Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

"it's a subtle way of putting you down, sending the message that you're not worth dressing up for, he's telling you that you're punching up"

How dramatic. Lots of people on this thread have said they don't shower if they're going out after work. It's also true that men are subject to less restrictive grooming expectations in general so don't tend to spend as much time as women on their appearance. You're making silly assumptions about 'punching up'.

I think it's very sad that a man who works 12-14 hour shifts, has his kids as much as he possibly can, works extra hours when he doesn't have them and STILL manages to squeeze in time for seeing you, is being accused of a lack of effort.

it's a subtle way of putting you down, sending the message that you're not worth dressing up for, he's telling you that you're punching up

there's a lot of projecting on this thread

The thing is, I don’t think this is a question for AIBU. It wouldn’t bother a lot of people (I prob wouldn’t care unless he was smelly) but it does actually bother YOU and it’s putting you off him. A bloke has to tick your boxes and he’s not ticking all yours!

I’m pretty sure me and DH have had sex after work without showering first and it never dawned on me we were grubby... I used t

And I used to work longer shifts than him before DC.

OP, how about volunteering for one day at a stable and then going straight on a date after that? If he mentions the smell tell him that if he doesn't make an effort after the work then why should you.

I’m pretty sure me and DH have had sex after work without showering first and it never dawned on me we were grubby

That's your DH. Sure when you go on a date you want to impress the person you are into. You make an effort.

But I don't fancy playing with a sweaty 12 hour sitting down cock that hasn't been showered. That sentence made me laugh!

Thing that OP wants to feel a bit special when going on dates and there's nothing wrong with it. When couples go on dates they want to impress each-other. They style the hair, wear something nice if not new but fresh and clean. They brush teeth in case they kiss. When you start a relationship you try very hard to be liked.
My DH didn't even fart in my presence before us getting married

Oh we're praising him for having his kids 'as much as he can' are we. No this wouldn't work for me I'm afraid. I have my children pretty much all the time, work and still manage to have a fucking wash (and the rest) when I'm meeting anyone, let alone someone I want to impress. This dude either doesn't have time for a relationship if he can't manage to freshen up for a date, is lazy, or doesn't care about himself or others so it's a non-starter. The dirty sod.

DH was a taxi driver when I met him. As a single mum my childcare arrangements could be hit and miss, sometimes changing on a whim (the ex was an arsehole who thought he could still control me). So sometimes I would call him and suggest meeting for half a Pepsi at a local pub during his driving break.
He stank of diesel and oil ( car was always breaking down)

This went on for months and then we met up properly ...he had made an effort. That's when we ...DTD.

15 yrs later...
Drives lorries and now stinks of the above and pig piss ( ad blue)

Love him though

Wow... when I was dating I would always meet people straight from work and never thought I was being uncouth! People have busy lives....

Yes I'm praising him for having his kids as much as he can. Shows he has good priorities. As someone who he has been on 3 dates with, OP probably isnt on his list of priorities at all.
I have my kids 100% of the time, but if I had to meet someone after working all day I'd go straight to them too. If i came home to shower and dress, I'd never go back out again

Not making the effort aside, it doesn’t sound like he has time to date so I’d move on. It’s only been 3 dates after all.

Youre a dick. Hes working and youre just whining.

Mon parents prioritising their children should be the most basic standard. I think we should be unimpressed by men who don't see their kids as much as they can, not impressed by the ones who do.

I would have thought driving and rushing around delivering parcels for 12 hours a day is very sweaty.

I met a delivery driver once for a daytime coffee and he was very nice. For the second date he wanted to pick me up from my house at 10pm after his deliveries finished. Then he asked if he could use my shower and he said he would bring all his toiletries as he liked his skin to be soft . Not sure what time we would have been going out (not at all probably in his mind.) Anyway It put me off so I said, sorry, that won’t work for me and never saw him again.

For the second date he wanted to pick me up from my house at 10pm after his deliveries finished. Then he asked if he could use my shower and he said he would bring all his toiletries
on the second date he starts moving in by stealth, maybe he lived in his van?

Have you watched dear John?

Oh yes dear john, he arrived for his first date in shorts and it turned out he was homeless.

It seems a deal breaker to the OP. The other thing that struck me was whether he has a good work-life balance, given that he seems to work extra when given a later time for a date.

Funnily enough, toiletries man said he lived with his parents.

If you like the smell of someones B.O. (or at least arent actively repulsed by it,) its a sign your physically compatable lol

Sorry if I've missed this but does he actually smell? If not I really can't see what the problem is.