Is it a fact that all women are afraid of men?

[Fakenametodayhey]

I feel scared popping to the shop at night and my boyfriend doesn't get it. I would rather he go because I think he would be safer than me. I dont actually 'think' it but i feel it.
He thinks i am being lazy but i dont mind in the daytime.

I have spoken to a few women about this and the consensus seems to be that we all feel scared walking alone at night, in secluded areas or open ones, and will be on alert if they are alone and it's late.

I was always taught (through actions and words) that me and my sister were not safe to go alone (despite being older) but my brother was safe- even though he is considerably younger than us both.

I can go for a midnight walk down the canal with a male family member and feel completely safe, but when i have gone on a walk in the evening on a busy road alone or even with a female friend or family member (or even 2 or 3) i feel on edge. And generally they do too.

I have asked my boyfriend, male cousins, dad and my brother and they couldn't believe that we actually felt scared.
Im not the only one who holds their keys in their pocket like its a weapon- just incase.

So i guess my question is this- am i being unreasonable crossing the road/ avoiding going out at night etc? Or is it just a 'symptom' if being the 'weaker sex'?
No debate- me and my family are all small women and a man could easily- well, you know.

Also is it different if you are bigger/ stronger?

I think there's a lot of variables which would decide if I felt frightened.

Somewhere well lit and close to other people, I wouldn't be afraid.

Somewhere dark with few others around, I would.

I'd feel less scared if I knew the area well. I'd also feel less scared if in a village/small town than in a big city.

I don't think scared is even the right word. Wary/unnerved seems to fit better.

I do feel safer with other woman around though.

I'd really recommend doing some form of martial art/self defence.

It's not about size, but element of surprise/pressure points etc. Also feel it's important not to always rely on a man you know as, as depressing as it is, they can turn on you too. It's important to give a don't fuck with me vibe even if you aren't feeling it.

It's not just up to us women to adapt our behaviour though: the only thing that will inherently change the huge risk that men pose to us as a whole class is to change the ways in which we raise boys.

"Boys will be boys"- no, boys should be held accountable for their actions, and their parents need to educate them on not being violent AT ALL, not merely accepting it as an inherent trait of the male gene.

I had to really tell this to my DH shortly after we started living together:

He had gone for an evening run after dark, and was heading back to our house through a kind of alleyway cut-through. A woman was also in the alleyway walking her dog. DH was running in her direction. He is also a hulking great 6'7". By the time he drew level with her, she was cowering against the wall, presumably expecting to be attacked. he stopped and spoke to her, apologised for frightening her, and came home shocked that he could have such an effect on a random woman. So I had to explain that, yes, of course she was going to be fearful of him in that situation, and it was up to him to adapt his behaviour so as not to appear threatening.

I don’t think my son’s are safer on the streets than my daughter’s. I think boys have other problems to deal with, the world isn’t purely a danger to women. Most criminals (particularly dangerous violent ones) are men but that doesn’t mean men are automatically safe from it just because they are men themselves.

I’m not afraid of men per se. I am afraid of being attacked though of course.

I am wary of going out alone at night. I do it sometimes but generally avoid. I was a victim of a random attack at night.

I do not fear all men though, however take steps to avoid being alone with an unknown men.

Also I remember being told that the biggest danger is when you are by your door about to unlock because you relax by then.

I think being scared is just not healthy. Being aware of your surroundings is. If you feel scared maybe get the pocket alarm or colour spray.

I am not generally worried walking alone at night.

I grew up in a very safe, rural area, and will happily walk down most streets alone in a way that horrifies my urban contempories, who always ensure taxis deliver us all direct to the door (when, say, I would tell them to drop me at the end of the road rather than arse around the one way system).

My husband isn't generally fearful, but he does have more of a consciousness of 'gangs' having gone to school in a very dangerous area.

I have seen some men give me the same look of relief that women give you when they turn and realise that the person walking behind them is a woman. Young men are highly likely to be victims of assault and mugging, so I think it's unfair to suppose that a lone male is safe just because he's safer from sexual assault.

Depends on the route.

I'm fine popping to the shop at this house and last - as it's a short well lit busy route.

I'm less keen to walk back from town by myself or with the kids without DH or FIL because we have to go through a bit of a dodge area by feel though there are shops there - and under an underpass then bit where there's plenty of ambush places - alternative route are down an unlit canal or through unlit woods.

So I prefer taxi or bus - and have asked DD1 on occasion in winter she's been late back to get bus and I'll meet her there - though it's outside shops I'm happy to go to by myself. I’d prefer her and even DS when he starts to go out by himself to be back before dark.

DH seems to get it with DD1 not so much with me.

I don't think we can generalise but yes I feel similar. I don't even like getting a taxi by myself.

No, I don’t fear men.
The black belt probably helps, though.

When I had my dogs I felt complete freedom, there was no fear walking late at night. It was so liberating. Now they are both no longer here I hate to admit it but I just wouldn't behave the same on my own. Apart from the companionship, it's the freedom that I miss the most . Being taller than most men does I imagine, make me feel a little more safe than if I had a smaller build though.

Completely agree with you, OP, that is exactly how I feel and DH sneers and mocks me for being so “afraid of the world.” He does not get it at all. Male privilege, ay.

It makes me sad I restrict my life so much. But the fear is strong.

