Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

Well, could you suggest a shower before you commence your docking procedures?

The guy is trying to fit it all in and he's being slated for being hard working ??! He's trying to work and earn money, he's trying to be a parent and he's trying to also start a relationship. I feel like he's being given an unnecessarily hard time! Yes maybe he could smarten up a bit but maybe he just feels he hasn't got the time.

Unless of course you can smell him across the table during the date. Then I would ditch.

We haven’t been intimate yet but it’s on the cards at some point if we continue dating and this issue is putting me off.

Where are you planning on getting intimate OP? Surely a hotel room will have facilities.

Why should op move the dates closer to an adult man’s house just so he can go home and shower first?! Fucking hell, he’s a grown man, he should be able to work and go home and shower, it’s a very basic concept.

I did this once but I’m a teacher so I don’t think the guy could tell whatsoever, I looked pretty smart and didn’t smell . Only did it the once because I knew I’d be late otherwise.

Depends on the guys job really. If he’s in a smart suit and doesn’t smell then not a massive issue. If he’s wearing his plumbing gear and stinks then you have a problem.

Well, presumably any intimacy would happen at one or other of your houses, so he could just nip for a quick wash/shower then, couldn’t he? I imagine that would be his intention.
I think you are over-thinking it. If you like him otherwise, this wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me......

He is coming to mine Sunday evening as I’m child free for once. First time he’s been here. Again straight from a 14 hour shift. He’s already said he will be coming straight from work. He doesn’t have a uniform. Usually just jeans and a top. But it’s the fact he hasn’t showered that I hate.

Well st least he has his kids 50% of the time, unlike some of the diabolicals you hear about on here.

Apart from the lack of a shower, does he actually make an effort on the dates in other ways?

Maybe he has a wash with bottled water in the van and changes his shirt? You never know.

Maybe just ‘popping home for a shower’ causes issues with his Dad? Maybe his Dad gets the jump that he’s going out again or is like the Spanish Inquisition?

Surely you’re not planning on getting his cocktail out wherever you meet? (Given you sound past that stage in life )So presumably he can shower wherever you plan to have sex?

Or maybe if he thought Dec was on the cards he would go home first.

Ckearky it’s bothering you a lot so you need to talk to him, if you can’t talk to him it’s doined anyway.

My DH used to turn up after a days Scaffolding in his ripped tshirts, joggers and trainers that he had worked in, at the weekends he was always clean and tidy in jeans and a shirt, no matter how he was dressed i thought he was the most gorgeous 6ft blonde haired blue eyed Adonis i had ever laid eyes on. OP the guy is trying his best, give him a break

I can hardly tell him to shower can I ? I’ve made the point often emojgh, suggesting he goes home to eat and freshen up but he hasn’t acted on it.

Have hot sudsy sex in the shower... making lots of encouraging comments about how you like everything clean...

That is pretty yuk. Either he doesn’t care or is clueless. Maybe tell him what you expect? Ie at yours 8pm showered and clean clothes.

12hrs driving a van isnt all that hot and sweaty tbh OP. He sounds like he's working hard, and you're just hard work

If his hygeine is good he will still be good 12hrs later. Unless you're always going to demand a shower before sex? How bloody weird. He's not working down a mine or on a farm ffs.

I'm not sure this is necessarily that bad. Many people have a shower in the mornings, and I would have thought most people only have one shower a day? That might be him? I'm fairly sure dh and I would have had a shag at some point having not had a shower after work. Maybe it's different once you know them.
But, if it puts you off, it puts you off, and that's all that matters.

Surely the other point is, how much energy can he give you if he is coming straight from a 14 hour shift? He'll be knackered?

So he’s coming to your house on a Sunday night after a 14 hour shift? This Is “alarm bells” for me - I’d be more bothered about that than the shower imo. It’s the fourth date! Why isn’t he taking you out for dinner or similar? He shouldn’t just impose on you at this early stage.

Of course you can tell him to have a shower before sex!

But I don’t fancy playing with a sweaty 12 hour sitting down cock that hasn’t been showered.

If you can be this blunt with us, you can be a bit more direct with him. Hints clearly aren’t working. I personally wouldn’t expect someone to go home first if it was easier to meet straight from work, but if you do, don’t pussyfoot around it.

Ask him to shower.

I suggest you cut your losses. you’re suggestions aren’t working and it sounds like it’s an issue for you and you’ve only been on 3 dates.

Working 12 hour shifts and having 50/50 custody, I also feel like he’s been given an unnecessary hard time.

Living with his dad sounds a bit smeggy anyway?

Really? This is the reality of divorce for a lot of people - particularly men, who are usually the ones expected to vacate the family home.