Man comes straight from work shifts to dates

[allthetimeintheworldapparently]

I’ve had three dates with a nice man, kind and good company. But because of having his kids 50% , he arranges dates for straight after finishing work (12 hour shifts) and wears what he has worn all day. He doesn’t go home first to shower, just finishes work shortly before meeting me. I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off. Am I being precious?

If he tries to get intimate on Sunday tell him straight that him not having a shower means it won’t happen. Subtly. It may work

God just dump him. I get the impression he will not live up to your standards and you will find something else to be unhappy about.

He probably showers on a morning or before bed and as he is not doing very physical work I doubt he is a big sweaty mess. You say he does not smell and is not covered in dirt so he is not unclean but you feel he is because he does not shower as many times as you think he should a day.

I work 13 hours shifts (I wear a uniform) on the very occasional times I go out after work (usually I cam barely drive hime let alone go out) I change at work and go. If I went home the moment I got in the door I'd just sit down and would find it almost impossible to go out again.
Working these long shifts is very difficult get back in your own home and your minds relaxes the brain is desperate to switch off, (research shows that there are significantly more health problems associated with these long shifts) the thought of a nice drink; tea/water/whatever and your bed/sofa/armchair overrides anything else you'd like to do how ever enjoyable it might be. All my colleagues would tell you the same thing we all rarely do anything after work.
If he's a nice man show a bit more understanding.

Could you suggest him to keep a bag with clean spare clothes in the car and a wash bag so he could take a shower at yours?

I'd be tempted to tell him that if he doesn't want to take shower at home and change into fresh clothes then he can do it at yours. When he comes over send him to the bathroom. If he refuses then send him home!
Isn't he embarrassed at all by all the hints?
Also if he asks you to touch him just refuse and explain why. He should want to impress you but he makes no effort so far.

I fancy him but the thought of being intimate when he hasn’t showered /brushed his teeth after a physical day at work puts me right off

How do you know he hasn't brushed his teeth? Can you see lunch time's spinach stuck between his incisors?

No he doesn’t look dirty. But I don’t fancy playing with a sweaty 12 hour sitting down cock that hasn’t been showered.

And to think they say romance is dead. 🤷‍♀

If I went home the moment I got in the door I'd just sit down and would find it almost impossible to go out again

Then he needs to take a shower at OP's home although probably a bit too soon.

Maybe he showers every morning. He isn’t doing manual work. Sounds like he is trying his best to fit in work, kids and a new relationship.

Bear in mind if you knew he went home after work and came our again to see you, there is no guarantee he would shower while there.

If having sex with people who have only just showered is a thing for you, you need to tell him.

Another reason he won’t go home first or invite you to his is could be that he is still with his wife!

She's only met him three times!
If you've just worked 13-14 hours you want to chill out not start showering in someone else home.
I sounds like the poor sod is trying to juggle his children work long shifts and also try have a bit of a life.

Just tell him you would prefer for him to shower next time you meet up.

Where are you planning on getting intimate? Back at yours? Suggesting he pops in for a quick shower to freshen up after a long day at work first is perfectly ok.

The guy is self employed pulling very long shifts and has his kids half the time. Sounds like he's trying really hard. So I certainly wouldn't make this a deal-breaker if you like him. Being hard working and taking responsibility for the kids are both good traits.

However I understand you wanting him to make an effort for the date. I would see how things are when he gets to yours for this next date. If you want to have sex then as others have suggested you could either jump in the shower together or offer him the use of your shower.

Also I would put the feelers out for a date when he's not got to work. I imagine that's difficult while he's sled employed but I'm sure there will be something he can arrange down the line.

Ultimately I think it depends how much you like him. If you guys get into a proper relationship then it's fine to speak frankly about the shower thing, but whilst you're just dating it's a bit awkward and may come across as rude/demeaning.

If you don't fancy the pants off him at this stage, why continue dating? To be honest I would not have cared if DH was still eating let alone brushed his teeth when we were dating... he was going to be kissed.

He works 12+ hours a day, also has to make time to see his dc, poor bloke is probably knackered. Can he not shower at yours? I think you are expecting too much so early on. You have had 3 dates and are already playing with his cock? 🤣

Either ditch him or offer the poor bloke a shower at yours, you could share a shower before DTD? Make it into a romantic thing though I’m not sure there is any romanace here, seems like he’s popping over for a shag after work and doesn’t really care if he smells or not. Do you actually plan on spending a whole day together and if so how? He sounds very busy.

It sounds like you have different ideas of what constitutes good hygiene. I really wonder how well this will work out longer term. I wouldn't want to have to tell a new man to shower before sex tbh.

Maybe he’s not actually single & going home first would arouse too much suspicion

My friend dated a guy who always turned up in work clothes. He was always busy, blah,blah,blah.
No.
He was married. He couldn't go home and shower because he wife would find out he wasn't working late.

He always apologises for not looking his best

I think you are getting the sense he is not putting in effort and that is very off putting.
Hygiene is important to you and he isn't meeting your standards. It will be awkward if you have to tell him to shower after you start to get close. Have you kissed?

If you have told him and he doesn't get it or it isn't important to him then I think you are flogging a dead horse.
He is allowed to not shower before dating but you are equally allowed to not like it. Personally I wouldn't like it and could prefer he changed for a date, especially early days since this is when they are on best behaviour.

Sorry to be ‘that’ person, but are you sure that he can’t go home to change because he still lives with his wife and he is just telling her that he is working extra late?

He's probably not single. Can't go home and shower then leave again for a date. Either that or he just isn't very hygiene conscious, which will only get worse.

Perhaps he gives his knob a wash in the sink before he meets you

Christ now the poor sods a adulterer as well as having poor personal hygiene.
Or maybe he's a genuine hard working father living with his own father (which cant be easy) juggling children work money self employment and a desire to have a bit if a life of his own. The OP actually describes him as " a nice man, kind and good company" heaven knows how he manages that and do everything else.

Deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone like that.

I can hardly tell him to shower can I ?

But you would be able to play with his cock?

Christ now the poor sods a adulterer as well as having poor personal hygiene.

He might be. It's a genuine possibility.

I didn't say it wasn't but it also a genuine possibility that he isn't. I doing think not wanting to go home and shower after a very long shift before going out automatically screams adulterer.