Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

I judge people by my own standards. If l am going out straight from work, I always change at the very least my top, my knickers, tights/stockings or socks (depending on what I’m wearing) and clean my teeth. I expect others to do likewise.

I was thinking the same as a few others. He can’t go home to shower etc and leave again because he’s not single.

Howslow - my car has air con. Still pretty sweaty around the back and bum regions!

"when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth"

Official advice is to brush teeth morning and night, not after work.

Are you 100% sure he's definitely divorced?
Couldn't be that he doesn't go home
So he doesn't have to explain why he's going out again and where he is going?

If that's not an issue and everything is genuinely then I'd say he's probably knackered and just coming to see you rather then going home and sleeping is probably a sign he really likes you if that helps.

"If l am going out straight from work, I always change at the very least my top, my knickers, tights/stockings or socks (depending on what I’m wearing) and clean my teeth. I expect others to do likewise."

Why? I wear the same clothes. I even wear the same outer clothes the next day. I wouldn't want to carry all that to work.

Be straight with him. Tell him, I do like going out with you but could you spend 20 minutes to shower and change first. If he says no, tell him to jog on.

I judge people by my own standards. If l am going out straight from work, I always change at the very least my top, my knickers, tights/stockings or socks (depending on what I’m wearing) and clean my teeth.

oh my! Can't say I know anyone who does that
Pretty obvious what people are wearing when they leave the office, and unless it's a black tie event - which let's face it is pretty rare in my word - people don't change.

I would just brush my teeth, maybe change shoes that's about it.

Depends on the job as well, I do work in an office.

"Pretty obvious what people are wearing when they leave the office, and unless it's a black tie event - which let's face it is pretty rare in my word - people don't change."

Nobody changes for an after-work drink. If it's a party, some of my colleagues will change, but most people just wear something that works for both. That's what 'day-to-evening wear' is for.

I do know one man who changes his shirt during a long day, but that's because he sweats more than the norm.

"When I work 12h days I don’t much feel like going home, showering and heading back out.

I might meet a friend for dinner near work but I wouldn’t be going home and back out!"
Those who work 12/13 hour days seem to understand why the this man doesn't want to go home and come back out again. Most people I meet are stunned that I work a 13 hour day and also say they couldn't do it. I suspect unless you regularly do i.e.day in day out week in week out you've no idea how exhausting and draining it is. Many of my single colleagues struggle to find partners the long days we work are one off the reason they site for this problem. Having worked 13 hours (full timers work 3/4 a week), most are exhausted and just want to sit down and chill out, few if any ever go out on a date after work having only the energy to get home and go too bed. Im middle aged and thought this is why spend my days off recovering but I find my younger colleagues (in their 20's and 30's) feel the same, those also juggling children often come into work totally exhausted and by the end of a shift can barely stand let alone pop home and have a shower before going out again. Im amazed this man can even find the energy to be "nice, kind and good company after work I struggle to keep awake.

Personally, I wouldn't bother with someone who has so much on his plate, that he has no time to change before he goes on a date.

My current squeeze works long shifts and we often meet for a drink straight after work then head to my place, or he comes straight round to mine. He always then has a shower and changes at mine. I have no issue with this. If he went home to his to shower, which is in the opposite direction, then came to meet me, I'd find that far more annoying as I'd be hanging about waiting for him. Come to think of it the very first time he came round to mine, so v early on, he asked if he could jump in the shower as he was sweaty from work and we then had some top knotch non sweaty cock sex on the living room floor, so I think all these issues can be dealt with OP. If you like him.....

Maybe he has a penis beaker?

I'm not the type to expect a man to shower before sex, but him not making any effort to look nice would put me off. If I wasn't feeling it at all, and finding him a bit disgusting after 3 dates, he simply wouldn't get a 4th.

Maybe make a point of how you are going to get scrubbed up yourself and see if he catches on?

It doesnt sound to me like hes making that much of an effort.

Going on dates with my straight after work so it's less travelling or less hassle with getting ready?

On my first date with OH I spent approx 2 hours getting ready, I was no nervous and excited. I wanted to make a lovely first impression.
So did he. He wore a gorgeous dark green shirt, his hair was combed, he smelt amazing... it was lovely to make an effort for each other.

I think that's what you're finding difficult here is that he doesn't seem to want to make an effort.

It does sound like he has a very busy life though. Kids, divorce, 12 hour shifts from work. Maybe he's not in the right place to date and dedicate time to someone properly?

Are you absolutely sure he lives with his Dad?

That sounds more like he's fitting you in on the pretext of working a long shift before going home to his wife and kids.

It doesn't sound to me as if he's got time to actually date.

It sounds to me as if he's looking to move in with a nice woman so he can move out of his dads, have his domestic needs met and have his kids taken care of while he continues to work to be honest.

Does his facebook page say he's single? (think I know what the answer to this is gonna be)

Perhaps he intends to shower before you DTD.

When he arrives at your house on Sunday you could offer to run a bath for him.

Bit agog at the number of people who think it’s ok to not make a bit of effort for the first few dates?

If I’m meeting people after work (friends or bf’s) I at least brush my teeth, have a wet wipe rub and a spray of deodorant, especially in hot weather.

OP, this would put me off too.

Personally, I would have a quick wash and tooth brushing between work and a date, but I don't think it would bother me that much if the other party didn't.

I have been in a relationship where I had to shower every time immediately before having sex/sexual contact and it all felt really clinical. Any sparks there died off pretty quickly, as it felt so clinical.

I used to go for lots of dates post work and would do a quick freshen up at work. But I work in an office with air con and meeting similar guys in their suits.
I'd expect the more intimate dates to be at weekends when both have plenty of time to get ready and not come off a 12 hour shift. Who is there best at that time? After a long day st work I just want to grab an easy dinner and watch rubbish tv.
I'd postpone Sunday and suggest a time when he is free to do something else with you, Day out etc.

It's as if he knows that if he goes home from work he will just get settled on the sofa and won't be arsed to get up and go and see you?
or maybe it's one of those and negging strategies .....he wants to convince you that you're not a woman who is worth cleanliness?

Living 20 minutes away is not very far so he could go home and shower, however if you get to know each other better and have more dates at different times, you will undoubtedly see a nicely washed and pressed man.

Sorry but if he can't make any effort now then he isn't going to later on is he?
Everyone makes more of an effort in the beginning.
He sounds a bit dirty , well very dirty actually.
It's up to you op but I wouldn't be fancying him either.