Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

I’m with you, I’m not sure why some others are giving you a hard time. If he can’t be arsed to clean himself up and make an effort for a date (especially this early in the game) I’d be binning him

If you can, talk to him... most reasonable folks would understand and if not, he's not the man for you.

YANBU in my opinion.

I agree with the others, if he's not making the effort now, you've no hope for the future.

It's not precious to want your date to be clean and to like you enough to make the effort. We all have our limits and he is exceeding yours.

Can't you just ask him to freshen up if the date becomes intimate? Just be honest and say you prefer things fresh... or say you have a strong gag reflex or something.

I would have no problem going on dates with hubby after work in work clothes, but he usually washes his bits before we do the deed.

Sounds like he doesn’t want his Dad to know he’s going on a date!!

You're not being "precious."

But you're being a bit silly bc what you want is IMPORTANT!!!!

For goodness sakes! If you want him cleaned before you're intimate, then he should respect you!

My DH knows what I like and he tries to do what I find attractive. I do the same for him. Cleaning up is minimal respect.

If your friend objects, this soon, about something this intimate and personal, he's selfish. You're not asking for the moon. You desire good hygiene.

Trust me, whatever bothers you in the beginning will annoy you beyond all reason later.

But it is respect and self-respect. You deserve both. He's being a CF if he expects any contact without a good wash after a long day.

3 dates and you have invited him to yours? Be careful, him not showering could be least of your problems. I think you should get to know him in a public space, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Wasn't this bloke supposed to be coming round to the OP's today? There's been no update so maybe he did show up showered and in smart clothes.... or she's still supervising him showering.

Sorry for the crudeness but my extremely hard working OH, who also works 14/15hr days (builder, extremely physical and very sweaty, no matter what the weather!) often comes home and tries it on with me still covered in concrete/mud/dust/whatever... it’s very sexy until he’s naked and the smell of B.O. and knob cheese just hits you
However I have no issue saying to him “go wash your willy”
But I remember when we were first together and I was caught unawares but wasn’t ballsy enough to say something and it was gross. To the point of thinking I don’t think the man takes hygiene Seriously and I might have to break up with him coz he stinks... however after rejecting his advances a few times until I knew he had had a shower (he always had a shower, sometimes 2 or 3 a day when not working! I just had to reject him before and he didn’t know it was coz of this) and making him paranoid, I had to tell him the truth!
Now it’s almost a joke! He will occasionally still try it on knowing he is absolutely filthy and I will make him go an wash it. Sometimes twice if he has been working particularly hard that day just to make sure!
It’s almost foreplay now...
But then again we have now been together forever and even foreplay has been reduced to “are the kids asleep yet? Yeah? Great, pull your knickers to the side”

Tricky one - esp if you wouldn’t know by looking at him, it’s only an issue because he told you. When I worked in the city we’d go out straight from work all the time - so did the men. It was never a problem. They weren’t dates as such but all sorts hooked up and that’s very common, I don’t remember any smeggy issues or fishy stories. Yuck!
I think you'll have to find a way to say it op - it’s on your mind now. Maybe text him an hour before your next date and say that you will be late as you’ve finished work late and obviously have to go home and grab a shower etc? Tricky.

Lulu49

Are you sure he’s not actually married

Ooh - I didn’t think of that! Would make sense...

So op, did he come round yesterday, did you mention it and is there a resolution?

If he’s married and went home after work to get spruced up wife/partner would want to know why? First thing that sprung to mind for me!

Bf and I have been together 5 months. Always shower/bath before seeing each other, always have done, it would feel odd if I didn't.

BUT (probably MORE weird) I don't have any issue with having sex with him the day after I've stayed over, having not showered that day. Sometimes I'll have a quiet day at home not doing much so not really getting dirty or sweaty, but still HAVE to wash before I'll consider seeing him. But then the next day we'll have had sex, slept close together and usually go out walking too, and I'm perfectly fine having sex with him after that! Odd.

I think this is down to personal choice OP, as you can see there's plenty of people saying it's absolutely fine for him not to shower, and plenty of others saying it's completely disgusting. Work out how YOU feel about it and go from there.

I think you should just tell him. Honesty from the start.

OP come back! We all need to know what happened - dish the dirt! Did you have dirty sex or did you have clean-dirty sex?!

I think we just need to make up an outcome.

I think..... she definitely did the deed. He was very giving, but unfortunately he wiped his d*$k on the sheets after.

He probably cancelled.... his wife was supposed to be going out in the evening so he thought he could claim to be working all day and she wouldn't notice if he turned up late.
Meanwhile he told OP he was working and therefore would just pop round after work (ie. not showered and changed) and thereby avoiding meeting his wife at home in the afternoon.
However, his wife's evening plans were cancelled so he had to go home straight after work and OP was left disappointed (or possibly relieved that she wouldn't have to smell him again)

Or something.