Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

Gwen you've contradicted yourself.
You wrote that you can see why someone would shower before a hot date or to impress someone.
Well if this isn't that then what is it?
It's totally different to meet your dh in these circumstances, he is your husband, although I think a lot of husbands would start to moan if their wife never made an effort.
Why can't you meet him on the days he doesn't work op? Is he stuck for child care on those days?

Where does he take you on the date? I'm guessing it's somewhere fairly informal if he doesn't change or shower.

I work 12 hour shifts and just take clothes to work with me. No way would I be going home to change and shower before going out. (Which is rare as I'm usually to knackered) if I was going on a date I'd take my tooth brush though!

My DH is a baker, when we first started going out sometimes i used to meet him outside his workplace in his whites after working a night shift then go out for the day.

It wasn’t every date though and I think 20 mins is close enough to go home and have a shower first.

"You wrote that you can see why someone would shower before a hot date or to impress someone.
Well if this isn't that then what is it?"

For me, the first few dates wouldn't 'hot' ones, so I don't see the contradiction.
Also, I said I can understand someone doing that, not that it's compulsory like OP and some others seem to be suggesting or that it's dirty not to.

I'm with the 'give him a break' brigade. He's trying to juggle work, his kids and you. As long as he's not delivering fish or coal, and you're going somewhere informal like the pub, I think you're making too big a deal. But if you don't like it dump him. He sounds like a hard working man who's trying to do the best for his kids. I'm sure someone else will value those characteristics in him.

Bloody hell poor guy. He's working, looking after his kids and you are moaning about something superficial. If you do get down to it - shower together for gods sake.

How is his sitting down in a van as a delivery driver significantly different from his sitting down in an office?

He sounds like a good guy. I used to meet my DH after 11 hours of sitting down in an office. It didn't occur to me to be anything but happy to see him - and this was after just a couple of weeks of dating.

Penis beaker?

Don't meet him at home and then you don't have to worry about touching his sticky toffee. Three days is too soon to have him at your place anyway.

Yes he's marvellous for working/ parenting etc... but...

If he can't manage to fit a shower in, then is he really ready for a relationship?
How is he going to fit a gf in?

If he can't manage to fit a shower in, then is he really ready for a relationship?
How is he going to fit a gf in?

Exactly!

How do you know he isn’t opportunistically washing is willy in the gents before coming to meet you??! It might be minty fresh for all you know at this stage

Good point. Nicely put

Not for me ! I like shower within the hour when I used to date. I cannot think of anything worse YANBU

Ha ha, sounds like the guy who wouldn't shower for several days in another post. I'm dating the most wonderful man, and one evening, he said 'oh I think I'll wait til the morning to shower'. Silence from me. 'Ah, right, well that depends how much nookie you want...' ! He took the hint and now often optimistically showers twice a day.... I absolutely love a clean body and I don't mind a bit of sweat after sex, but grungy undies? No thanks. I wouldn't subject anyone to that so I don't expect it back. He clearly doesn't realise/care/ think it's important; or b, doesn't think it's going to happen yet, or could even be subconsciously trying to put you off as he has something which is worrying him and he's not ready. Now is your chance to find out if you are with a flexible, caring man...as he sounds like a workaholic. Time to have a frank discussion about what you need from a relationship and what is a deal breaker. If it doesn't work, then be thankful you didn't give him the farm, as it were...

At least you know what you are getting right from the off, no?

So you are thinking of shagging someone who is not conforming to your standards of cleanliness. Yet I see no signs of further refinements.

“No he doesn’t look dirty. But I don’t fancy playing with a sweaty 12 hour sitting down cock that hasn’t been showered”

He's married ...telling his Mrs he's going out for a few drinks with the lads -after work -meeting you ?

Does he look physically scruffy and smell bad in general on your dates?

When I was young and lived in London, none of us went home for showers after work, before dates.

Dh was always a bit scruffy though. I bought him deodorant as a Christmas gift - that got the message across

• this was after about three dates, same as op.

This thread has made me realize that pretty much every man I ever pulled during my single days encountered a body unwashed since early that morning.

Not something that's ever occurred to me before, though I'll probably forget about it shortly. Never got any critical comments, oddly enough.

My now dh and I never went home to shower during our early dates - we both rushed to a half way pub/restaurant straight after work - when we'd both just finished 10-12 hour days.

But I was spending my time getting to know him, not thinking about whether his cock was sweaty or not....

Are you sure he’s not actually married?