Is it a fact that all women are afraid of men?

[Fakenametodayhey]

I feel scared popping to the shop at night and my boyfriend doesn't get it. I would rather he go because I think he would be safer than me. I dont actually 'think' it but i feel it.
He thinks i am being lazy but i dont mind in the daytime.

I have spoken to a few women about this and the consensus seems to be that we all feel scared walking alone at night, in secluded areas or open ones, and will be on alert if they are alone and it's late.

I was always taught (through actions and words) that me and my sister were not safe to go alone (despite being older) but my brother was safe- even though he is considerably younger than us both.

I can go for a midnight walk down the canal with a male family member and feel completely safe, but when i have gone on a walk in the evening on a busy road alone or even with a female friend or family member (or even 2 or 3) i feel on edge. And generally they do too.

I have asked my boyfriend, male cousins, dad and my brother and they couldn't believe that we actually felt scared.
Im not the only one who holds their keys in their pocket like its a weapon- just incase.

So i guess my question is this- am i being unreasonable crossing the road/ avoiding going out at night etc? Or is it just a 'symptom' if being the 'weaker sex'?
No debate- me and my family are all small women and a man could easily- well, you know.

Also is it different if you are bigger/ stronger?

I feel the same as you.

Personally, no. I wander everywhere and anywhere at all hours and never feel unsafe. But I think I’ve been “lucky” not to have had a negative experience; and that of the women I know who’ve been assaulted by men, it’s been men they knew and not strangers.

No it isn't. I often pop to the shop at night and don't give it a second thought.
Young males are most at risk of violence on the street, my sons were far more alert than I am. Though everyone should exercise common sense and caution of course, that goes without saying.

Can't say I've ever felt like that. I'm more than happy to go for a walk at night on my own. The only time I hold my keys is when I'm walking up my path to the front door.
The only man I was ever afraid of was my ex husband.

I don't generally feel scared - occasionally, sure, but not as a matter of course. I've talked to my bf about this though and he says that he doesn't feel scared, but that he pays a similar amount of attention and wariness to his surroundings as I do - neither of us would walk around with headphones in, for example.

No.

I grew up with the view that nothing and no one was going to stop me from doing something I wanted to do. i 'm also fairly logical and can extrapolate or compartmentalise - however you want to explain it.

i,e, you are more likely to be attacked by someone you know than a stranger so if I'm not afraid of the people I know, why be afraid of strangers.

I also don't assume there is a bogeyman or someone out to get me - I don't have a victim mentality.

I also think a lot is to do with the conditioning of how girls are brought up.

I don't fear all men.
But I do fear some men. It is a fact that the overwhelming perpetrators of violence are male and that there is no way to tell if the stranger you meet is going to be violent or not.

If you ask any group of women all most all will have had some sort of "incident " with dangerous men.

From my own experience and that of my friends: being pinned in a corner by a work colleague and groped , domestic violence, unwanted touching on public transport, being mugged, violent rape and being heated to within an inch of her life (a friend, in broad daylight- caught on cctv, he was out in under 3 years).

Ironically, the statistics say that he is at greater risk than you of a violent assault. However, the consequences for women (and the nature of any attack) can, of course, be very unpleasant, so your concerns are understandable.

I am wary too OP. A woman was raped and killed in broad daylight near where I live, walking along a secluded bit of riverside.
Also plenty of rapes of young women making their way home alone from nights out.
I certainly don't have a victim mentality I'm just realistic.

I’ve never felt overly scared - and I’ve been attacked in broad daylight as a teen - but I’ve always had a sense of being able to hold my own. Even if I realistically couldn’t I have the attitude that I can and it seems to deter some people - I remember an aunt once telling me even if I was lost to pretend like I knew exactly where I was going so to not give off an air of I don’t know “vulnerability” I guess? That’s not to say I’m not aware of my surroundings though and don’t make a mental note of certain things.

I’ve known men to be attacked and be hospitalised so I guess I assume that while women are more likely to be attacked/assaulted it’s not limited to just them either. I’ve also been somewhat lucky in being in “safe” areas where it’s not overly common. Who knows though, one day I could add to the statistic.

Imoen I find your comments about victim mentality and how you are brought up deeply offensive.

The young woman I know who was beaten up has been left with life changing issues, the girl who was raped still suffers mental health problems.
They did not ask for what happened or have "victim mentality " neither did they know their stickers

I think "afraid" might be too strong for me.

