Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

You haven't mentioned being attracted to him and it sounds like you're beginning increasingly turned off rather than turned on. It isn't possible to talk yourself into being attracted to someone, however kind they are. Just move on.

You haven't mentioned being attracted to him

Says in the OP I fancy him and OP is talking about being intimate with him so think its pretty clear she is? (or do women go around sleeping with men they aren't attracted to now? - feels old)

"I fancy him but"... is not real attraction. Try that sentence with things you don't want; do you like this dress - "it's pretty but" = no, I would like the dress on someone else but it's not for me.

Depends on the job, I would go straight from work but I work in an office, perhaps he takes deodorant and a toothbrush to work, I do.

Get him a pack of baby wipes and some chewing gum? For his van

I feel like if something bothers you about someone after a few dates you are better off cutting your losses.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who changes if they go straight out from the office. I’m talking about a full evening, not just a quick glass of wine on the way home.

He is definitely single, I've done all the checks.

I don’t get it really. I used to meet DH straight from work when we met as we both worked in the City, so neither of us had showered since the morning.

So text “ looking forward to tomorrow night.The wine is chilling and the shower is steamy in anticipation.Remember to bring something cool to slip into cos I’m feeling pretty hot as well ”

It's definitely the lack of effort. I definitely find him attractive. But I have a bath, do my hair, dress nicely to see him and it feels like he isn't even bothered about putting a fresh top on. Long driving shifts are actually very sweaty because you're pressed into the seat for an incredibly long time. Thank you for the thoughts.

I think if he hadn't freshened up from a 12 hour shift for a date, this is him and his cleanliness standards. It either bothers you enough for it to be a problem or it doesn't.

In spirit of nothing to lose, I'd do something like invite him over, and get into a heavy petting session, and say something like "mmm I have a thing for the smell of soap clean skin, go jump in the shower for me but don't be too long, I'll be waiting!"

StarlightLady not just you. I went out from an office job on a second date recently - no time to go home and shower but I brought washbag and change of clothes, and freshened up. I do think it's rather telling and thoughtless if you don't make an effort to freshen up and change, especially if you have thought enough to apologise for being scruffy - well don't apologise, get a change of outfit, a flannel and a squirt of deodorant then!

It would put me right off - not keen on sweaty billox. If he cant work a solution out now when he is keen (wash in the gents at work even) then he clearly isnt wanting to make an effort and later on will be a pain to live with.

I would also be worried he lives with a wife!

Just dump him if you don’t like it.
I dated a guy who never bothered to make himself look reasonable, would wear his work clothes 24/7 and his clothes smelt damp where he didn’t wash/dry them correctly. I dated him for a few months and met his family who were all sparkly clean and well presented whist he worse scruffy t-shirts and old jeans. I did take him clothes shopping in the end to get him some non work clothes but he came back and put his shitty old clothes back on. I dumped him in the end because I just couldn’t imagine introducing him to friends and family without feeling embarrassed.

It does make you wonder about his hygiene. He may the type who rarely baths/brushes teeth etc.

I assume you are at your house as you talk of intimacy/ sweaty cocks? Why not suggest a shower get a tooth brush in for him ?

If all you can think about is whether he has had a shower or cleaned his teeth. Then I don't think that this is the right person for you !
I work long shifts. I agree it's easier to go out, than go home first.
Why are you inviting him to your home on only a 3rd date. What is the rush ?

at sweaty sitting down cock

If he worked in an abattoir OP then fair enough, but give the guy a break.

I see I’ve been beaten to suggesting a penis beaker. He can roll his hips suggestively at you to slosh it around in the water.

You've had three dates only so plenty of time ahead before you could move onto something more intimate when he is fresh and clean

"I’m sure I’m not the only person who changes if they go straight out from the office."

Maybe not the ONLY person, but obviously not the norm for office workers. You can spot people on after-work drinks because they're in their work clothes.

"He sounds a bit dirty , well very dirty actually."

In what world is he VERY dirty?!?
It seems he has a shower every day, just not two showers. Two showers a day are bad for your skin and bad for the environment so definitely not something to encourage. I can see why people would have a second shower if they're on a hot date or on a promise, but it's not compulsory for any kind of going out after work.

I definitely find him attractive. But I have a bath, do my hair, dress nicely to see him and it feels like he isn't even bothered about putting a fresh top on
it's a subtle way of putting you down, sending the message that you're not worth dressing up for, he's telling you that you're punching up