Is it a fact that all women are afraid of men?

[Fakenametodayhey]

I feel scared popping to the shop at night and my boyfriend doesn't get it. I would rather he go because I think he would be safer than me. I dont actually 'think' it but i feel it.
He thinks i am being lazy but i dont mind in the daytime.

I have spoken to a few women about this and the consensus seems to be that we all feel scared walking alone at night, in secluded areas or open ones, and will be on alert if they are alone and it's late.

I was always taught (through actions and words) that me and my sister were not safe to go alone (despite being older) but my brother was safe- even though he is considerably younger than us both.

I can go for a midnight walk down the canal with a male family member and feel completely safe, but when i have gone on a walk in the evening on a busy road alone or even with a female friend or family member (or even 2 or 3) i feel on edge. And generally they do too.

I have asked my boyfriend, male cousins, dad and my brother and they couldn't believe that we actually felt scared.
Im not the only one who holds their keys in their pocket like its a weapon- just incase.

So i guess my question is this- am i being unreasonable crossing the road/ avoiding going out at night etc? Or is it just a 'symptom' if being the 'weaker sex'?
No debate- me and my family are all small women and a man could easily- well, you know.

Also is it different if you are bigger/ stronger?

Nope, its all bollocks.

I have never been afraid of men, or women for that fact.

I have been afraid of people who are nasty pieces of work but that is nothing to do with their gender, just their personalities.

In fact the older I get the less afraid I am. I've confronted drunk men and women swearing on trains and buses and told them to stop it, especially if there are kiddies present (only one to do so)

Could I be attacked? Yes Could it be by a man? Yes but also a woman. And if I was attacked I would do my bloody best to take them down with me.

I grew up with 3 brothers so was never afraid of boys or men and knew there were nice men, just as I knew there were horrible women.

In fact the only fights I have had were with females; 2 at school- they jumped me for being friends with a boy they both fancied (he was in fact gay and they didn't know but I did!) and once in a night club loos when I was in my 20's where I was cornered by a group of women who didn't like the fact a black man was talking and dancing with me and threatened me because I was white. The latter was the only time I actually felt true gut wrenching fear and the bouncers kicked them out and had to escort me to a black cab so they couldn't follow me.

If I had to go out at night to the shops I'd be more aware, but not because the gender of anyone, just because I might get mugged.

Read my post again. I said the majority of women have experiences like this. If you haven't then you're in the minority and quite frankly, you're bloody lucky.

I'm not sure what the statistics are but I do know other women who would say the same as me.

I think the clue right there is in the word 'say'. Women are socialised to not make a fuss and it's not unusual for us to minimise what has happened to us.

Wolf whistling, catcalling and even sexual assault are often dismissed and women who speak about them and talk about how it bothered are frequently told to lighten up, it's a compliment, you're overreacting, etc. Is it really any wonder women are wary about talking about their experiences if that's the reaction they're going to get?

I worked in an office in a factory when I was younger, young men working there got alot of harassment from older women. To be honest with you I think if the men had done to the same to young women, like me, they would have been sacked so I do think men can suffer from all the things women can, not all of them do.

I was sexually assaulted at work by a man I worked with. Nothing happened to him. He wasn't sacked, he wasn't given a warning and I don't actually think anything happened to him, not even a talking to. In the end it was me who was pressured into leaving.

Men sexually harassing women is frequently dismissed as being a compliment or as just being banter.

To write off a man's experience because it is less likely to happen is no more logical to me than saying a woman should cope better after an attack because she must have know it was more likely. Violence is never OK, the people who do it are criminals be they male or female, and the victim isn't to blame.

Nobody is writing off anyone's experiences. We are having a discussion and sometimes people say things you don't like or disagree with.

I’m not afraid of men (strangers).

Insofar as I’ve ever had issues with men (rape, inappropriate comments, flashing) they’ve been ones I knew well.

As a class women are at high risk of assault by men.

Well, looking at the statistics posted by a PP no we aren't. In fact men are twice as likely to be attacked than women are.

I also don't really care about pissing men off or hurting their feelings. If a man is creeping me out, making me feel uncomfortable or I just have a feeling of being unsafe then I'm getting out of there. My personal safety is far more important than a blokes feelings.

Agreed 100%. And this is understanding that random stranger-on-stranger attacks are rare. But in answer to those PP who are challenging views like ours above, let me use my experiences in London as an example, as this is a place where I'm constantly being approached by random strange men. Here's an inventory of some of the weirdest things they've tried to pull in only the past TWO years:

Approached by strange male when waiting for a friend at Canary Wharf station at around 11 pm. Gave long-winded spiel about 12-week (!) pregnant wife needing a cab fare to the hospital (wife nowhere in sight), about being in the forces to gain credibility, about how he'd show me his ID to prove it but didn't have it on him. He was very well-turned-out and well-spoken.

