and back out!

You are dating, this is putting you off, you have suggested a change, he won't make it, this guy isn't for you.

@allthetimeintheworldapparently what do you think he will be like further down the line? If he's using excuses now and this is the early days?
My dp comes of shift still cleans from the start to now.
Even when he's having a lazy day he says sorry because he wants to look his best for me ( not that I mine, I look well ruff in the mornings)
You bloke needs to at least behaving a whore bath or i wouldn't be going near that either.

When I work 12h days I don’t much feel like going home, showering and heading back out.

I might meet a friend for dinner near work but I wouldn’t be going home and back out!

Even for a date where you are supposed to be trying to impress?

Sounds gross... and for pp's suggesting it might be 'precious' - I value my time/make an effort for others/have minimum standards that I'm comfortable with in other people. If it was an avoidable one-off that's different but it wouldn't be possible for ANYONE to be remotely 'fresh' after a 12 hour shift - and as for intimacy

Before dh I was dating a guy who did this. He was an IT tech and would do 12 hour shifts and then come straight to see me. In fact, I don’t think I ever saw him in anything other than his uniform! When he came straight after the night shift, where he’d fall asleep on and off during the night, he wouldn’t even brush his teeth and his breath smelt bad. I ended it after a couple of weeks

Violetroselily - and they say romance is dead

I should have said this before but is it possible that he's not up for getting intimate yet.? He might just want to get to know you before taking things further.

Perhaps he gives his knob a wash in the sink before he meets you

I think he should kill two birds with one stone and invest in a catering pack of Listerine. He can swill out his mouth and then dip his cock in a bowlful to give it a delightfully fresh minty flavour for when the OP has a go on it later.

Maybe he is feeling down on himself, but talk to him and have that conversation (gently) surely he would feel the same if you did it to him ?