If I'm out after dark on my own, I feel like I have to be aware of what's going on around me. I have no idea whether I actually do need to do this, statistically, it's just so ingrained and habitual that I would not be able to be out after dark and not do it, if that makes sense. It doesn't stop me going out, but it's not always the most pleasant state to be in. My husband, by contrast, can amble along without even thinking about it.

So am I living in fear? No. Does it stop me going out? No. (Especially not locally to the corner shop!). But is it different for my DH? Probably.

I'm not scared of walking around after dark.

I'm not afraid of men generally.

I'd be sensibly on my guard if I were alone with an unfamiliar man (workman, taxi driver etc.).

Obviously there are some aggressive/dodgy women out there too, but physically I'm a better match for them, and they are not potential rapists.

I’m not afraid of men, so no.

I think most people would feel a bit on edge being out by themselves late at night/early morning, you do naturally adjust your behaviour eg being more alert, listening to music at a quiet volume, power walking etc. That’s normal. Once at 1:30am, a man and I both got off the same train and weirdly enough ended up walking the exact same route home, he was in front of me though. About 10 minutes in he asked me if I was following him, he genuinely felt a bit apprehensive! Obviously I, being short and skinny, would never have posed a physical threat to him but he felt uncomfortable due to the time of day etc.

When I was at uni I also worked full time and would finish work at 11pm 3x a week. So 3x a week a least, I would be getting home after midnight via tube/bus and I never felt unsafe. This included going to the shops/McDonald’s etc. If I felt unsafe I would just get a taxi.

I'm not "scared" of anyone, man or woman. I am however always aware of my surroundings / situation and am not stupid enough to think nothing could ever happen to me. But, no, I am not scared to walk alone in a familiar area for example, but I would never walk down a back alley in a rough area, not because I would be scared, but because it would be foolish. I don't tend to worry about things until there is something to worry about right in front of me.

I'm not over weight or particularly tall (5'7") but I am quite broad shouldered and do a few weights so might be different if I was very petite. On a side note, I did do a self-defence class just a few years ago and the large gentleman doing the class was asking people to "attack" him, and easily putting them down. I knocked him flat on his back... I've had a couple of other run-ins in real life with men but luckily always come out on top.

I would take normal precautions at night - stick to busy well lit streets etc. I don't worry about popping to the corner shop after, walking through the city to get the last bus home (and 5 min walk to house). I've wandered around isolated rural spots quite happily.

I do think women factor personal safety into their daily thinking in a (second nature) way that, generally speaking, men don't.

I think women are possibly not telling their truth if they say they do not do a mental risk assessment when choosing to walk alone in certain places, even in the daytime. Every single time. That risk assessment is born of a perfectly healthy fear of male violence.

Nope & I speak as someone who was sexually assaulted. In that instance it was someone I knew & unlucky.
I still walk around at night on my own. I do take care - I wouldn't walk down a dark alleyway & I tend to stick to well lit streets/paths. However life would be very restrictive if I let myself be ruled by the fear of what if & I mean that in all areas of my life.

Maybe victim mentality is the wrong word but I don't spend my life waiting for something to go wrong or assuming it will.

NAMALT but 93% of violence is perpetrated by men. Men as a class should be feared.

I speak as someone who has never curtailed my behaviour because of fear of male violence. But I've always done that risk assessment and trusted blindly that I would be OK. I have experienced, aged 61, the usual catalogue of sexual abuse and harassment, the most serious incidences have been from within my family.

I am not scared of men nor am I scared to walk outside after dark.
But as I am also not a dum dum with no survival instinct so I am aware of my surroundings, like other women and men.

I'm not afraid of "men".

But I may feel vulnerable alone at some spots. It mostly means that I become more aware of my surroundings.
I don't feel safer with a man by my side, though, and I think it's a false security. It wouldn't be the first time that women are attacked while with their partners.

I am also acutely aware that the danger is higher from partners, friends and relatives.
The only times I really had my keys in my hand was when I split with my now exH.

I can obviously only speak for myself but I'm not scared and often walk alone to the shops at night.

I feel more like you as I get older. I used to be pretty fearless but my assessment of risk has changed and I don’t enjoy it. I hate the idea that I feel I have to take responsibility for not putting myself in harms way.