I also don't assume there is a bogeyman or someone out to get me - I don't have a victim mentality.

FFS! go speak to some victim support charities about "victim mentality" and see how you get on

I'm scared of walking in the dark and worry someone will "get me"
Probably because I was violently attacked by a stranger (and serial sex offender) on my own street who ended up with a 6 year sentence for the attack on myself and 10 other women.

I guess it's just my victim mentality shrug

But as I am also not a dum dum with no survival instinct

I guess i'm a dum dum with no survival instinct as well.
I was pretty aware of my own street, didn't stop me getting attacked 4 houses away from my front door. My survival instinct was to freeze and do nothing. Enough with the victim blaming attitude. you are not helping women

I didn't used to feel scared at all and then someone followed me at night (definitely followed me as I deliberately changed direction a couple of times). Thankfully I had a friend nearby who I rang and they met me in their car.
It did change how I now feel about going out alone after dark.
Also, walking DDog after dark once with DH and overheard comment 'leave then alone, they have a dog'!
Don't like DS being out alone after dark (but fine if he's in a group).
Definitely wouldn't want DD if I had one, out alone after dark.

I'm not scared but I'm wary and keep my wits about me. I stick to well lit areas, but I'm not afraid to walk home from the pub by myself.

I'm not scared of men but I think it's just common sense to do a mental risk assessment when you need to go out alone in the dark.

I think women are possibly not telling their truth if they say they do not do a mental risk assessment when choosing to walk alone in certain places, even in the daytime. Every single time. That risk assessment is born of a perfectly healthy fear of male violence.

I think the majority of people are saying that they aren't generally fearful, and DO risk assess situations? I wouldn't risk assess nipping to the shop, unless there was very obviously a fight going on at the pub though.

There's a walking route to the train that my husband and I will only take in daylight - the one time he did go after dark he said he'd never be comfortable alone.

NAMALT but 93% of violence is perpetrated by men. Men as a class should be feared.

93% is perpetrated by men, but not 93% of men are perpetrators of violence. I would be interested to know the stat on how many men are known to commit violence? And the men who don't commit violence are MORE likely to be a risk of male physical violence.

Exactly what verticality said. I’m not afraid of men in general, I don’t think all men are likely to attack me. But I do know that if I am attacked by a stranger, it’s more likely to be by a man I can’t fight off than by a woman I stand a reasonable chance of fighting off.

If I need to go to the local shop after dark I’d walk the long way round rather than take the shortcut I’d use during the day. I would never use headphones. I’m conscious of where I’m walking and who is around me. I often have keys in my hand. My DH doesn’t do this.

I was told about a social media post a few months ago that asked what women would do if every single man on the planet disappeared for 24 hours. An awful lot of women replied that they’d go for a walk after dark, which is sadly telling.

No, not really. I can understand it though.
Occasionally I might, like if I was walking alone, late in a sketchy area or in an alley way etc. but even then, I keep it in perspective. Some men give me the creeps, but tbh so can women. The only reason it feels worse with men is because I know they are probably stronger than I am.

I do feel unsafe walking in quiet areas at night, yes. I’m a Londoner and will happy walk on a busy street at night, but as soon as I am on a quieter street, I start to feel uncomfortable and super vigilant.

I have always felt this way, but it’s got worse since I was assaulted by a man on a quiet street at night.

Male privilege, ay.
Such a privilege when they are more likely to be a victim of violent crime.

I guess i'm a dum dum with no survival instinct as well.
I was pretty aware of my own street, didn't stop me getting attacked 4 houses away from my front door. My survival instinct was to freeze and do nothing. Enough with the victim blaming attitude. you are not helping women
You took this totally wrong. No one in their right mind would blame the victim. You also quoted just a part
I am not scared of men nor am I scared to walk outside after dark. But as I am also not a dum dum with no survival instinct so I am aware of my surroundings, like other women and men.
Which I thought would be obvious meant "I am not a person who walks around thinking nothing can happen to them...

Women are taught not to walk alone at night or we'll get attacked, and men aren't. This is despite the fact men are much more likely to be attacked on the street and women are usually attacked my someone they know. Our risk perception is all wrong. I worry more about my DP who doesn't have that risk awareness.

I feel the same. It’s not just men though, it’s groups of teenagers too. This has only come with age. Years ago I didn’t give a toss and walking up the dark alley alone in a mini skirt and heels didn’t bother me and it never crossed my mind. Now I actively avoid walking alone in the dark just in case.

I'm afraid of men as a class. I'm afraid of their male privilege. I'm afraid of toxic masculinity.

"I'm scared of walking in the dark and worry someone will "get me"
Probably because I was violently attacked by a stranger (and serial sex offender) on my own street who ended up with a 6 year sentence for the attack on myself and 10 other women."

Ok. But statistically you were very unlucky.

The chances of it happening twice are vanishingly small.

I think that's what I mean when I say I can rationalise.

I applied the same logic when I was in a serious car accident - the other option is to be terrified of getting into a car again.

I never realised I felt on edge walking alone, until my dog was sick. I usually go for an evening walk/jog after kids are in bed. I have a Rottweiler so always feel safe with him. When he had an op and was unable to walk for a couple of days, I felt on edge when I went alone. I realised he’s sort of like a safety blanket for me. Tbf, I live in a not-so-great area and we have had a string of attacks in parks recently.