To be annoyed when people talk about going back to work and putting unborn child into nursery?

[Louray]

Haven’t even had the baby yet, but every time someone asks me what my plan is on coming back to work (haven’t even finished yet) then I get really upset and annoyed.
OH messaged me about a nursery he heard of and I felt like screaming. I don’t even know that gender of the baby yet never mind what nursery I’ll be putting it into and when! Can’t I just enjoy the excitement of it coming and then enjoy it actually being here?!
To top it all off my MIL said and I quote “I’m not going to be the type of grandparent who’s world revolves around their grandchild but I would like to have them one day a week when you go back”
I really bit my tongue. AIBU?

I used to hate this! My MIL said the same.

YANBU but the reality is that some really popular childcare options get booked up far in advance.

Your MIL is being presumptious.

Congratulations.

In some places nursery places are long gone, so it’s practicality.
Also not everyone wants to talk about impending birth / children so back to practicality again.
Ignore it and move on, it’s really not an issue.

What is wrong with your MIL's comment?

Should her world revolve your child?

I'm not sure I understand the issue - is it that you don't intend on going back to work? If so, yabu not to have had that conversation before getting pregnant to be honest. If you do intend to go back, what's the harm in thinking about your arrangements in advance? The good nurseries around here get booked up a good year in advance. I had both mine booked in before they were born!

Erm - but you might need to plan this well in advance. I remember getting nursery details before DD was born and talking to friends and colleagues about the nurseries they used to get recommendations.

Good nurseries will have a waiting list so if you leave it too long you might find your plans for return get scuppered.

YAB a bit U. Good nurseries will get booked up a long time in advance so it's worth considering now. You can enjoy the excitement of the baby arriving AND be practical and think ahead and make plans.

I think YABU to an extent. It’s perfectly normal to consider your childcare options and what you will do with work when pregnant I certainly did! These may well change when the baby arrives but if you get to 3 months before heading back to work and every nursery is booked up and work have no clue what you’re planning on doing it will create more stress. A vague idea of all that is helpful when you are pregnant. People are just making conversation I wouldn’t get so upset about it! No one wants you to put a 3 day old baby in nursery but that year goes quick!

It wouldn’t annoy me personally, but if it irritates you YANBU. I’m sure they’re just being curious/trying to help though.

(If you are likely to need nursery care though it’s worth at least cursory look. Locally to me there’s a real shortage of places, if your name isn’t on the list before baby arrives you imply don’t get a space, completely crazy but that’s how it is!)

Yabu what's wrong with getting prepared. My ds nursery has a waiting list and I applied for him at 2 months old!

It could be that people are genuinely trying to be helpful. Good nurseries around here do have a couple of months long waiting lists - a year is not that uncommon.

Where we live, if you want your child to start nursery at 1, you have to register before birth for the good ones, so they aren’t being unreasonable. If you don’t plan to go back then just tell them, but if you do, then you may want to take your head out of the sand and look at your options sooner rather than later....

Most good nurseries get booked up far in advance so it'd be a good prompt to start looking and just getting on the waiting lists. You can always change starting dates later on.

I think it's nice of your MIL to say she'll have the baby once a week?!

I think YABU to be honest. It's something you should have thought about when TTC in my opinion...

I think unfortunately on a practical level childcare options need to be looked at in advance (although tbf I only learned that reading threads on here). Otherwise is it that you feel talking about it jinxes things? Kind of like the superstition about not having the pram in the house until the baby’s born?

YABU and you'll find out why when you try and get childcare sorted too late.

I'm also pregnant - and planning ahead like that seems totally sensible. I really don't get why you're upset?

Well...

do you intend on going back to work?? If not ignore them
If you do...it may be worth listening and deciding which nursery is best, cheapest, closest/on your way to work etc etc
And possibly accepting MIL’s offer before you become the next “ why is nursery so expensive??!!” poster.

Don’t get me wrong I know what nursery places are like and that I need to be organised (I work in a school) but I just hate the thought of going back so when I talk about the baby I just want to talk about it being here and enjoying it!
As for the MIL comment I just found it strange as if never expect that of her but don’t know why she felt like she had to say it?

To be fair, we left thinking about nursery until DD was 4 months old and we couldn't get the days that we wanted in most of them. Very luckily, the place we chose had availability but only because they had a child moving up into the under 2s room.

1 day a week free childcare is brilliant!

I had to register interest with the nursery I wanted for dd when I was 6 months pregnant. She didn’t start till she was 18 months! It’s a bloody good nursery though.

If the good nurseries round you aren’t over subscribed then YANBU to be annoyed about them going on about it. You MIL just sounds excited and it’s a lovely thing to have one day less of childcare expense to worry about, so I’m not sure why that’s bugging you so much. It’s best to be organised far ahead with babies.

Do you not want to go back to work and that may be the root cause of your frustration?

You may not be able to get the nursery you want if you don't book well in advance (and in some cases yes, that does mean before birth).

With ds1 we were lucky in that we got a space with only 6 months notice - but it wasn't a particularly popular nursery.

With ds2 I got him booked in a couple of weeks after he was born so that I had more choice.

Good luck with getting a place in a popular nursery if you aren't planning ahead.

What is upsetting you? Is it the fact that you aren't in a position to be a SAHM and are feeling some form of guilt and thus want to delay thinking about it? If that is the case please don't feel guilty there are so few people in a position to stay at home through choice these days.

Yabu a bit. Unless you don’t want to go back secretly 😂