Response: I'm a lone female and am uncomfortable being approached by male strangers at night. For the same reason I'd be mad if I ever carried cash in London. I can't help you.

Male stranger last summer, claimed that he had an injury and asked me to tie his shoelaces! (Yes, I'm serious). I declined, saying I was already late for my conference. He followed after me at a fast pace (supposedly too injured to tie his shoes) and asked me if I knew where I was going and if he could help me navigate, and BTW, what was my name)? (Check out de Becker - persistence like this and a refusal to hear 'no' is a big red flag).

Another man stopped me and tried to harrass me because I was wearing an 'inverted cross', and accused me of being a devil worshipper. I was wearing a tear-shaped pendant that looked nothing like any cross.

Wore my fake fur jacket one day. I was chased down the street, and had to take refuge in a Waterstone's, when some male nut job accosted me and subjected me to a barrage of abuse for wearing fur.

And this is just a choice selection, not an exhaustive list. They sound exaggerated, but every one of these events did happen and many other women have reported similar stories. What are the odds any of these approaches would have been made if I'd been a man?

Let me tell you something - love them or hate them - no decent man ever does this. It's meant to intimidate. And yet women worry about being polite? We need to let our good manners go hang.

In fact men are twice as likely to be attacked than women are

And by whom? Yup. Other men.

93% of violence is perpetrated by men. Men as a class should be feared.

For the sake of logical consistency, I hope people who think like this avoid going outdoors. Nearly 100% of people killed by lightning were outdoors at the time. Being outdoors should be feared.

I feel like you and have been assaulted. It’s a sad truth.

Random stranger on stranger attacks are rare but unasked for creepy behaviour isn't. I've been followed, leered at, catcalled, my body and clothes have been commented on when running, walking. I've seen blokes wanking, been assaulted. From primary age child I've been teased and flirted with by creepy men, having a laugh. Now it doesn't happen because I'm older but the feeling of being wary persists. I'm always hyper aware of my surroundings and who is about, how light or dark it is and if there are escape routes. I never run along the canal path for example.

I do feel uncomfortable as a female, but then I know a very large male who was attacked from behind and he was left in a very bad way. Based on that I suspect it is in some way social conditioning that makes us feel scared.

I rarely feel unsafe.
When I do its because I am in an unsafe situation.
I would hate to rely on any man to make me feel safe.
And men are much more likely to be attacked than women anyway.

I think it's just a general feeling of maybe being fearful of some men,maybe because of all the horrible things that you read and hear about . I am not fearful of men,but I must admit that I wouldn't walk alone at night in a town or big city, I live in a very quiet village so feel safe here.

I am an oldie.and I come from an era,where you could always walk alone at night,say back from a dance or the cinema etc.The only thing I can remember about happenings then,was occasionally there would be a scuffle and fight outside a pub,after some men had had too much beer, and usually older men,spending their wages,but hardly ever young blokes,as they would be in big trouble when they got home.

I don't go around wearing rose tinted specs at all as living in the past,but I can truly understand the fears of some women now,these days,as some men have become dangerous and hideous when they are roaming about, as in gangs,drugs and sex maniacs.

If my son who is 47 were to read what I have written here,he would say," what a load of rubbish Mother,your views are so outdated ha ha "

Not just men, I don't like going the shop at night with teen gangs, the beggars, the handbag snatchers. Rape doesn't enter my head on the shop run.
When I am out further afield walking at night to get to work, men scare me, I sometimes carry my tweezers in my pocket.

In my experience men don’t understand that women are nervous in isolated places and especially at night. They don’t have the experience of constantly looking over their shoulder and being aware of personal safety. They often don’t realise that innocently approaching a woman can frighten the life out of her. I’ve had a man approach to ask directions in an isolated car park and I ran away from him while he shouted after me “Where is X Street?” My own father once pulled up alongside me in a courtesy car at night to give me a lift home and couldn’t understand why I ran away.

A woman's worst nightmare? That's pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, "We're afraid of being killed". Margaret Atwood.

I don't think all women think this, or all men, but the dichotomy feels real, i.e I'd bet my last dollar the average chap does not go in fear of his safety at the hands of a woman.

I was once threatened by a woman (with her boyfriend, who didn't) in the middle of a busy restaurant area at a shopping centre.
And indirectly threatened by an older man in a bus.

So, about 50-50 in adulhood, and, actually, when younger too. Apart from exH.

In a deserted area, in the dark, if I felt I was being followed, it would worry me just as much by a man or by a woman. It would depend on how they behaved.

3% of violence is perpetrated by men. Men as a class should be feared

For the sake of logical consistency, I hope people who think like this avoid going outdoors. Nearly 100% of people killed by lightning were outdoors at the time. Being outdoors should be feared

Lightning is random, PettyContractor. Duh. PLEASE tell me you're a man.

That should be 93% - cut and paste fail.

No, I am not scared of men at all. But I've done a self-defence course and try and attend the one-off classes held at my local women's centre every three months for a refresher.

From time to time, some nobhead will say 'Come on, have a go then!' and he (because it is always a 'he') is subsequently humiliated!

If you have any classes happening nearby, do think about attending, they do wonders for your confidence.

I've done self defense classes as well.
I've learnt how difficult it is to defend ourselves if the other person is stronger and heavier, but also what to avoid and that they do tend to be much slower and rely too much on their strength. I'm small and light but got many men in choke positions. Still, I know I'd be off by a single punch, probably.
I'd only use it as a last resort and simply do my best to avoid any confrontation.

I don't feel like that at all but wouldn't be advising anyone to go out alone along a canal.

Thanks for the reply @MarielVanArkleStinks. I totally agree with you that those (impressively researched and compelling) stats show conclusively that male on female domestic violence is more widespread and often has more pronounced harmful outcomes than frmale on male domestic violence. No argument from me at all, and I hope it goes without saying that the perpetrators of those offences are vile creatures, who need to have the book thrown at them. So, I agree with you that domestic violence disproportionately impacts women (while also significantly impacting men), and I agree with your conclusion that it makes sense to listen to your own protective instincts when you meet someone. That's true for everyone.

The issue I had was with your conclusion that it's right to treat men with suspicion, by virtue of them being men. I'll explain why.

First, let me illustrate it with some data from the US crime system, which shows that black Americans account for 13% of the population, but are responsible for 52% of homicides.

www.channel4.com/news/factcheck/factcheck-black-americans-commit-crime

That's hugely disproportionate, and there are all sorts of possible explanations for it, which are considered in the link. Using your logic, Americans should therefore treat black people with suspicion, as the stats say that they disproportionately commit more of the most serious crimes. I hope you'd agree with me that would be a conpletely inappropriate and unacceptable conclusion to draw from that information. But it's the same analysis that leads you to conclude that men should be treated with suspicion when it comes to violent crime in the UK.

It's a common leap to make - there are plenty on here also concluding that everyone with a shared characteristic (in this case, men - but it could be race, religion, wearing a blue sweater etc) should be treated with suspicion because of the actions of some people with that characteristic.

Society's view of violent crime (particularly domestic violence) leads to an exclusive approach, that causes male victims to feel they simply don't matter. Even the govermment's strategy for tackling domestic violence is called "Ending violence against women and girls". Now, that's a laudable aim - and one we can all get behind. But it leads the 1 in 3 victims who are men to feel that our experience somehow doesn't matter - it invalidates what we've been through, and causes us to feel that we are the victims nobody cares about.

We then encounter attitudes across society saying that - in your words - it's right to view men with suspicion as potential perpetrators of violence. Now, we've not only been invalidated as survivors of domestic violence, but we're being told that we should be suspected of the very offences that have been committed against us. I hope you can understand how that is experienced by a man who has lived through abuse.

So, I agree that male on female violence is more widespread and often more serious than the reverse. It needs to be taken seriously. But my problem is with people who conclude that, because of the actions of a minority of men, all men should be treated with suspicion. That, for someone like me, is a conclusion that just feels as though society is weighing in with my abusive ex purely because I am a man.

Most men will never experience the world as women do so cannot truly empathise.

Exactly this. I’m sorry but men do not get it.

The fact SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad is trying to compare how he views women vs how women view men is a classic example of this. Beggars belief.

If a man is walking alone at night and he is assaulted, nobody will ask him what he was doing there or tell him he shouldn't have put himself at risk.

Well I was asked exactly this when I had the shit kicked out of me when I was a student. I was walking back from a cheap and cheerful pub with my sports kit and got 'jumped'. Initially I thought they were after my bag so I tried to just hand it over (just had my muddy rugby gear in it) but they were not interested and the horrible realisation that they just wanted to beat me up dawned on me a nano second before an un sighted assailant clocked me from behind and I went down like a sack of spuds. When in hospital recovering from a fractured eye socket and other cuts and bruises I was asked what the hell I and my mates doing visiting that pub which was on the edge of a ropey estate.

Even prior to that assault I would be on guard when walking home late at night, I kept my hands out of my pockets, kept away from alleys and shop doorways, crossed the road to avoid other groups and generally took the longer route home if it meant being safer. Pretty much every one of my male friends have been jumped or has had to show a clean set of heels to run away from a dangerous situation at some point.

You weren't asked what you were doing out at that time; you were asked what you were doing at that particular pub. It is not really comparable to a woman being questioned wtf she was doing out after a particular time in general.